


Low Lays The Devil

by writingtoreachyou



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Gay Rights, Homophobia, LGBTQ Community, M/M, Sort of AU, and has dated men, but Mike is a gay rights activist, they both work at the firm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-11
Updated: 2017-08-08
Packaged: 2018-11-30 19:36:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 51,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11470293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingtoreachyou/pseuds/writingtoreachyou
Summary: Mike Ross has been outed for a decade and is active in the gay rights movement in NYC when he suddenly finds himself working in a conservative work field that makes him question everything he's achieved. He doesn't want to go back into the closet but feels backed up against the wall. Sacrifices have to be made.Or: "What if Pearson Hardman isn't as progressive as people want to believe?"





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [this](https://youtu.be/PBbQ1UA5iHo) song by "The Veils". 
> 
> I would like to thank Nette for beta'ing on this one, it's still a work in progress (too many corridors, I know, darling ;)). Homophobia is still a big issue, so if you see anyone being harassed or ridiculed - no matter where - please speak out!

The long corridors were intimidating. How could Mike have possibly known what he was getting himself into when he had entered that interview last week? Well, this Harvey guy’s suit could have been a bit of a giveaway. So could have his assistant’s impeccable looks and the line of Harvard douchebags waiting outside that interview room that Mike had waltzed into. If not that, then definitely the ease with which Harvey was willing to offer him that money that he so desperately needed for his grandmother - without the blink of an eye. 

But Mike had been distracted that day. He had managed to ditch the cops and avoid prison. He still had to figure out what to do with Trevor who had sent him into a trap, not for the first time since they’d known each other. He had been too busy talking himself out of the hole he had dug for himself. That - and trying to ignore the fact that the guy in front of him had been drop dead gorgeous, (albeit normally absolutely not his type). 

For some reason he was sure he had seen him before; definitely not in one of his regular clubs, this guy was as straight as an arrow, much to Mike’s disappointment. Mike’s gaydar was usually spot on. He could sense the presence of another gay man from miles away and Harvey Specter was definitely not giving him any vibes. Not that he should even care… Still, something about him was familiar… So far, he hadn’t been able to put his finger on it. But to be fair, he hadn’t had much time to think ever since.

Without actually grasping what was happening, Mike had suddenly found himself shaking hands with this handsome dude, sealing the deal that would result in this very situation: Him crossing the lobby of his new workplace, wearing a suit that made him feel like being part of a play or on his way to the confession booth and trying to keep his cool. He needed to blend in. To everyone but Harvey Specter, he was supposed to be a Harvard prodigy who had spent the past few years getting accustomed to the lifestyle of the rich and famous. Well, he had been famous once upon a time, before he had somewhat settled down. Before Brendan. 

Mike shook his head briefly. No time for lost memories. He crossed another hall; the indirect light that Rachel had pointed out to him during his orientation a bit earlier of course hadn’t passed him by. He had an eye for architecture, structure, perfect settings. The fun he could have here with his camera! With all the symmetry, the structured angles. Not to mention the furniture, and glass walls. Too bad, all these people working here didn’t even pause for a moment to take all of that in. He knew he would probably turn into one of these zombies, too; staring at the screen, hiding in one of those cubicles that were the associates’ homes and drinking the awful coffee from the common room. 

These corridors were one thing; the reception area was quite something else. That place made you feel like an ant, waiting to be squashed by a giant foot. This morning, when he had stepped into this building, he had mentally shrunk with every move. Everyone here seemed to be perfect, fearless, lifeless. Like robots. In a constant hurry. Had they been pictures, a spectator would have criticized them to lack heart and soul. 

When Mike had been younger, he had dreamt of being a lawyer. His parents’ fatal car crash and the unjust settlement that his grandmother had to deal with had made him so very angry. Bitter. How could you possibly even try to compensate the loss of the most important people in your life? They had been ambushed during their moment of biggest weakness, their hour of deepest sadness, so of course they didn’t fight. His grandmother hadn’t known any better. The scene was burnt into the back of Mike’s skull. He had sworn himself to never forget it, (even if he could). 

So he read every law book he could find. Soon the public library hadn’t been enough. He had watched TV shows, interviewed a judge for a school project and decided to do everything in his power to become a lawyer himself - just to make sure that no more kids would have to think about compensation for the loss of their parents ever again. Mike dreamt big, he wanted to go into politics, fight in campaigns, change the system from within. However, all of that came crashing down when his best friend Trevor made him memorize a test in school and they accidentally sold it to the dean’s daughter. Harvard instantly became history, as was pretty much everything he had dreamt to achieve. And suddenly Mike found himself knocked into a different life. He still campaigned, he still wanted to change the system, he still talked politics and even became an activist. It was just in a very different field. 

Today, he found himself standing here, in this indirectly illuminated environment and felt uneasy. He was a fraud, no real lawyer, a con artist, so to speak. And even though he had always wanted to work in this profession, he was aware that this wasn’t it. He wasn’t fighting the good fight. These guys possibly fought dirty; and for the wrong people. There was so much money involved, everyone dressed to impress and the building itself basically screamed “filthy rich”.

From minute one, Mike had known that he didn’t want to stay more than a year - tops He would make himself known in the business, earn enough money to support his grandmother, add this company to his still very empty CV and then find something new, something more rewarding. He cared. Maybe too much. Most certainly too much. And even though he had no idea yet what kind of cases this law firm tackled, he was pretty certain that would sooner rather than later face a serious conflict of interest. 

This girl, Rachel, and him had actually hit it off quite nicely. She had tried to appear all bossy and snappy but he could tell that she was just annoyed he seemed to be yet another prick trying to chat her up. She was smart, quick and thorough and - yes - very good looking. When he had told her so, she had completely misjudged his comment and taken it as a chat up line, which by all means could not have been further from the truth. He was just a very observing person in general and appreciated beauty, all he wanted was to take pictures of her. Some classy shots that portrayed both her beauty and her brains. Ambition was very attractive, even though Mike wasn’t interested in dating women, he could see that. 

When she had sighed and basically pulled a face at him, something had stopped him right there and then from saying “Look, sweetheart, I’m glad that you feel flattered but: Wrong tree. Wrong. Fucking. Forrest.” Something about this environment... He hated it. It felt like a major step backwards. So instead he had played along, become the goofy self that he sometimes pretended to be and mouthed, “I love you” in her direction. 

“Mike, I was looking for you, I wanted to discuss your first case.” His new boss approached him with an ease, as if he owned this place and wasn’t just employed here. Or did he? Mike made a mental note to read more about the system behind legal firms. He knew that there were letterheads, name partners, managing partners and associates - that’s the position they had hire him for - paralegals, secretaries, mailroom staff, copy center, IT, receptionists, interns. It was impressive how many people worked at Pearson Hardman, people that the clients would never get to see. A bit like the Titanic, wasn’t it? The staff in the machine rooms will die first but did all the major work to get the ship from A to B. At the same time, the people at the top fuck it up for everyone involved. 

_Ahh. Let’s not go there. You only plan on staying for a year, what could possibly happen in the meantime? As long as you’re not getting caught, you’ll do just fine…_

“It’s pro bono, stuff that we do so the outside world can see that we take our social responsibility seriously,” Harvey explained something he very obviously didn’t really care about and therefore handed it down to him. Every cell in Mike’s body seemed to scream “Thank you!” and he relaxed visibly as he smiled at his boss. Okay, so he wasn’t handling a merger that would cost thousands of jobs. No, this would make someone’s life better if he did this right. Mike felt the weight on his shoulders but at the same time, the gratitude and excitement outweighed. Apparently, he didn’t have much of a poker face because the amusement on Harvey’s face made it pretty obvious that he most like grinned like a girl right now. Whatever, he didn’t have to be the Sheriff of Nottingham this time; that was all that mattered now. 

His parents hadn’t minded his feminine side and neither had his grandma. They all had loved him to bits. Trevor had poked fun at him every now and again but never seriously, and they had always been close. Besides, he had never been overly camp - just a little more enthusiastic than the average teenager. Yes, there were soft features about him and yes, he was rather skinny. But no, he didn’t come across as queer, most people wouldn’t know he wasn’t straight until he told them or they saw him at certain establishments. When he had told his best friend that he was gay, the other boy had just started laughing and said “Surprise, surprise, I’m actually bisexual myself.” and that was that. No. Big. Deal. At least not back in the days.

Mike’s train of thoughts was interrupted when Harvey threw the file at him and he barely caught it. He opened it up and started scanning through the details before his boss explained what he should do. They were in his impressively big corner office and it was difficult to concentrate on the task at hand because 

a) Mike was nervous, this wasn’t just fooling around, it was a real case with real people who needed his help, 

b) He was imagining the pictures he could take here… how the sunlight would break in the windows breathtakingly and if Harvey stared at the skyline with his hands in his pocket; that could actually turn out pretty enigmatic! 

c) This man was even more handsome than during his job interview. Why did he tend to always be interested the hopeless cases, it’s not as if Manhattan didn’t have a vibrant gay scene!

Wait, why was he even going there? He had a loving partner at home?! Oh, deep down he knew why… Bad timing. Later… he would have to deal with this later. This job was important; his grandmother needed the 20,000 dollars for her nursing home. 

“Any questions?” Harvey asked when he was done explaining and Mike just grinned at him and motioned around, “For how long did you have to work your ass off to get this one?”

Harvey smirked and shook his head in amusement, “Hot shot, if that’s your only question, I expect results tonight. Now go, get working.” 

Mike chuckled and waved with this file before he turned around and headed back to his cubicle. 

Something was very odd: Everyone around here seemed to be in awe of Harvey Specter, scared almost. He didn’t get it. Their first meeting at the Chilton had been so interesting, intriguing, a bit of a game to both of them. His head knew that Harvey was his boss but it didn’t reach the rest of his body. These minutes just now, walking side by side, standing in his office talking about the case, had been the only ones of the entire day that he hadn’t felt in the wrong place and completely insignificant. For some weird reason, Harvey seemed to trust him and he could not quite explain why but he trusted him, too. It wasn’t just the secret they shared, the fact that he wasn’t a lawyer and Harvey had hired him anyway. Nope, that wasn’t it.   
Hmmm.  
No time to think about that now, a woman needed his help - and that was something he had not seen coming when he started his job this morning. Pro Bono. Maybe those 12 months wouldn’t be too bad after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Nette for pointing out all those endless sentences and asking me to break them up. I hope it's all good now :) 
> 
> Two things:  
> [This](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capo) is a capo(daster).  
> And [this](https://www.meetup.com/de-DE/20SomethingNYC/) is 20Something.
> 
> You understand the story without knowing what this is but maybe you'd like to know anyway :)
> 
> PS: MALTA just reached Marriage Equality this week as did GERMANY (finally!!! About time!) about a month ago. Change is slowly happening, the bi girl in me is extremely pleased!

“Mikey, babe, have you seen my…” Brendan paced around the flat frantically while Mike wordlessly held up the capodaster to his guitar. 

“Oh and do you happen to know where I put…” he muttered to himself, looking completely distraught and lost in his own world. Mike pointed at the keys and the mobile phone on the table and approached his partner. 

There used to be a time when he found all of this majorly endearing, mesmerizing and something he could never be without. After 8 years, he wasn’t so sure anymore… Sometimes they seemed more like brothers than lovers and it bothered him more and more. Mike was 27 and more often than not, he started wondering if this was it. If things were supposed to stay like this forever. God, he did not want to feel this way. Was it normal? Of course love changes over the course of time but it was not meant to turn all cold and… comfortably dull. Right? 

“Bren, relax, it’s just a gig,” he murmured reassuringly and wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s torso. He kissed his temple, a dark brown lock got caught under his lips and he chuckled softly at his imperfect motion, trying to push the dark clouds away once more. This man had been the center of his universe and the gradual shift was nothing he was able to face just yet. 

“You know it’s not just a gig, babe… Tonight could change everything! All the things we’ve been fighting for, all the marches, the parades, all that shebang...” 

Mike tilted his head with a grin “Did you really just say ‘shebang’?” he tried to make it all seem easy and casual even though he knew that his partner was right. He could grasp the change that was on their doorstep, nobody could possibly deny it. This was his 12th year in the movement and suddenly there was hope. It was exciting, intoxicating - but terrifying at the same time. 

All those years it had been so very easy to just lean back and say that he did not even consider getting married because he couldn’t. That he wouldn’t talk about kids because he couldn’t have any. All those questions every straight young adult had to deal with seemed so far away, nothing to even sweat about. Mike went to parties, danced the nights away, and had many casual flings. Then he had bumped into this hellishly talented young guitar player at The Center. Singer-slash-songwriter. A boy who had charmed himself into Mike’s heart by not only writing the most intelligent protest songs of the movement but also parables about love and hope that had conquered Mike right from the start. Brendan’s voice had wormed its way into his dreams, his smile being the first thing Mike thought about in the mornings and the last one before he fell asleep. Mike had offered to design the boy’s flyers and made little clips for some of the songs. First, they had hung out at the gigs. Then they had both made sure to get involved in the same campaigns at The Center. Eventually, that had turned into dinner and a movie. The rest - as they say - was history. 

Fast forward to June 2011. Brendan still played gigs and had a good standing within the scene. One could say he was an established artist with a bit of a fan base. Things were a lot easier these days thanks to Facebook, YouTube, and all those places that made networking a swift and efficient task. His passion couldn’t fully support him financially but his job at Starbucks did. He worked in shifts and ever since Mike had signed the contract with Pearson Hardman three weeks ago, they had seen each other a total of six hours - even though they lived together. 

When Mike arrived at home, Brendan would usually be fast asleep or at a late night gig. In the mornings, when he got up again, his partner was already gone or lost in such a peaceful slumber that Mike never had the heart to wake him up for a joint breakfast. And if he was completely honest, Mike shared more conversations with Harvey these days than he did with Brendan - not just strictly work-related either, they had very refreshing banters about movies and pretty much everything else. Over those three weeks, they had already established something like a pattern that they both fell into with ease and it included a lot of teasing (and a little bit of showing off). Mike found himself looking forward to those encounters more and more and he knew that the fact he was actually missing them when he was with Brendan was really unfair. _They_ used to be like that. Years ago. However, after a while, the banters become predictable and when you know exactly how the other person ticks, it is probably less exciting and interesting.

“What are you thinking about,” Brendan asked and kissed his nose. Always the nose… He wrinkled it almost automatically - it was like a dance, you didn’t have to think about the steps anymore but let the music guide you, even if your head (or heart) was not in it. “Oh, nothing really, just that Antonin Scalia will be pretty damn angry if that bill actually passes tonight, this will be Lawrence vs Texas for him all over again.” he smirked and rested his forehead against Brendan’s.

“Imagine if scum like us could get married…” Brendan grinned widely and nudged Mike.  
He was right. Everything would change. It would turn their entire world upside down. Mike was not sure he was ready. “We should get going, don’t wanna keep your fans waiting,” he deflected and pulled away, reaching for the keys and handing over mobile phone and capo. 

***

When they arrived at The Center, the air was charged. Everybody was aware of how special this day was. The TV on the wall was still on mute while the guys and girls from 20Something - an organization of young lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people, all around Mike’s age - decorated the community room for the special occasion. There were cameras everywhere in front of the building and also in some of the community rooms - it seemed like some of the groups wanted the extra publicity to get their message across and had invited local and national TV stations inside. Of course, the media was interested to get first hand reactions from the LGBTQ community. Mike luckily had managed to sneak inside ‘his’ group’s room without having to answer any questions about his sexual orientation. Any other day, he would be more than willing to fight the fight; people knew that they could count on him whenever they needed a leader for a demonstration. 

Still. Today was different. Mike was so glad that 20Something had decided that this was ‘their’ day. They could be activists any other time; this right now was about them. The gay community had fought for decades for this very moment to come and this was their reward for all those years. They deserved the victory.

Mike was not ashamed of who he was - that period had long passed. The one where he simply wanted to belong. The one where he’d been angry at himself for not only embodying the poor little orphan without parents but the poor gay catholic little orphan who’d have to struggle through his formative years. The time when he had almost dropped out of high school because he had felt like he stood out and just wanted to run away to a place where homophobia and bullying did not exist to start all over again. 

Brendan was currently setting up his little ‘stage’ which basically consisted of a cleared space, a chair and a mic while humming contentedly to himself, while Mike helped festooning the room together with Jared and Craig. Someone turned up the stereo and when both boys started dancing along to Madonna’s “Like A Virgin”, Mike finally relaxed - since when had he become so stiff? - and started laughing wholeheartedly “Guys, you’re such a cliché”. Jared jumped down the chair he had been standing on, exclaimed “You’ve known my sorry ass for ten years and only figured that out today? Oh Mikey… I’m disappointed” and reached for Mike’s hand, animating him to join in on the fun. Before long, the three boys were dancing as if there was no tomorrow. 

“Where’s Trev?” Craig asked when he waved his hands above his head and Mike frowned “Not talking to him. Long story. He better stay wherever he is, or else I’ll have to break his nose…” 

“Oh, trouble in paradise,” Craig raised his eyebrows and Brendan, who had snug up from behind and wrapped his arms around Mike’s torso, pressing his body close to his, answered “I don’t mind not seeing that bastard for a while…”

Mike swallowed down a remark. He knew that Brendan had never been a fan of his best friend. First, he had pinned it down to jealousy but all the condescending talk about how he was bad for him and had ruined his life had never really done anything but angered and estranged him. On the other hand, it had only taken one sentence from Harvey including the word “anchor” and the advice to get rid of him, to actually walk away from Trevor for good. Priorities? 

Mike felt a kiss pressed against the soft spot right below his ear and was back in the here and now. He leaned against Brendan and closed his eyes. Maybe they could work this out? Somehow? The nausea in his stomach, the nerves when it came to today’s events told him otherwise…

The first time he had set foot into The Center had been straight after he had been to his first gay bar. At the age of 15, Mike had figured out that it was about time to do something about… well about everything. He wanted to explore his sexuality, wanted to see and experience it all first hand. Even though he had no clue what to expect - the TV show “Queer As Folk” wasn’t aired until he was 19, it could have spared him a lot of embarrassment! - he just knew that he wanted to be part of this culture. 

Thankfully, he had an ally in Trevor. The boy was just as curious as he was and apart from some serious smooching sessions, they never made a pass at one another, possibly because they were too scared to fuck up their already pretty dysfunctional friendship. 

So first the gay bar. They had been underage, completely inexperienced and naive and Mike had almost been dragged to a dark room that night simply because he had misread the signs and accidentally led someone on more than he had intended to. That boyish charm performed miracles those days. But Trevor had saved him by faking an emergency and the next day, they’d decided to first get in touch with people that actually knew how the scene worked before giving the whole ‘gay bar thing’ another try. 

At The Center, they had found many young boys in similar situations. Mike had always sensed he was different. From a very young age on, he had noticed that other boys were more interested in sports and fights while he had always preferred to take pictures with his dad’s camera, an old Hasselblad that - in his eyes - still took the best pictures out of all the gear he owned. He listened to music, played guitar, loved reading, poetry in particular. Here, just a ten minute walk from the historic Stonewall Inn, he had met likeminded people. Of course he was not stupid; he knew that he had been thinking in stereotypes at the time. Something he would only become aware of later on when he made friends with more people at The Center. Still the feeling of belonging had been strong since day one, no matter what those boys did in their spare time.

“Mikey, you’re quiet today, you should be celebrating,” Craig pointed out and basically ripped him out of his boyfriend’s arms. “Bren, go get ready for your show, I want to have another dance with your pretty boy.” The blondie who was one of the oldest of the 20Something crowd, but still almost one head smaller than Mike and fairly queer spun him around and danced across the room with him, leaning in and asking, “Is everything okay?” God, why was Craig always this perceptive? He always seemed to notice when Mike was depressed or anxious.

“Yeah, of course,” Mike replied almost defensively and let him lead. He did not register what they were doing but felt in a bit of a trancelike state. 

“It’s just that you don’t seem overjoyed by tonight’s events,” he pointed out matter-of-factly. 

“I don’t wanna get my hopes up, in case the Marriage Equality Act falls through,” Mike replied and let Craig whirl him around once more. God, he missed dancing! They hardly ever went out these days. The joy of getting old.

“It won’t and you know it. You look rather spooked about the possibility that it might become effective,” Craig stated the obvious and Mike went as pale as a ghost before he gnawed on his bottom lip and admitted “What if he proposes…?”

The older man was about to say something but only came as far as “Wouldn’t that…” until Jared joined them in their little dance and pointed at the stage “Brendan’s ready, let’s get this started…”

People gathered around Brendan quickly and Mike couldn’t help but feel a wave of pride wash over him when he started doing his thing and dominated the stage - no, the entire room. People just loved him, he was stunningly gorgeous with his slightly 1920’s look, those red suspenders over the white shirt holding his black trousers. Then that silly hipster Stetson canvas that he adored and would not go anywhere without and his favorite and slightly battered guitar made of Canadian wood that Mike had gotten him for his 25th birthday. There was nothing about him that was not to love - still Mike had never felt more agitated looking at him than he felt right now. Something did not seem right. Not anymore. He was singing along to Brendan’s protest songs, joined him for one of them on stage but it all did not mean as much to him as it should have. Especially today. 

Brendan had just finished his sixth’ song when somebody came into the room and shouted “It’s happening, turn up the volume” and everyone immediately moved closer to the device that was attached to the opposite wall. Craig fumbled with the remote and the room was absolutely quiet; you could hear a pin drop. As soon as the names in favor of the Marriage Equality Act were announced, _”Sword, Stealth, Larkin…”_ some Asian girl that Mike had seen two or three times before started counting “23, 24, 25…” 

The activists became restless. This was a once in a lifetime event and Mike was here, at The Center, with the people who had dedicated huge amounts of their time and energy to make this happen.  
They had done it! People were starting to scream. It felt so bizarre - arms were wrapped around him, he was kissed by several boys from 20Something and suddenly he was flying. Oh God. It was not a dream. Only now, in this instant, it had gotten real. 

The music was turned up to maximum value, everyone around them started dancing, but Jared, Craig, and Brendan pulled Mike with them down onto the streets. They were bathing in a sea of rainbow flags and washed down 7th Avenue towards the Stonewall Inn. Somebody pushed a banner into Mike’s hand but he did not even register what it said or who had handed it to him. There were video and photo cameras but everything was so absurd, so incredibly overwhelming and emotionally challenging, that he did not even grasp it in that moment. Brendan ruffled his hair and whispered into his ear “Don’t cry, babe, this is a fight we won!” It was then that he noticed the wet streams running down his face and there was no way he could stop them. He was the only one to know that they were not purely happy tears.


	3. Chapter 3

God, that last drink at 2am had definitely been one too many, this was bound to be a cruel Monday morning! However, special occasions call for special parties and a special party it had been indeed. The rest of the evening was a bit of a blur to Mike, the last thing he could remember was dancing in a club he had not been to before, celebrating dozens of engagements made in the spur of the moment - followed by congratulatory drinks of course. 

Now Mike had to pay the price for what had seemed like an excellent idea last night. He sat at the desk in his cubicle and tried to mind his own business; if he could, he would definitely wear shades because no matter how indirect the light - it was still cruel to his eyes. He rubbed his temple and stifled a yawn, going over the same damn paragraph over and over again. This called for a highlighter, otherwise he would forget about what he had just read within an instant - eidetic memory or not. He was busy finding one that actually worked when Harvey showed up at his desk, put his hands on the partition wall of his cubicle and looked at him with a mixture of annoyance and… curiosity? He pulled his chin up and announced “Follow me, we need to talk.”

“What’s the matter?” Mike stumbled to his feet, he did not like a cross Harvey; it made him uneasy when they were not on the same page and he usually turned into a clumsy mess whenever that was the case. He quickly rushed after him and gnawed on his lip when Harvey closed the door behind them and turned off the intercom with Donna. Okay, shit was serious, that hardly ever happened. Usually, Donna was listening in on every word uttered in this very room. 

Mike tried to scan through all the deals they had settled over the past few weeks to prepare himself for a dressing down but to no avail - he could not think of anything crucial and that made him even more anxious. His palms were sweaty and he could hear the blood rushing in his ears. Harvey motioned for him to sit down on the couch and settled in the chair opposite the small glass table. 

“Mike,” Harvey didn’t sound as harsh as he had in front of the other associates and Mike began to hope that all of this was part of a weird charade. Christ, he profoundly disliked it when he couldn’t read other people; he used to be so much better at it but corporate lawyers were sharks and putting on a poker face and always keeping your cards close to your chest seemed to be part of the Harvard 1.01 of lawyering. Mike could not shake the feeling he wouldn’t like this conversation and the headache didn’t actually help to ease his mind.

“You know that Pearson Hardman is a rather progressive law firm,” he continued. Did he? Were they? So far, he hadn’t noticed any of that kind, they appeared to be just as conservative as all those companies noted on the stock market that they represented. For some reason, he was reluctant to say so because he had a feeling he would not like what he was about to hear.

“We take equality very seriously. Women work the same amount of time that men do for equal pay,” he pointed out to which Mike tilted his head and butted in for the first time “You don’t exactly have a whole lot of women amongst your partners, Harvey…”

“Jessica Pearson’s name is on the fucking wall!” Harvey replied incredulously and Mike lifted his hands in self-defense “Just saying…”

His boss poured them both two glasses of water and leant back, thinking about what to say next. He was about to start, reconsidered and fumbled with his hands. Mike realized that his boss was nervous and didn’t even bother hiding it. Now that was something very unlike Harvey _caring is weakness_ Specter and it increased the general tension in the room. He took a sip and looked at Mike again.

“You were filmed yesterday, Mike,” Harvey changed his approach and left Mike baffled. 

“Doing what?” Mike asked, his heart suddenly beating rapidly against his chest.

“Holding a sign saying ‘I will not go back into the closet’, standing in front of the Stonewall Inn,” Harvey looked at him more openly now. There was nothing condescending about it, no disgust, not even surprise but a mixture of emotions he could vaguely identify. One of them looked like sadness, another one resembled regret. 

Mike inhaled sharply and held his breath for a second, trying to figure out what to say, if he should be confrontational or understanding. Hell, he didn’t even know why Harvey even brought this up. It was none of his goddamn business and it was his private life that they were talking about. It was not exactly as if Harvey had told him much about himself over the past few weeks and Mike felt exposed and at disadvantage. 

“Yes, I’m gay,” he began. Now he needed water as well, his throat suddenly felt dry and tight. When had the feeling of shame returned? What was it about this place that made him feel bad about who he was? He held onto the glass as if his life was depending on it and gathered some more courage. “And I don’t intend on hiding that,” he continued, trying to hold Harvey’s gaze.

“Mike… Listen… Not being heterosexual is absolutely okay to me, I’m not prejudiced. We do live in the 21st century, I understand you felt celebratory yesterday after the passing of the Marriage Equality Act, it’s a big achievement for New York, especially considering that it was a nearly unanimous voting. But. And you’re not going to like this,” Harvey ran his hand through his hair, he didn’t seem to enjoy this talk one bit - and of course he was right, neither did Mike. 

“Let me guess. I can’t be seen in public protesting anymore?” he cut right to the chase (even though he had to admit that part of him wanted to watch Harvey squirm under the weight of the conversation - he should at least get a taste of what it was like to be on the receiving end of this).

“You’re representing Pearson Hardman, Mike. Now that program you were on was local, I’m not sure anyone from the firm saw it, Jessica certainly didn’t and I would rather keep it that way,” his boss was actually somewhat rambling now which was very uncharacteristic for him. _Yes, let this be difficult for you Harvey, you have no idea what you put me through…_

“Some of our clients are stuck in the past. Many of the CEOs of the companies we represent are Republicans, Christians…” 

The younger man felt bitter and disappointed at the same time, he interrupted Harvey’s speech. “Homophobic assholes? Yeah. I’m not surprised.” He involuntarily bit on his bottom lip and inhaled deeply to keep his cool. 

“Okay. So let me get this clear. I’m not only to stay away from the media - which I could live with, I’ve done the PR for long enough and wouldn’t mind campaigning in the background for a while…” his voice was more unsteady than he would have liked to and for a change he didn’t trust to let his guards down in front of Harvey. They were higher up than ever. 

He put his glass down and counted “But Christmas parties, company events, bar nights, client dinners…” he inhaled deeply to steady his voice and started over again, “You won’t want me to bring my partner, is that it? You want me to pretend that I’m single? That I haven’t found Mrs. Right just yet?” 

Harvey was about to say something before he changed his mind. He nodded curtly and said cruelly businesslike “That’s the price you have to pay for working at the biggest corporate law firm of the country. Do you have a problem with that?”

Mike squinted his eyes together. He was so incredibly angry and disappointed right now. His heart was burning in his throat and he inhaled deeply to keep his cool, which did not go too well. Mike’s hands were trembling as he looked at Harvey visibly upset, “Fuck that, Harvey. Seriously. Fuck. That.” 

He was about to get up and leave the room, trying to figure out what to do with this piece of information but Harvey put a hand on his arm and silently asked him to stay, “Hey… I’m not the enemy here, Mike. I’m not the one making the rules. Trust me, I have no problem with your sexuality.”

“Rules?” Mike shrieked and let himself fall back against the rest. He ran his hands over his face and his shoulders slumped down. Those past four weeks came crashing down on him, the feeling of not fitting in, being the odd one out. The reminders of his teenage years. He muttered, “You do know that your so-called rules violate pretty much every anti-discrimination law in the state, right?”

Harvey pointed out as calmly as he could (which was not very calm at all but at least he tried), “You know exactly what I mean. This isn’t discrimination, you’re not any different to me today than you were yesterday. But times are tough, we are in the middle of a recession, the stock market is still only recovering from the blow in 2008 and we can’t afford to lose major clients because our employees’ private lives don’t align with their values. I know it isn’t fair but it is what it is. If I could change that, I would. But I can’t.”

Mike had listened in silence and every word was like a kick in the stomach. Deep down inside he knew that Harvey had a point - life in 2011 still wasn’t gay-friendly and outside his bubble he was aware that many people felt threatened by the way he was and felt. People had changed the sidewalk when they had spotted him with Brendan on numerous occasions. He had been spat at, too. When would this ordeal finally be over? It was just love - why did other people care so much about it? 

“Fuck, Harvey. I swore myself I was above all of that when I left high school. Do you have any idea…” his voice trailed off before he inhaled deeply, letting out an exhausted sigh. He just wanted all of this to be over. Would he ever be considered normal? Not a freak? Not a person in hiding? The sadness he had tried to suppress over the past weeks slowly crept up on him.

“No, I don’t,” Harvey replied honestly. Something about him had changed. Right now, he wasn’t his boss Harvey Specter anymore. The one telling him off. He listened and seemed sympathetic, Mike had never seen him this way and it stirred something up inside him. “I know that it sucks, Mike. I wish I didn’t have to tell you this”. 

“But?” Mike tried and hardly looked him in the eyes.

“No ‘but’. I wish I didn’t. You’re the best associate I’ve ever worked with, you’re passionate and even though you still have a lot to learn - especially how not to wear your heart on your sleeve all the time - I can tell how much this, being a lawyer, means to you. I would understand if you weren’t willing to play along and rather work somewhere else. But I’d hate to see you go,” his boss was very serious. They were on one level right now, he was not looking down on Mike but respected every decision he would make.

“I don’t want to go,” Mike heard himself say and was almost surprised that his opinion had changed this much over the past four weeks considering that he had wanted to leave as soon as he could when he had started. 

“Good,” Harvey replied relieved. “You can trust me that I won’t throw you under the bus. And if anything ever happens that threatens to expose you, you come to me! If you something’s bothering you. We’re a team, alright? Personally, I admire the work the LGBT community has done over the past few years and if it was up to me, you should have been allowed to get married years ago, I don’t see the big deal in it, never have. Gender is overrated. As long as you’re happy...”

Mike found himself mumble, “I wish I was…” and blushed when realization hit him. God, why had he just said that? 

Harvey raised his eyebrows in surprise “Your boyfriend looked overjoyed in that broadcast…” He obviously had not meant to say that bit either because he immediately added “Sorry, it’s not my place to…” when Mike interrupted him once more.

“No, I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to air my dirty linen… It’s complicated… anyway, I should go back to the Groundmoore briefs.” He almost jumped to his feet and looked down to avoid revealing his blushing face. What an embarrassing ending to an awful conversation this was! He needed to get away quickly before he made even more of an ass of himself.

“Mike,” Harvey got to his feet as well and turned to face his leaving associate once more. He paused for a second, put his hands into his pockets and looked at him… protectively?! “I’m glad you’re staying. This won’t be forever.”

Mike snorted “Yeah, right. I’ve heard that one before…” and left the room with an ambivalent feeling. Harvey would always have his back, he should not have been surprised about that one - he just wished he had the power to change things. 

From that moment on, the man who had been on local television, holding an ‘I will not go back into the closet’ sign was officially the biggest hypocrite in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please don't hate me for this one!!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this contains a bit of a cliché but it fitted to the story, so I let it happen anyway ;) You'll probably know what I mean when you're done reading but if not, that's even better, haha. This is the last chapter that has been beta'd by now and since both my gorgeous beta girls Nette and Dee are VERY busy at the moment, you might have to wait for a little longer until you'll have a new chapter in your inbox. But the story keeps on growing - just like all of my stories - I'm currently at 46 pages and 23,000 words. So this will be yet another monster... hope you enjoy it even though it's not very 'dramatic' but more of a description of what many people in the LGBTQ community face every day.

Anniversary -> Check.  
Favorite fancy restaurant -> Check.  
Partner wearing favorite cologne -> Check.  
Those clothes that Mike had particularly liked on him -> Check.  
That particular look on his face -> Check.

Oh God. Mike was going to faint soon. Two months had passed since the Marriage Equality Act had become effective and Mike had actively avoided coming home early enough to spend the evening with Brendan on more than one occasion. Harvey had of course noticed his reluctance to leave the office but never said a word about it. He did not actually have to, what he thought was written all over his face. It basically read “Mike, man up and talk to the poor guy about what’s bothering you” (maybe it wasn’t Harvey’s face but his bad conscience saying that…) and of course he was right. 

Now it was too late. The car headed straight for the wall and Mike was in no position to stop it. All he could do was close his eyes and hope that they had both come out of this one alive. Their relationship definitely wouldn’t and he felt like an asshole for actually letting it come to this.

So many times over the past few weeks, he had woken up in the morning, looked at Brendan and decided that this was the evening he would tell him about his changed feelings. He would spend the entire day planning their conversation and figuring out a way to bring up the subject without crushing Brendan. Because it wasn’t like he did not care about him. He still loved him - just in a very different way. He was family the way his grandmother was. She loved the man to bits and he had no idea how to tell her either that he could not be with him anymore - because he couldn’t quite name it. ‘It doesn’t feel right anymore’ seemed too weak. Oh God, how did you do this? Was there an actual manual? 

So day after day, he had intended to do it. Week after week, it had been on his mind - and people had noticed. Of course they had. Both Harvey and Rachel had remarked that his head had not quite been there and of course they were right. He didn’t want his private life to interfere with work but everything was about to change and he felt like a scared child. So eventually, he had spent all those days and weeks on the couch in Harvey’s office, going over contracts and correspondence with him and used every excuse to remain seated until Brendan was definitely asleep.

“Mikey,” his partner cleared his throat and he knew that this was it. Oh God, he was such a bastard, “We’ve been seeing each other for 9 years now and…” Brendan was clearly nervous. Mike reached across the table and for his hand. He squeezed it and shook his head; he did not have the heart to hear the complete speech before turning him down.

“What…” Brendan asked confused and his eyes widened, suddenly noticing the change in Mike’s posture. When you have dated each other for that long, you sometimes didn’t need any words to understand what’s going on. “You’re not going to…” he pointed out and swallowed bitterly.

Mike gnawed on his lip the way he often did when he was nervous and uneasy and shook his head sadly. He did not let go of his hand and whispered hoarsely “Bren… I’m so sorry…” Brendan’s entire world collapse in that very moment and Mike rubbed his face with his free hand, shaking visibly. 

“I’m so, so sorry… For a while now I have felt as if… It was never an option to get married and now that it is, I just… I guess I realized that I’m not… I’m not in love with you anymore...“ He looked up very carefully and immediately babbled, “I’m so, so sorry! You mean the world to me, this isn’t the easy way out, it’s not as if I never loved you. I did and I do. I have always wanted to be with you for my entire life but now that we can make it official, I had to face that… You’ve become more of a brother to me…” 

Brendan did not pull away, he held onto him as if he was drowning and tears jumped to his eyes, “For how long have you known…?” He sounded so young and broken. So surprised. And that made it so much more heartbreaking. Mike’s announcement had hit him completely unexpectedly. All the times he had kissed Brendan and held him had been the perfect disguise of what had happened inside of him. Too perfect. Mike knew that he should not be the one comforting him now even though his first impulse told him to do so - but he was the one who had hurt Brendan. 

He pressed his lips together “I don’t know… A couple of weeks… but I had to be sure, you know? I didn’t just want to throw it all away. Everything we have. Had.” 

“I thought you were busy…” Brendan inhaled shakily and looked down at their joint hands, “but you were avoiding me, weren’t you?”

Mike sighed very softly, “I guess I was. I thought that maybe it was just a phase. Maybe I was just stressed out at my new job. That I needed to get adjusted and then we would be okay again. But if I’m honest, it started way before that…”

Brendan finally pulled his hand away and pushed a lock out of his forehead, he was clearly trembling. “I think… no, I know… I need… Please don’t come home tonight. Do you want to keep the flat? Because if you don’t… It’s close to work and The Center and... “

Mike rubbed his hands over his eyes and exhaled exhausted. He hadn’t actually thought it through what it meant to break up with Brendan. Part of him felt very relieved right now but the sadness he had tried to suppress over the past weeks and months took their toll on him now. He felt his eyes water and angrily brushed the tears away because he was the one who had just broken up with his partner, if anyone was allowed to cry it was Brendan. Maybe it was down to the shock but Bren seemed more composed than Mike felt. 

“You can have it,” Mike replied, sounding hollow and broken. “I don’t want to make any requests… Whatever you need… I’ll sleep at a friend’s place tonight and pack up my things when you’re at work.” So this is what it had come down to. Nine years of his life. They could have lasted forever. A perfect match. Some things were not meant to be, love was a son of a bitch.

“I’ll pay...“ Mike said weakly as the waiter came with the bill but Brendan insisted. He was too proud; he had invited him and wanted to see it through now. So typically him. When they were on their own again, Mike gnawed on his bottom lip once more before he exhaled loudly and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Brendan nodded “I know… Me, too,” he closed his eyes and mumbled, “I think you should go now.” 

“Yeah”, Mike replied shakily and got to his feet. He left the restaurant after repeating how sorry he was and wanted to say something like “I want us to stay friends” but right now he didn’t have the right to make any kind of requests, Brendan needed the space and he would grant it.  
Mike walked down the streets, feeling both numb and burning up at the same time.  
He had no idea where he was going.  
When he had said he would stay with a friend, he had not really had anyone in particular in mind. 

Craig and Jared were his and Brendan’s friends. It felt wrong, like a betrayal towards Brendan. He did not want them to choose sides, so he immediately ruled them out. 

Trevor and him were still not talking, Mike was not sure he could ever forgive him for what he had done this time. It’s not as if he hadn’t gotten him into trouble before but this time it had been serious business, he could have gone to jail for him.

Rachel? No. He liked her but she did not know anything about him. They had spent quite some time working together but deep down he still felt like she thought he was hitting on her and he did not want to add to that by showing up at her doorsteps unannounced. Especially because he had a feeling that she indeed was interested in him. They had been out to lunch a couple of times over the past few months to discuss cases and colleagues and even though he laughed a lot in her presence, he did not want to give her the wrong signals. 

The only person who knew that he was gay and in a relationship was Harvey. Since that conversation in his office after his first month at Pearson Hardman, he had not brought up the subject of Mike’s sexuality once and treated him as if nothing had happened that day. It was exactly what he needed now but he was not sure they had exceeded the boss-employee state yet. Then again, Harvey had told him he could always talk to him should he feel the need. Moreover, their work relationship had been unconventional right from the start. Yes, Harvey was his employer - but they were lacking the distance that usually came with hierarchy. Maybe it was because they were partners in crime regarding his missing law degree… 

_I’m homeless. Did you drag some poor lady home or can I crash on your couch?_

His phone immediately rang and his boss was on the line “I take it you finally talked?”

Mike cursed inwardly, they had never discussed this at work, but Harvey was quite some observant son of a bitch, “Short version: He proposed, we broke up, I’m a bastard.”

Harvey’s voice was amused but Mike could tell that he was genuinely caring when he replied, “Alright, don’t go telling anyone but I have a heart for bastards. Come on over, bring Chinese.”

Mike hailed a cap and stopped at their usual Pearson Hardman take-away place. He did not feel very hungry anymore after having spent the past few hours trying to enjoy what usually was his favorite food but if Harvey was nice enough to let him stay at his place, he could at least humor him with something to eat. 

When he knocked on Harvey’s door, he opened him in a grey Henley and trainers and Mike couldn’t help but think that he seemed so much more accessible without his ‘armor’ that was his three-pieced suit. There was something relaxed about him, friendly. Mike held up the bag with the food and said with a weak smile, “You ordered Chinese, Sir?” 

“I did indeed, how much do I owe you?” 

Mike tilted his head and replied with slightly hoarse voice that failed to disguise his current emotional state, “A night on your couch.”

Harvey smirked “Well, that’s unconventional but alright, deal, come on in.” Harvey nodded towards the inside of his condo and took a step back, leading him into the open space that was his kitchen slash living room. 

Mike put the take-away onto the kitchen counter and looked around in awe. The room he was currently in was bigger than their entire flat and the city lights that danced in the dark almost seemed magical from up here. “No wonder you never admire the view at work when you have THIS,” he pointed at the enormous panorama windows.

When Mike turned around, Harvey held two glasses of scotch and handed him one. They both walked up to the window front and looked out for a moment, avoiding the elephant in the room until Mike allowed himself to let go and sighed sadly. 

Harvey sipped on his drink, the other hand casual in his pocket, and asked after a while “Wanna talk about it?” He did not sound nosey or pushy; it was simply an offer. 

“I don’t know…” Mike pressed out throatily. He was dying to talk about it but had no idea how to get started. So they stood in silence and just had their drinks while the food was slowly getting cold. There was no easy way to this, was there? Mike studied a painting on Harvey’s wall without actually paying attention to it. His mind was a million miles away. The relief he had felt after the truth had been out was an indication that he had done the right thing but his heart still ached as he said quietly “He was perfect, you know? Brendan… Objectively, he was just the one for me.”

Harvey wrinkled his forehead and pointed out “You’re possibly the most subjective person I know. And even if you weren’t, these things don’t really work objectively, do they?”

“If they did, I’d be an engaged, happy man right now - so… no, they don’t,” Mike replied bitterly. He downed the scotch and Harvey frowned “Easy, tiger…” before he took Mike’s glass and refilled it anyway. 

“Thanks… When I met him, I instantly knew that I wanted to be with him. Best guitar player at The Center. Awesome lyrics. Insightful stuff. We would jam for hours,” Mike shrugged and added thoughtfully “I haven’t touched my guitar in months.”

“You play guitar?” Harvey grinned at Mike and managed to make him smile openly for the first time in hours “I’m actually quite decent. And believe it or not: I sing, too!”

Harvey widened his eyes “Mike Ross, full of surprises.”

Mike smirked and shrugged “You ain’t seen nothing yet! I also happen to take some decent pictures. Mostly of buildings, light and shadow, those kinda things. Portraits of interesting people. Artist in disguise, c’est moi. I gotta live up to at least one or two stereotypes, don’t I?”

Harvey walked over to the couch and let himself fall into the cushion, “So, Eddy Joaquim, care to show me some of your work sometime?”

Mike widened his eyes and headed straight to Harvey. He let himself fall right next to him and was excited for the first time all night “You know Eddy Joaquim? He’s a fucking genius!” So who was the one full of surprises now? Harvey Specter definitely had a couple of aces up his sleeves. “I wish I was just half as good as he is.”

“I actually won one of his pictures in a poker game last year, still need to put it up somewhere but it doesn’t quite fit in here, it’s not really my style, maybe it’d be more suitable for the office,” Harvey shrugged nonchalantly.

“You own an original Eddy Joaquim, in fact you won it in a poker game with him,” Mike looked at him incredulously “Who are you?”

Harvey tilted his head and flashed one of those open smiles that he had witnessed only once or twice before and replied “I know that everyone is hyping that kid. He is barely older than you are, who knows where he will be in a year from now, I just seized my chance... “ 

Mike grinned, “Now, if you say something like that amongst my group of friends, they would get a very wrong idea of what you meant.”

Harvey simply shook his head in amusement and changed the subject, “Have I ever told you that my dad was a saxophone player?” 

Mike turned a little to be able to look Harvey straight in the eyes, pointing out, “You haven’t really told me anything about yourself, to be fair. We only ever talk about me.”

Harvey turned serious, “Actually, that’s not true. The only time we’ve talked about you was when I had to have that conversation with you.”

Mike frowned and stared into Harvey’s surely very expensive glass as he was swirling his scotch around. He did not like to be reminded of that night, it was definitely one of the low points he had hit over the past few years and he still felt like he was betraying the community by pretending to be someone he was not. He inhaled deeply and mumbled, “God, how I hated that…”

Harvey nodded calmly and the expression on his face softened a little. He was open and right in that moment definitely more a friend than a boss. Things between them seemed different when they weren’t at the office, they were more relaxed, more honest, “I did, too… Trust me, I didn’t want to have to say those things to you. I know I told you so but I’m not exactly sure if you believed me.”

“Oh, I believed you. But you know… It does get very lonely...“ the alcohol was slowly starting to work and loosened his tongue a little.

“What does?” Harvey enquired calmly.

“Being the freak. I have always been the odd one out, you know? The orphan. The gay kid. There was a time when I believed that things would be different, that one day we would all be equal. It’s easy to fool yourself when you’re dating an artist and are a gay rights activist. You surround yourself with the people that are good for your ego. But that’s not the real world. Pearson Hardman is.”

“Mike…” Harvey simply replied. The mixture of regret and sadness that Mike had already encountered during their first conversation about this topic was back on Harvey’s face but he did not add anything else. What could he possibly say to make it better?

“Are you hungry?” Mike deflected and got up to fetch the Chinese food. He handed one box and a pair of chopsticks over and sat down with his own, eating in silence even though he still wasn’t really up for the take-away. He felt rotten about having drawn the attention to himself again when Harvey had wanted to share a bit about his own upbringing. Now the moment was gone and he just hoped that he had not thrown away a once in a lifetime opportunity.

“Let’s watch a movie,” Harvey suggested after a while when none of them knew what to say and Mike was happy about the distraction. 

“As long as it’s not Brokeback Mountain,” he winked at the man in front of him. His boss really tried, he had to give him that. He didn’t pressure him to talk and he genuinely seemed to care. 

“I was going to suggest Philadelphia,” Harvey smirked back at him.

They both looked at each other, grinning boyishly and requested at the same time “Top Gun!” 

When Harvey navigated through the menu, he asked casually “So does your gaydar go off when you see…”

“...Tom Cruise? Hell, yeah!”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Novemberhush for beta'ing this one even though she was extremely busy with her own stuff. I hope I can return the favour anytime soon!!! Love you!

When Mike woke up on the surprisingly comfortable sofa the morning after, Harvey had made coffee for the two of them and was already dressed for work. They shared a couple of minutes together and talked about all sort of things but the obvious because of course they knew that last night had changed something between them. Where Mike had not been sure the previous evening what their status was, it was crystal clear now that they were friends. A weird constellation, granted, but he had called this man in need for help and Harvey had not even taken a second to reconsider. 

As if Harvey was reading his thoughts, he offered, “Why don’t you take the morning off and get your stuff to my place. I don’t mind having you around for a couple of days until you’ve found yourself an apartment - if you’re alright with sleeping on the couch, that is. Unfortunately, I don’t have a guest room. Still better than a rundown motel with the risk of getting mugged.” He reached into his suit pocket and pulled a business card out between index and middle finger that he casually handed over “Maybe this guy can help you, he’s a decent real estate agent…” In that instant, he sounded like ‘job Harvey’ rather than the man he had gotten to know yesterday but Mike appreciated the gesture. 

He accepted the card with a smile, “Thanks. For everything. I’ll check him out - does he even have apartments for the normal 90 per cent of the population or will I have to sell my soul to find something affordable?”

“I thought that you sold your soul to me when I hired you,” Harvey shook his head in mock dismay. Mike thoroughly enjoyed their banters. They made this morning so much easier. Yes, he would have to deal with real life very soon but for now, he wanted to pretend that everything was okay.

Mike held the coffee cup with two hands and grinned against the porcelain, “Fair point, how could I possibly forget?” 

“I’ll make sure to remind you,” Harvey downed the coffee and placed the mug in the sink before grabbing his jacket, “Alright, I’m off to work. Just stop by the office as soon as you’re done moving your essentials, I’ll tell everyone I asked you to see a client.”

With that, his boss - friend - took off. Mike could not even begin to express how grateful he was to have a person around who didn’t know every little fight he had ever had with Brendan, nor would he try to get them back together. With Jared and Craig, he wasn’t so sure. The couple had always been very supportive of Brendan’s and his relationship and they had spent countless evenings on double dates and holidays together. Breaking up with Brendan was bound to make everything at The Center more difficult and Mike disliked the idea of campaigning with new people. They would have to work this out somehow. 

When Mike had finished his coffee, he walked over to the sink and cleaned both of their cups. It was an oddly domestic thing to do considering that he hardly knew this guy who had offered him to stay at his place. 

Out of all the people he had met over the past few years, Harvey was the man with the highest defenses. He was cautious of everyone and everything and constantly seemed to be playing a role. How exhausting that had to be! Last night, Mike was sure he had seen a glimpse of the real person behind the mask. Harvey was a lot more gentle and caring than he let on. He seemed to be full of worry to do and say the right thing. At work, he knew every little detail, every possible loophole, he was completely in his element and bathed right in it but at home, he was a very different person altogether. How many people actually got to see the real Harvey Specter?

Mike strolled over to the couch, slid into yesterday’s jeans and stretched.   
God.   
He was single.   
‘SIN-GLE’ he mouthed to himself, trying to figure out if that rang true yet but it still felt so unreal.   
Mike was no different person from the one he had been yesterday. Life did not just magically end with the break up. It did not start either. None of the clichés, none of the life altering epiphanies you saw in movies proved to be true. Maybe he was even a little disappointed by how easily everything fell into place. Brendan and him, that had been his first real relationship and to experience firsthand how the world did not stop turning actually hurt.

Waking up in an apartment that wasn’t his own was a strange reminder of the few years before he had met Brendan. Long nights at a club, taking a cab, coming up for ‘a cup of coffee’... He had definitely had his share of casual encounters before going steady but the strange feeling in his guts reminded him of just how much he was out of practice. Those events seemed like a lifetime ago. 

Mike slowly took in in his surroundings and tried to remember where the bathroom was. He had a vague memory of brushing his teeth somewhere down the hall, so that’s where he went. Following Murphy’s Law, the first door that he opened was the one to Harvey’s bedroom and he could not help but smirk at the image of a topless man sprawled on this mattress that flashed up before his inner eye. _Ah. Stop it already. You’ve just broken up with your long term boyfriend, anything would be appealing to you right now._

Taking all the time in the world to get ready, allowed him to avoid the moment of the truth a little longer. Brendan would not be home, that much he could be sure of but he knew what he was about to do and it just seemed surreal. Those four walls that had been their safe haven, their promise to each other would no longer be his. After packing up his things, he should probably leave the keys on the table… 

Oh, he could do this. He had been thinking about this for way too many weeks and months now. Time to grow some balls!

***

“How did the meeting with Solar Axis Inc. go?” Rachel inquired when she bumped into Mike in the lobby. She was grinning widely as she linked arms with the associate and guided him straight out of the building again. 

“Sol… oh, Solar Axis, ehm… I’ll tell you all about it once we’ve ordered, alright? I’m starving,” Mike reacted a little perplexed at first until he got that this was the client Harvey had told everyone he’d have a chat with.

Christ, he had forgotten about this lunch appointment but was too slow and preoccupied to come up with a valid excuse to just sneak into the office and hide in his cubicle until he’d come to terms with the reality check he had just encountered by dropping his things in Harvey’s living room. He had been right about one thing: Brendan had not been home. But what he hadn’t expected to find was a note saying that he should keep the keys for a while, “just in case”. Brendan obviously still thought he would change his mind. And the way his body had reacted to that idea - by making him feel sick with nerves - had been enough to know that breaking up had been the best decision he had made in a while.

Mike’s place of choice would have been his favorite burger joint because he was in dire need of some greasy goodness but Rachel being a bit of a foodie, she did not quite appreciate the unhealthy delights that Mike was basically living off during stressful periods, so they ended up at a pasta place he had never been to before. 

When they sat down, Mike immediately burrowed his face into the menu and acted as if he was actually considering the options when in fact he did not even notice the letters in front of his eyes. He just needed a second to get his head straight and focus on the case he was supposed to tell Rachel about. 

“Such a shame we don’t have enough time for antipasti, all of these are delicious - the culatello is to. Die. For.” Rachel praised overjoyed. Mike shrugged weakly and admitted with tired voice, “I have no idea what that even is.” The waiter arrived and took the order - “Agnolotti Piemontesi alla moda di Asti” for Rachel, _fucking hell, she knew her shit!_ and Spaghetti Carbonara for Mike, _he obviously did not and went for a classic…_. - and left again. 

Rachel looked at him curiously “So are you gonna sell me some bullshit about Solar Axis or do you plan on actually telling me what’s really going on?”

Damn, that woman was smart! Somehow, she called all his bluffs, all the casework they had done together had sharpened her senses - even though she still missed the obvious. Mike unconsciously rubbed his sweaty palms together and inhaled deeply, “I guess if I said that I have no idea what you’re talking about, you wouldn’t believe me, would you?”

“I’d feel insulted, Mike,” Rachel pointed out and smiled warmly. “Is it your grandmother?” she sounded genuinely concerned.

“Oh, no, no, not at all, she’s doing great now that she gets the medical attention she needs. It is… I…” he inhaled deeply and thought about the company policy, his future and the latent homophobia he was facing pretty much everywhere he went. _Fuck it. I’ve passed this stage years ago._ “Last night, I broke up with my partner.”

Mike knew that he lacked a poker face, yet it was nothing compared to the absence of Rachel’s - she seemed shell-shocked, “Oh God, Mike, I’m so sorry, I wasn’t aware that you were dating! Was it serious?”

Mike scoffed and rubbed his temples, looking at her painfully “If you call eight years ‘serious’, then yes. Yes, it was serious. I guess it just didn’t work out anymore. It’s not even that we grew apart because honestly: we didn’t. But the relationship changed. It turned more into a brotherly love - at least from my side…” he grimaced and Rachel smiled sympathetically. 

“How did she take it?” his colleague asked warmly and Mike could basically see her instinctively wanting to reach for his hand across the table but something stopped her. Maybe she was scared he might read it the wrong way. If he was honest, he was thankful about it.

Mike was so sick and tired of hiding. Especially now that he had thrown away what used to be a functional relationship until his feelings had decided to betray him, he just wanted to get some rest and talk about it - to someone else than the person he had grown way too fond off over the past months. He sighed and replied faintly, “He was heartbroken…”

Mike could tell the exact moment the penny dropped. Rachel involuntarily gasped and her eyes widened before surprise turned to compassion turned to embarrassment, “You weren’t hitting on me all those times…”

“All those times…?” Mike repeated baffled and briefly nodded towards the waiter when their food arrived. God, he was glad to have something to do with his hands now, this edginess he had long forgotten about was almost too much to bear. When he had started outing himself, he had gotten a proper rush whenever he could finally let go and be himself. The pressure and secrecy that suddenly vanished whenever he had revealed his sexuality and people had been positive about it was something he had not experienced in a long time. Once you are out and you surround yourself with a certain crowd, you just tend to be open about it right from the start. Nevertheless, all of that had ended when he had made that deal with Harvey to pretend he was straight. In this very moment, a long forgotten sensation returned. Mike’s heart was racing and he actually found himself blush slightly.

“Oh my God, you didn’t even notice! I feel like SUCH an idiot. I’m sorry Mike…” Rachel blurted out and Mike gnawed on his bottom lip, shrugging softly, shaking his head. He busied himself forking some pasta and stared at his plate before he glanced up again and replied, “I thought we just worked really well as friends… Apart from that first time when you told me off for hitting on you.”

That was not entirely true, of course he had suspected something, otherwise he could have called her last night when he had no place to go. But to be honest, he hadn’t had any idea that his actions had made Rachel believe that he was leading her on.

“I did that?” Rachel asked incredulously but something about her reaction told Mike that remembered that moment perfectly fine. 

“Yup,” Mike responded with another shrug and smiled at her, “but seriously, don’t worry about it. I should have told you there and then that I’m gay. It’s just that… I had a feeling that Pearson Hardman wouldn’t be too glad to hear that they had hired themselves a fag.” 

Rachel frowned, “Don’t call yourself that…”

“Oh, trust me, that’s one of the nicer words I’ve heard over the years. I usually wouldn’t do this but: Please keep it to yourself. I kinda promised Harvey not to tell anyone.”

“Harvey knows?” Rachel almost squealed now and when Mike revealed, “I’m actually staying at his place for a while,” Rachel definitely hyperventilated. It was only then that he realized how that must have sounded, so he quickly dropped his cutlery and waved it off resolutely, “No, no, no, no, it’s not like that! He offered because I had no place to go, there is no ‘me and Harvey’, if that’s what you’re getting at.”

Rachel smirked and replied cheekily, “Although I kinda like the idea… He is really different around you, you know? He seems to trust you.”

Mike wrinkled his forehead in amusement and felt the need to clarify, “You do know that he is straight, right? Anyway, point is that right now I’m coming out of an eight-year relationship and just broke up with the guy who proposed to me on our ninth anniversary. The last thing I want is even thinking about what could or couldn’t be,” Mike took a sip of his drink. It felt so good to be unguarded for the first time in months. 

“Ouch… I feel sorry for both of you, that must have been so difficult… what I don’t get…” Rachel was waving with her fork, suddenly a lot more open than half an hour ago. Impressive, how easily she switched from ‘potential love interest’ to ‘good friend’ - not that Mike minded but he was not sure he could have pulled it off that swiftly. “...Why on earth would Harvey ask you not to let anyone know you’re gay?”

Mike sighed and waved around, “This restaurant? Conservative… Could you imagine a gay couple openly showing affection in here without being stared at or gossiped about? Pearson Hardman - even worse. Probably not Jessica Pearson, maybe not even Louis Litt but could you imagine Daniel Hardman knowing about my sexuality? He would use it as a weak spot if he needed to. Let’s not forget about all those homophobic douchebags that would find another attorney. I guess - no, I know - Harvey is scared that I could lose us some clients…”

Now Rachel actually did what she had obviously wanted to do before. She reached across the table and squeezed his hand. Mike still felt slightly uneasy about it but at least he knew she wasn’t trying to flirt with him. She shook her head sympathetically and stated, “That sucks. You being you shouldn’t scare anyone away. I feel very honored that you trust me this much and told me despite Harvey’s request. Some of my best friends…”

“...are gay?” now Mike laughed and squeezed her hand in return. She wrinkled her nose quite cutely and replied, “Oh God, that sounded awful, didn’t it? Actually, I wanted to say ‘know someone who’s gay’ - that makes it even worse...”

Mike shrugged, “It kinda does - but don’t worry, I know it comes from you and that you don’t mean to offend me. It’s alright. I’m used to this by now, I just wish I didn’t have to throw everything over board that I’ve campaigned for over the past decade.”

“You’re in the movement?” Rachel asked curiously and Mike nodded, feeling a lot better to talk about something he was actually passionate about. His eyes lit up as he replied, “I’m active in a group called 20Something. It has not been around for that long but was formed by members of The Center who have been actively engaged in politics over the past ten years. I’m proud of having been a founding member and our group, The Center and the entire gay community of NYC played an important part in achieving the Marriage Equality Act. Still we’re only just beginning! If I’m not working - and we both know that hardly ever happens with this firm -, I’m taking pictures for brochures and lecture kids on what the LGBTQ community is all about. I absolutely love it.”

“I can tell,” Rachel finally let go of Mike’s hand and smiled, “I don’t think I’ve seen you this proud of something you’ve done before.”

Mike finished his pasta and pushed his plate aside, “The Center is not about corporate assholes making rich people richer and giving powerful people even more power. It’s about equality. Justice. Doing good.”

“Looks like you’re working for the wrong team, Mike Ross,” Rachel stated the obvious and the associate shrugged. “Campaigning doesn’t pay my grandma’s medical bills, so I’m not complaining about the opportunity. I’m very much opposed to the restrictions coming with it but am willing to play along for now because we need that money.”

“That sounds awful… I hope you don’t drag yourself to work every morning…” she briefly turned around and waved for the waiter to ask for the bill.

“Oh, you know, working with you makes it a lot more bearable,” he flashed her a smile and she pointed at his face, “THAT. THAT right there is exactly what I meant earlier. Do you have any idea what that does to me?” She laughed openly and he could tell that even though she was dying of embarrassment, Rachel was already over it. 

Mike raised both hands apologetically and chuckled softly. This lunch had made him feel so much better than expected. He had an ally here; that was obvious. “You know, if you ever feel like seeing what I do when I’m not doing this… lawyer thing, feel free to accompany me to The Center.”

Rachel tilted her head “I’d really like that! But what if girls think I’m a lesbian and hit on me?”

Mike raised his eyebrows comically. “You mean like this one girl at work that used to think I was straight and was hitting on her?”

She kicked him under the table and threw her napkin into his face, “Not. Funny.”

“VERY funny,” Mike winked back at her and got up, “Come on, let’s go.”

“Alright…” she placed her hand on his shoulder “If you ever feel like a girl’s night out to forget about the breakup…”

Mike interrupted her there and then and turned to face her, “Woah, hold on a second. Let me make this clear: I’m gay, not a girl. I know that many people treat us that way but I really don’t appreciate it. It’s disrespectful to assume that all gays are alright with that.”

Rachel squinted her eyes together and looked at him contritely “Shit, I’m sorry, stereotypes, I guess…”

“I have them, too. Stereotypes, I mean. I’m working on that every single day but being active in the movement makes you realize how different we all are. And that’s just normal, we are all human beings with hopes and fears. With the desire to love and be loved. The LGBTQ community is full of people of all colors and nationalities, all social classes and with all sort of sexual preferences, from vanilla sex to BDSM. There are…” Mike was so wrapped up in his speech that he did not notice that he was preaching to the choir.

The paralegal nudged him and smiled. “You have no idea how different you look when you talk about the work you do. I would love to join you one of the times you meet up with your organization to see what it’s like, learn more about the culture. And if I say something really stupid or clichéd, please shut me up.”

As they left the restaurant, Mike looked around to see if the coast was clear. When he had convinced himself that that was the case, he replied, “As long as you don’t ask anyone at The Center who’s top and who’s bottom in the relationship or exclaim that someone ‘doesn’t look gay’ or is ‘oh so cute because he’s so camp’, you should be fine.”

Rachel almost looked offended now, “What do you think of me?”

“Just the best - otherwise we would not be having this conversation.” Mike briefly hugged her, which took her completely by surprise. He had needed that right now. When he thanked her there and then for being so great about it, he was pretty sure that she had no idea what kind of lifesaver this lunch break had been. 

_So. Back to the straight world. Pearson Hardman, here we come._


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the fast beta, Dee!!! You're a star! xxx

It had only taken Mike one week to find a place in Brooklyn - Harvey had not been lying, this real estate agent knew his shit. Of course this new apartment was not as nice and cozy as the one he had shared with Brendan - granted with two incomes and a lot more time to go hunting - let alone the posh condo that he had occupied over the last week. But it was a start. 

The bathroom probably needed a bit of renovation work but from the way it was built, Mike’s new place seemed bigger than it actually was. The ground plan was perfect: There was a separate corner that would store his bed - as soon as he would own one - so it wasn’t in plain sight from the entrance. Basically, it was almost like a second room without taking up too much space. That was definitely a plus. 

When Mike wandered around his new domicile, he could not help but notice the echo of his own footsteps against the wooden floor. Every movement reminded him of the absence of the most basic things. He did not exactly own much. Not only their bed had stayed with Brendan but also their couch - he pretty much needed to start from scratch. At least the kitchen seemed to be functioning fully, he noticed when he opened the door to the fridge to take out a beer and sit down on the case containing his books. 

A new beginning.

Harvey would have easily let him stay with him for another couple of days or weeks but Mike had not wanted to put his friend’s patience to the test by wearing out his welcome. Since he hadn’t had a room to himself, Mike constantly worried that he could be in Harvey’s hair, especially because their arrangement meant that they more or less saw each other 24/7 and he was scared that his boss would be sick of him rather soon. He would have hated to be sent back to his cubicle because Harvey was tired of seeing his stupid face around. That never happened but with everything that was happening in Mike’s life these days, he did not want to risk fucking things up at the office as well. 

As a result, Mike had kept himself busy at work and returned to the condo late, just to change and fall asleep straight away. Not only was he worried of getting on his boss’ nerves, he also did not want to interfere with his private life. What if Harvey wanted to bring some lady home from a bar? 

Harvey appreciated the consideration - at least as far as Mike could tell. He was nothing but nice to him, asked him about his progress concerning the apartment seek during their by now ritual morning coffee (Harvey in his three-piece suit and Mike wearing the grey shirt and black sweatpants he slept in) before his friend would take off as soon as his driver Ray appeared. Mike then would quickly get changed, brush his teeth and jump on his bike. Both of them had ruled out going to work together very quickly because they did not want to fire up the rumor mill. Everyone knew that they were a tight unit and spent hours together in that corner office but they were still boss and employee and Mike did not want anyone to believe that he had only gotten the job because he was friends (or even more) with Harvey Specter. Nobody would believe him if he said that they had just hit it off like a house on fire from day one. Gossip was the last thing Mike wanted right now; he had enough shit to deal with already. 

Now their shared apartment was history anyway. He had his own four walls again and Harvey could hook up with whoever he liked without fearing that his idiotic associate might be lying on his couch and killing the vibes. It was Saturday night; he was most likely chatting some beauty up right now with that lady-killer smile. Mike grinned to himself, God, he was a hopeless case. This pining needed to stop! Well, it would be easier now that he wasn’t constantly surrounded by his handsome boss. This was bordering obsession!

The bell rang. Possibly a neighbor, nobody knew about his new place yet. Mike hoped that whoever was standing there was not asking to borrow anything because he definitely could not help them out. He got up from the box and put the bottle of beer on the floor before he went and opened the door. 

Speaking of the devil… Harvey leant against the wall in a white shirt and a black cardigan and grinned at him cheekily. Mike-killer! The associate took a deep breath and tried to get his heart under control that could not decide between racing and somersaulting, so it had decided to do a bit of both. 

“Miss me already? I’ve moved out…” Mike looked at his watch, “...five hours ago.” This little hopeful voice inside of him started reading into this visit but the rational part of his brain shut it up as well as it could. 

“I just had to make sure that the real estate agent didn’t rip you off. I recommended him to you, I’m here to check the result…” Harvey grinned and took a step into the apartment. 

Mike rubbed the back of his neck a little self-consciously, “This place is far from being done…” He turned around and let his boss follow him. Somehow seeing Harvey here made the apartment seem even smaller and he was suddenly acutely aware of all the downsides - for some reason he wanted to impress him. 

Harvey raised the flat parcel he was holding in his right hand, “Got you something, rookie. Housewarming gift.” He casually handed it over while he took in his surroundings. Mike blinked in surprise as he accepted the present.   
What was this?   
A mirror?   
He hastily fumbled with the brown paper (patience might be a virtue but Mike had never felt especially virtuous in that regard) and pulled out a picture of the San Francisco federal building. The blue sky dominated a huge portion of the image but the thing that immediately caught Mike’s eye, was the reflection of the glass window on the concrete wall. He would recognize this out of hundreds. 

Mike gasped softly. “The Eddy Joaquim! That’s too much, I can’t accept that…” he extended his arm to return the framed picture but Harvey resolutely shook his head “Don’t insult me, Mike. Take it. Put it up… there,” he pointed at an empty spot on the wall between door and sleep corner. Mike shook his head incredulously, “That’s insane, Harv….” he exclaimed.

Harvey chuckled amused, “You call me ‘Harv’ one more time and I might actually change my mind.”

Mike felt the heat in his face, for a second he had forgotten that he was talking to his boss. He very carefully put the frame down and leaned it against the wall that Harvey had considered suitable, “Come on, you secretly love it, HARV.” He winked and stressed the name to piss him off even more. “Beer?” He asked and did not wait for the reply but fetched one from the fridge.

They both sat down on the floor - Mike only had one box that he considered stable enough to hold their weight - leaned against the wall opposite the Eddy Joaquim looked at it from this distance. Mike opened his beer and marveled on it, “It’s beautiful. Do you know what’s the best part about it? The composition of light and darkness. When the sun goes down at the office, there is a corner close to the library that has shadows like that. Mesmerizing. Absolutely stunning. Every time I pass it, I fight the urge to take a picture.”

“We pay you to think of our cases, not photo composition,” Harvey replied with a broad smile - one of those he never showed at the office. 

“My genius mind can do both - and order a pizza at the same time,” Mike came back and tilted his head, “Speaking of which…”

“Pizza sounds great,” Harvey finished his train of thoughts, “Mushrooms for me.”

Mike eyed him up and asked incredulously, “Mushrooms? I would have taken you for the pepperoni kinda guy…”

“Oh yeah, why is that?” Harvey challenged him and turned to face him while drinking his beer. He looked absolutely stellar. His hair was not gelled back, Mike noticed. It gave him a much laid-back touch and Mike really liked it.

Mike swallowed down the ‘Because you’re hot’ remark that was sitting on the tip of his tongue but went for “It’s more daring, more straightforward, more aggressive than boring old mushrooms…”

Harvey laughed. “I feel flattered that you think that highly of me but don’t you insult my mushrooms. They are classy, reliable and highly underestimated.”

“Whatever you say, man!” Mike shook his head and mumbled another “Whatever you say…” before he took out his phone and placed the order. 

“So, black olive man, what do you plan on doing about the stuff you still need to collect from Brendan’s place? Do you need a van? We have this company that usually delivers our files from the firm to court; they’d probably make a good offer if I called them up…” Harvey wanted to get straight to business and reached for his phone but Mike put his hand on his arm and shook his head, “I don’t own more stuff. This _is_ my stuff.”

Harvey looked surprised, “No couch, no TV, no table? Bed? Anything?”

“What I own is in these boxes. We bought a lot of stuff together… And I don’t intend on making Brendan pay me for it, if that’s what you’d suggest next because I feel like it’s not my right to call the shots. I broke up. He should have it all. It’s fine… I’ll just go ahead and buy stuff gradually,” Mike explained and looked around his place. It would most likely stay pretty empty for a while.

“I recall that you spend all your money on your grandma’s care. How do you plan on doing this?” Harvey inquired, he sounded a little worried. Mike shrugged, “I don’t know. Ebay? We’ll see…”

Harvey sighed and shook his head, “You know, just because you broke up it doesn’t mean that you’re not entitled to get some of the things you purchased together…”

“I know. But this is how I want it. End of discussion,” Mike replied determinedly. Harvey raised both hands apologetically as if he wanted to say that it’s not of his business anyway. After a moment of silence, Harvey felt the desire to point out “You’re a good guy, Mike.”

“I don’t feel too good about everything I’ve done recently,” Mike sighed softly and ran a hand through his hair thoughtfully. 

“Hey, people break up. You did not end it out of spite or for the wrong reasons. You were just honest. It’s all still fresh but eventually both of you will see that it was the right thing to do. Give it some time,” Harvey responded and Mike could not possibly come up with any reason why he shouldn’t confide in this man next to him. The fact that he was his boss, the fact that people were in awe of him? It didn’t matter. They had a connection and whatever it was, Mike was grateful for it. He smiled and muttered, “Thank you…” before taking another sip of his drink.

“Are you seeing anyone at the moment?” Mike dared to ask. It was only fair, right? This was not supposed to be a one-sided thing and he really wanted to know something about the man who was being so nice to him for no apparent reason. 

“Not really… There have been affairs here and there, nothing serious. The last one I cared about was Zoe. We met through the firm but things didn’t work out the way we both wanted them to, it got messy. So. I guess I’m married to my job,” he shrugged and looked at Mike, pretending not to care but Mike could tell that there were a bunch of unresolved issues by the way he was looking at him now. He wasn’t indifferent. But it wasn’t Mike’s place to be nosy, so he let it go. Maybe one day Harvey trusted him enough to talk about these kind of things. 

“Married to Jessica Pearson, I see,” Mike smirked and burst out laughing when he saw Harvey’s incredulous reaction, “You should see your face!” He pointed at him and got to his feet when the pizza arrived. 

“Saved by the bell,” Harvey remarked and went to fetch new beer while Mike paid for the pizzas. They both sat down cross-legged in the middle of the living room and started eating with their bare hands - Mike really needed to go shopping soon, at least for basics like cutlery! 

While eating, they talked about Harvey’s family. Mike finally asked him about his father, something he had wanted to do ever since he let that opportunity pass last week. Harvey seemed like such a different person when he shared his memories. Gordon had been important to him; that was obvious. He had admired him, looked up to him and been very close. When it came to his mother or the brother that he briefly mentioned, there seemed to be grief and anger involved, which was probably why he moved back to his father at the first possible occasion. When Harvey told Mike that his dad had passed away and the younger man offered his condolences, Harvey had shaken his head and replied, “You know, I’ve had… issues with my family. We weren’t very close for a long time. The only person I still talked to was my dad. But all of that seems so petty compared to your story…”

Mike shook his head seriously, “I don’t want any pity for being an orphan. My grandmother is the best. She’s a legend! Whenever I can, I go to visit her. I wasn’t on my own. And I understand that some people have issues telling me about family fights. They think it’s insensitive because I don’t have the chance to fight with my parents anymore. But it hurts me more when friends rather keep me in the dark and shut me out to save me from feeling down…”

Harvey listened closely as he ate his pizza and was very thoughtful for a moment. His eyes seemed darker - he was obviously thinking of his family, “I guess I should call them some time. My mother and my brother. I still got the chance…”

Mike nodded calmly, “I didn’t tell my parents I loved them. Before they left that night. We had a fight and they wanted to hug me goodbye but I was sulking. I’ll never forgive myself for that.”

Harvey looked up and stared right into Mike’s eyes now, “Mike…”

“I know it’s not my fault. Up here,” he pointed at his temple, “I know exactly that it’s not my fault. But in here…” he placed the palm of his hand on his chest, “I don’t. And I don’t think that will change. But it’s okay, I’ve come to terms with it…”

“Shit…” Harvey simply replied and shook his head, unsure what to say. 

They munched their pizza in silence for a moment and Mike was lost in his memories until Harvey nodded to encourage him to talk about what was going on in his head right now. Mike had no idea why but he found himself revealing, “You know. I was raised in a Catholic environment, Catholic school and all, the whole deal, with a priest looking out for me, confession and all. At one point, we talked about deadly sins and what could happen if you disregarded God’s word and everything… We read some of these notorious passages in the bible. One of them was Leviticus 20:13. _If a man also lie with mankind, as he lieth with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination: they shall surely be put to death; their blood shall be upon them._...” Mike’s voice suddenly turned raspy and unstable, “I began to think. What if God hadn’t punished me with my own death but with that of my parents…”

Mike gnawed on his lip and stared straight into Harvey’s eyes. He had never told anyone that story. Not his grandmother, not Trevor, not Brendan. Instead, he had buried it deep inside and hoped that one day his brain would be kind enough to make him forget. Something that of course had not happened.

Harvey put his hand on Mike’s shoulder. It was his version of a hug, Mike recognized and smiled thankfully. Harvey gave him one of those serious looks that chilled every single bone in his body and said gently, “Trust me, I’ve known you for a while now and you are a good kid. If you believe in something like that. God or any greater force that we can’t name… you can rest assured that they would not punish you for loving someone else. I don’t believe in much but that I’m absolutely certain about. Losing your parents had nothing, absolutely, undoubtedly nothing to do with your sexual orientation. It was a tragic accident. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, of course I do,” Mike replied but his voice revealed his true emotions. He had thought about it so much over all these years. Even though part of him knew that this was bullshit, his guts had still told him that he was possibly to blame for what had happened and even as he grew older, stopped believing in God and the Catholic Church, a scar had always remained. Sometimes, the wound got ripped open again but he did his best fighting the voices in his head.

Harvey did not seem convinced but he smiled at him warmly, “Let me tell you a secret…” he leant in closer and almost whispered “I admire your strength. I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone with your kind of background story who hasn’t turned entirely bitter or given up. Still you’re always getting up again, no matter how often life is trying to knock you out. You remind me of a younger version of myself… Just with a bigger heart.”

“For a second I thought you’d say ‘bigger dick’,” Mike chuckled and finished his pizza. He closed the lit and put the box aside, trying not to let on how vulnerable and exposed he felt right now. Thankfully, Harvey played along. He pushed his own box aside and tilted his head, “We’re a team, rookie - and partners should never lie to each other…”

“You’re right,” Mike replied and added almost thoughtfully, “You are the bigger dick…”

“That’s not what I said! You really _are_ Wolverine,” Harvey countered quickly, making Mike’s heart beat a little faster (again!). He had always kinda shipped those two X-Men… Did Harvey even know what ‘shipping’ was? What ‘slash’ meant? Fan culture that made every gay boy happy because it provided some homosexual storylines that mainstream culture so often lacked? 

Mike smirked and rather went for the obvious comeback “That, by default, makes you Cyclops, the - I quote _‘Boy Scout, the guy who wanted to do things by the book that would totally narc on the kids slipping away from the school dance to go boozing and fornicating. Wolverine, on the other hand, was more of the badass, the guy willing to go to some often unpleasant extremes to get the job done and one that would totally beat the ever-loving bejebus out of that narc while polishing off a bottle of JD and getting some chick’s number.’_ ” 

“What the hell did you just cite there?” Harvey asked amused and Mike shrugged “Some fan page I read a couple of months back.” 

“Well, obviously your Wolverine wouldn’t be getting some chick’s number,” Harvey replied drily and finished his beer.

“Oh, he would accept it to be polite but he’d probably not call back. Maybe he’d hand it to Cyclops. You know, since he’d possibly need it.”

“Last time I checked, Cyclops had no problems in that field,” Harvey replied, suddenly seeming not sure anymore if he was still up to date with all this X-Men stuff.

“Well, in _my_ world, he hit it off with _Wolverine_ ,” Mike raised his eyebrows and smirked at Harvey, basically just to wind him up but his boss wasn’t nearly as uneasy as he would have imagined. 

Maybe this was wishful thinking but… Harvey seemed to actually… enjoy it?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To be honest, I have no idea about Wolverine, the bit that Mike cited there comes from [this](http://www.forcesofgeek.com/2011/07/true-bromance-tale-of-cyclops-and.html) page. It was just one of those cases where you need a quote that fits your story and suddenly there is something else you can use, so if you're into that fandom, I hope the last bit works.
> 
> [This](http://media.virbcdn.com/cdn_images/resize_1024x1024/37/PageImage-482761-1707170-Lsanfrancisco_federalbuildingentry.jpg) is Eddy Joaquim's picture.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was beta'd by Dee, I'm as grateful as ever! And I would like to dedicate this one to Loyalty2WayStreet because she is the one that inspired me by reminding me of the campaign described in this chapter.

The first few days and months had been hard. Even though Mike still recognized that the breakup had been a good decision, it had been the everyday things he had missed an awful lot. Sharing your thoughts, talking about the day, cooking together, spending time with friends - all these tiny moments that made a relationship work. Moreover, more than anything, he missed the friend that knew him inside out. Someone he would usually call when he saw something funny or heard a silly joke. 

Sometimes he had automatically reached for his phone to call Brendan and tell him about something he had just encountered just to remember that that was not appropriate anymore. That was the saddest part about it. What he would have given to keep Brendan as a roommate! But they both had known that it would have been a bad idea, so far his ex refused to talk to him because he said they could not be friends. And even though that stung, Mike understood. Had it been the other way around and someone he still had feelings for would have broken up with him, he would have been just as inconsolable. 

Worse than having to break the news to his friends had been the conversation with his grandmother. She had always loved Brendan like her own grandson and the disappointment in her eyes had shattered his heart to pieces. Their first Christmas with just the two of them had been pretty quiet. None of them had dared to bring up the subject of what Brendan would possibly be doing now. Mike had invited Grammy to a lovely restaurant and they had mostly chatted about his work. She loved Harvey and Rachel, was intrigued by Donna’s knowledge, talked highly about Jessica (even though Mike was still terrified of his boss sometimes but his grandmother loved women who kicked ass!) and laughed about Louis. 

“...and you’re sure that Harvey isn’t interested in you?” she had asked curiously after Mike had told her about their latest case.

Mike had almost choked on his drink and shaken his head, “Maybe I make him sound like he might be because… I’d want that to be true?!”

“Michael,” she had smiled knowingly, “Be careful, your heart is still vulnerable. Make sure you don’t blindly fall into something new because it’s an escape from the relationship that just ended.”

Of course, Grammy had been right. She was always right! He didn’t know what he would do without her in his life and the knowledge that she was gradually getting weaker scared the shit out of him. That woman had put her entire existence on hold for him and sacrificed so much to make sure he was happy. For the longest time, he had not appreciated all the work she had put into raising him and hell, he knew he had not always made things easy for her, especially in those rebellious teenage years. 

Mike had taken on the advice and tried to make sure not to project any false hopes and feelings into this man who constantly managed to sweep him off his feet without even knowing but who was he kidding? Harvey was right, he did indeed carry his heart on his sleeve and got way too invested in everything and everyone he cared about. How would he possibly get out of this one without being crushed? His head knew that they would never be more than friends but somehow the rest of him could not care less and that was irritating. 

Harvey also made it so goddamn difficult for him to keep an emotional distance with all these things he constantly did for him! When Mike had adamantly refused to accept the couch and the TV that his boss had miraculously ‘found’ in his basement and announced that he’d get something off Ebay, both items had suddenly appeared on that platform and Harvey had simply sent him the links saying, “I saw something online that might fit into your apartment.”

New Year’s, he had bombarded Mike with work and made sure both of them were at the office pretty much all night going through files that could have easily waited another week because nobody was expecting answers that day anyway. They had gone through files until about 11 pm, then eaten their ordered takeaway and shared one, two, three glasses of scotch the celebrate the beginning of 2012. Mike valued the sacrifice. Harvey surely had better things to do than sitting there with Mike, aware of the fact that Mike had nowhere to go while his ex-boyfriend was playing a gig that both Craig and Jared attended but he never even mentioned it... 

Those had just been two occasions out of many that had proven that Harvey acted very differently towards him than he did around anyone else. Not the type-A aggressive know-it-all who was so full of himself that he failed to see everyone else’s needs. The best closer in the city who would do almost anything to win. When it came to Mike was a case of night and day, Harvey cared about him - no matter how often he played it down with a silly banter and despite all those tiny disagreements they had when it came to work because of their divergent approach to practicing law. Mike trusted him. With his life. He knew that he could always, always count on him and he just hoped that Harvey knew that he would also have his back, should he ever need him.

Right now, Mike was on his way to a rally against racism, bullying, religious intolerance, sexism, homophobia, ableism or any other form of discrimination. It was not strictly LGBTQ even though the guys and girls from The Center had organized it but strictly speaking, he was not disregarding Harvey’s wish for him to stay further in the background. 20Something had decided to march in similar white shirts that all shared the sentence “I won't stand for…” and his own was completed with “intolerance”. It was the first time he had decided to march again and the April sun was surprisingly kind to them. They didn’t have to wear jackets over their shirts and Mike was pleased that it enhanced the chance of their message coming across. 

Craig waited outside his apartment building for him, his shirt sported that he would not tolerate homophobia. Not even one year ago, that would have been his and he swallowed down the lump in his throat he felt when he realized just how much his job had affected his life. However, he would not let it dictate everything he stood for. Campaigning was important and he was not willed to give that up for good. 

“Hey, Mikey,” Craig waved and hugged him, “Jared’s already at The Center, he went straight from work. Speaking of which: You need more sunlight. That Harvey Specter should give you some time off. He’s riding you real hard.”

Mike warned him, “I know what you’re thinking - don’t even go there…”

Craig chuckled and they headed for the subway to Greenwich Village. He missed his friends. Even though he had started to really love his job - yes, they were still on the wrong side more often than he would have liked but he still had a feeling that they could do some good - he longed for his own peers. For his group of people that allowed him to be himself without hiding.

On the metro, they were downright stared at by a middle-aged businessman in suit and tie who held onto the handles of a buggy with a baby. The guy was obviously offended by their sheer existence. Craig could not help but wind him up by running his hand down Mike’s spine and resting it on his ass. He was one of these people that stood out as gay even when they were not wearing any kind of special shirt to fight homophobia. You just knew. Mike tilted his head and bashed his eyelids “Darling, not in public, we’re almost home…” The petty bourgeois shook his head in disgust and turned away. 

When they arrived in Greenwich Village and left the subway station, feeling pumped about the march and chatting animatedly, there was a loud “Hey!” behind them. Both men chose to ignore it because they had had their share of arguments in the past and it really never was worth it. At the next traffic light, however, the man with the buggy had caught up with them. He sneered at them as if they were filthy insects that needed to be crushed but the words that came out of his mouth were, “You got me wrong. I really don't have an issue with faggots.”

Craig’s mouth dropped open but he changed his mind and let it go. Mike, on the other hand, had enough. All those emotions that he had bottled up for almost a year now bubbled right under the surface and were ready to forcefully break out, “I'm sorry… sorry, what?” 

“I said I don't have an issue with donut punchers,” the man replied matter-of-factly, completely careless that his child was listening in on this conversation. What a great role model…

“Yeah, I… I heard… I'm not…” Mike started to stammer before he took a deep breath and exclaimed, “That is so offensive!” He was ready to start a well-deserved fight now.

“Honestly, if you wanna cram your sausage in the doo doo tube, that's up to you,” the idiot shrugged. 

The traffic light had jumped to ‘walk’ by now but Mike was determined to talk this through. No more hiding! 

“It's 2012, you really can't say shit like that,” he pointed out angrily. Why was he still surprised to be talked to that way? Craig put his hand on Mike’s arm and said calmly “Let’s go, the rally is about to start…” But Mike wasn’t really listening. He also did not notice that more people had gathered around them because they had both raised their voices and were basically shouting now. 

“Oh my God, lighten up Bruce Jenner,” the man sighed dramatically. 

Mike swallowed and squinted his eyes together, “Caitlyn Jenner, who is transgender…”

“Same thing.”

“Not the same thing.”

Craig pulled on Mike’s arm now and muttered out of the idiot’s earshot, “Come on, Mike, I don’t want this to escalate even further, let’s go, Jared is waiting…”

In that moment, the small boy who was probably around two years old, looked up at his father and asked audibly upset, “Daddy?”

The asshole of a father completely disregarded his child and spat in Mike’s general direction “You hear that? Daddy! My child! My seed! My boy!”

The adrenaline rushed through Mike’s body now; he was ready to jump the man in front of him but was pulled back by four arms. Two belonged to Craig, the other two to - Harvey? What the hell? He was still struggling but slowly let go.

“Well, congratulations,” Harvey drily replied to the comment the guy had made. He kept Mike in check.

“Could you do this?” the dude asked obviously amused and pointed at his kid.

“Yeah, pretty sure that given the opportunity, I could do that…” Mike fumed but he stopped working against the two men that just had his best interest at heart. He stared at the man resentfully and scoffed.

“No, no, I don't think you could.”

“Okay. That’s enough!” Harvey cut him off and turned Mike around in his grasp. “And we are leaving now, in that direction, Mike!” He pushed Mike further away from trouble and Craig gladly did the same. 

“Your kid would end up retarded!!!” was the last thing they heard before they walked around the block and out of sight. Mike was still furious. He clenched his hands into fists, sweated and gritted his teeth painfully.

“He would have deserved it,” Mike muttered angrily. 

“Would you have beaten him to a pulp in front of his kid?” Harvey asked and still held onto his shoulder to make sure he would not just dash right back.

“His kid will turn into a homophobic asshole just like his dad…” Mike muttered defiantly.

“Take a deep breath, Mikey…” Craig commanded now before he looked at Harvey, “And… who the hell are you?”

Harvey nodded in his direction and replied a little more calmly now “Harvey Specter. A friend.”

Mike relaxed a little at the “friend” and rubbed his face while Craig introduced himself in return, thankfully without saying that he had ‘heard an awful lot about him’. God, he needed to keep his act together. They were all about peaceful protest; fistfights were not helpful. He looked at Craig slightly ashamed and apologized, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t let these people get under my skin as much as I do…” Then he looked at Harvey and winked, slowly morphing back into Mike Ross, peaceful gay activist, “What the hell were you even doing here? If you wanna protest, you’re lacking the shirt…” 

“I was just on my way to my gallerist who happens to be just down the street when I saw this troublemaker working himself up and thought I’d stop him…” Harvey countered. Mike could tell that he was worried about him. The older man let go of him and asked, “You’re okay, kid?” 

Mike nodded and inhaled deeply, feeling embarrassed that Harvey had witnessed him losing his cool in front of a jerk, “I usually just ignore these bastards…”

“...so that happens a lot?” Harvey enquired and Mike shrugged, “I’ve lost count… Anyways… we should get going, I don’t want us to be late.” He pointed at his shirt and Harvey offered, “Why don’t you tell me about it later on?”

“You sure you don’t have any plans on a Saturday night?” Mike asked incredulously and Harvey put his hands in his pockets and tilted his head, flashing that one particular smile at him that would one day be his downfall, “Nothing I couldn’t reschedule…” 

“Okay…” Mike’s anger had completely subsided now and he waved briefly at him, “I’ll see you tonight then.”

When they both left in opposite directions, Craig grinned knowingly to himself until they were definitely in a safe enough distance to say something, “So. The infamous Harvey Specter…”

Mike smirked back at him before he chuckled gleefully “Shut up.”

“Who just happened to be in the neighborhood,” Craig continued and poked him gently. 

“Well, his gallerist is down the street…”

“His gallerist…” 

“He’s my boss.”

“He introduced himself as your friend.”

“He’s out of my league,” Mike sighed and rubbed his face, unable to wipe that wide, happy grin off his face, “Oh God help me, what am I even thinking?”

“He just cleared his evening to see you,” Craig pointed out and wrapped his arm around his friend, “Mikey, I think he’s into you.”

“Shut. Up!” Mike repeated and shook his head vehemently, “Not happening. Not. Happening.”

Craig laughed now and let it go, very obviously believing that it very much could happen. When they met Jared, his boyfriend jumped up and down “I met Harvey Specter. He is gorgeous and he is totally, to-tal-ly into Mikey!” 

Jared kissed him and wanted to hear all the details - Mike had to admit that Craig was very cute when he got this excited about something, someone as down to earth as good old Jared would never ask him to shut up but watch and be enchanted by it. Still the way Craig talked about it left Mike somewhat embarrassed. He shook his head but at the same time was very glad to still have such good friends in his life. Things could have gone differently after the breakup. Mike briefly drifted off until Craig said “...and they have a date tonight…”

Jared raised his eyebrows “Ohooo, way to go, Mikey!”

“It’s not a date.”

“It so is a date,” Craig countered and poked Mike teasingly. In that moment, some people from their fellow 20Something camp walked up to them to talk about the strategy for the rally. In a way, Mike felt as if he was let off the hook - for now. There would definitely be interrogations about tonight. Oh most certainly so. 

But all of that would have to wait. They were on a mission. There was a discussion amongst the group if they wanted to form a loud or a quiet protest and eventually decided for the latter because in this case, the shirts transmitted the message. They formed a huge square and all stared into the distance, one by one, in silence, forcing passersby to acknowledge them. 

While they were standing in line, Mike could not shut his brain up about tonight. Was it a date? Was Craig right? He wasn’t, was he? Harvey possibly just wanted to hear about the events to make sure that Mike had not been filmed. That had to be it, right? All for the company’s sake. _Straight. Harvey is straight. Don’t forget about that. Ever. Your friends live in a homosexual world. That’s different. You’re like a brother to Harvey. Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The conversation in the street pretty much happened exactly the way it did in this story on Patrick's latest web series [Pillow Talk](https://video.vice.com/en_us/video/blackpills-pillowtalk-patrick-j-adams-yogurt/58b9c3ef2cb34cd82dad9c2f), that one was actually what made me want to write this in the first place. Sorry, that video is geoblocked, you need a VPN around it if you're not in the States.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, if any of you feels like beta'ing this monster of a story, leave me a message! My two gorgeous beta girls have extremely busy lives at the moment and I don't wanna put more pressure on them by leaving a 50k story in their inboxes. This is a chapter I didn't have a beta for, so if you find anything, I'd appreciate if you could let me know. Thanks darlings!!!

Standing in the elevator to Harvey’s condo, Mike wished Craig and Jared had not acted as if this was a date. It didn’t feel like one - well, at least not more than any of the other times they had met outside their work to have a drink or two, watch a movie or two or listen to a record or two. He had not found the time to go home and get changed because after standing in that square for about an hour, they had gathered at The Center to talk about strategies for their next campaign and before he had known it, night had fallen and Craig had nudged him to finally leave and see Harvey.

Now his heart was beating rapidly in his chest and for the umpteenth time Mike was wondering if this was a smart idea. But it was too late. No way back now. When Harvey opened the door and smiled openly, he almost couldn’t cope. Craig was right, if he did not know it any better…  
But he did.  
He knew better.  
Harvey Specter was straight. Had always been straight. Would always be straight.  
He just had to repeat it over and over in his head like a mantra to remind himself of the truth.

“Hey, Sean Penn, how did the rally go?” Harvey welcomed him and waited for Mike to step inside before he closed the door behind him, “Met any more jerks?”

Mike turned and looked at Harvey, rolling his eyes, “Very funny. “ Immediately, everything fell into place and the nerves were replaced by excitement. He just enjoyed Harvey’s company way too much to let his friends get under his skin.

Harvey poured him a drink and sat down on the chair, waiting for Mike to take a seat as well before he tilted his head slightly in the typical Harvey Specter way and admitted thoughtfully, “To be honest, that scene was a bit of an eye-opener.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it, like I said… it happens. People are dicks, it’s just the way it is. I won’t ever get their motive… I mean, does it do them any harm whether I date men? They shouldn’t care less, right? But that’s why it’s even more important to be out there. Be present. Show the world that we exist. Instead of hiding.”

Harvey thought about that for a moment before he replied pensively, “It’s one thing to know that homophobia exists but when things get personal and people you care about are subject to that kind of bullying, it puts things into perspective. Your activism for example. I have to admit that I never quite got the need for it until today. And here I am, asking you to keep things low and hide your sexuality at work. You spend so many hours a day at the firm and the way you always have to dance around the subject makes me uneasy.”

Mike first raised his eyebrows and then his glass, “A toast! The great Harvey Specter feels uneasy!”

Harvey humored Mike before he took a sip of his drink and let the liquor run over his tongue while he was momentarily lost in his thoughts. Mike really enjoyed these moments of silence; they always reminded him of how comfortable they were around one another. Sometimes, they worked for hours without saying a thing and that was okay. Even more than that. It was good.

“Have you ever regretted coming out?” Harvey broke their silence. He was so pensive today, Mike noticed. Something about that fight he had witnessed must have triggered him.

“No,” Mike resolutely shook his head, “I knew it wouldn’t be easy. In fact, I wasn’t surprised by how hard it could be at times. All those nasty looks and remarks and crushed hopes. - But it’s not as if it was my choice. I did not choose to be gay. I did not choose to be a minority. I am proud of who I am and if people aren’t okay with that, it’s their bad.”

Harvey nodded gravely, a dark cloud hovering over his head and Mike was touched by the compassion. He swirled the liquid in his glass before he met his gaze again, “It’s okay. Harvey. Let it go. What happened today. It’s not worth it…”

“I can’t let it go,” Harvey admitted and leant forward, “I care about you. And I know that he hurt you, if it hadn’t been for the kid, I would have let you hit him.”

Mike shrugged, “Yes, he hurt me. But I’ve grown a pretty thick skin by now. And violence is not the answer, it only makes things worse. Homophobia motivates me to try harder. Support The Center. Teach kids about equality. So that nobody has to be scared coming out anymore. We can get married now, we can have kids. That is so much more than I would have dreamt of. I will rub it in all their stupid faces that we’re here and we’re not going anywhere, so they better get used to men kissing or holding hands.”

Mike had gotten a little carried away again - the way he always did when he talked about his political work. Harvey did not seem to mind; he asked questions and had not told him off for wearing that shirt today, for standing up for his group, for coming to his condo still wearing it. He had understood that Mike’s activism was important. That was the positive outcome of a shitty situation.

Harvey put his glass down and folded his hands. Something about him was beginning to worry Mike. He had not seen him off his game like this and it was so unlike him to show weakness. He tried to put Harvey out of his misery by prompting, “What is it? Since when have I rendered the great Harvey Specter speechless?”

Harvey snorted softly and shook his head, “Oh, more often than you think, Mike.”

That ‘Mike’ gave him goosebumps. Mike shivered softly, unbelieving he had just heard this with his own ears. Was he dreaming? Was this happening?

“Harvey, I’m serious, you can tell me anything or ask whatever you want...“ Mike also put his glass aside and leant forward, mirroring Harvey’s movements.

Harvey started laughing insecurely now and rose from his chair. He walked up to the window and looked outside before he took a long, deep breath, “Jesus, I didn’t think it’d be this difficult…” Mike could see in the reflection that Harvey had closed his eyes. He seemed to be fighting with himself, debating with an invisible force if he should actually continue now and Mike felt a little sick with nerves, “Your campaigns… The fact that you’re so open about yourself… Seeing you with your friend wearing those shirts today… Watching you stand up for yourself in front of strangers… I feel like such a coward. You have no idea, rookie…”

Harvey had not used that term in a really long time and the way he said it now, endearing and gentle, made Mike feel hot and cold. He got up, followed Harvey’s example, and thereby closed the gap between them until they were standing side by side and staring outside. He could tell that Harvey needed to look anywhere but in his direction to remain focused.

“Why are you so thoughtful today, Harvey?” Mike asked very carefully, his voice was warm and friendly.

“Because you shouldn’t have to fight or hide. Because _I_ should not have to fight. Or hide,” Harvey’s hand was trembling now and he briefly touched the glass window while he collected his thoughts. He turned a little and looked at Mike, “All my life I’ve decided to ignore this… part of me. This… side that felt that maybe I liked men, too. But then… you came and turned it all upside down. And not just because you actually fought the fight out on the street.”

“Wait a second…” the words had tumbled out of Mike’s mouth before he had wanted them to. Harvey had just come out to him, hadn’t he? And not just that… “Are you saying…”

Harvey shook his head at his own insecurity and admitted with a shy grin, “You’re making me weak, rookie. I don’t recognize myself. This?” he pointed at himself, “I haven’t been like this since I was a teenager. Christ, I’m acting like a fucking moron.”

Mike grinned so widely that he feared his face would split in two, this side of Harvey was the most endearing, most adorable thing he had ever seen, everything inside of him wanted to scream ‘YES!’ even though a tiny voice asked if they could actually let this happen. Harvey was his boss, there had to be rules against this - on top of the whole sexuality issue at Pearson Hardman. Moreover, Harvey was new to all of this, some people freaked and Mike had seen Harvey lose his shit and lash out at everyone around him. He could deal with it as a friend but if they tried it, he was not sure his heart would survive it…

“Say something,” Harvey demanded. He looked at him with vulnerable eyes but tried to mask it with a trademark smirk. It was written all over his face how relieved he was that he had finally done it.

“It’s a big step, Harvey…” Mike swallowed and turned to face the man completely.

“You don’t need to tell me… Do you have any idea what this feels like just now?” The cloud was gone; all disguises were gone and in front of Mike basically stood a naked man. He felt so honored but so scared to fuck this up for both of them.

“Kinda…” Mike smiled and briefly ran the back of his hand along Harvey’s arm, “It feels like smoking a good joint, doesn’t it? The relief of finally coming out, it makes you high…” 

Harvey nodded and took a step closer, encouraging Mike not to take his hand away. He admitted quietly, “But I forgot what it feels like to not be an expert at something…” He laughed melodically at his own words because it sounded so silly before he added, “It’s like starting all over again. I’ve never even watched gay porn!”

Mike gasped and raised his eyebrows, “Okay. Then we have an awful lot of catching up to do… How about we start with the 1.01?” Maybe this was the wrong thing to do - but hadn’t Harvey just revealed that Mike had basically forced him to face his bisexuality? So no harm to be done, right? He had waited 10 months to do this and he sure as hell did not want to waste any more time.

Mike held onto Harvey’s upper arm and leant closer until their lips touched. When Harvey took another step towards him, it was all the sign he needed to put everything into this one kiss. First impressions were going to last, right? This was Harvey’s first kiss with a man, he assumed, they better made it a good one so he would not change his mind. The little whimper the man in front of him made, the trembling he felt against his lips were confirmation and incentive enough.

Mike was so cautious that he registered every little movement Harvey made, every little sound that escaped his lips and he soaked it all up. How could he ever have lived without this? How could he have worked with this man without touching, without feeling - without tasting him?

If it had been up to him, this moment could have lasted forever but Mike was acutely aware of how fragile this was. He did not want to destroy it by being too eager. Even though his whole body was charged with hormones and his sex drive shouted ‘HERE I AM, DON’T YOU DARE IGNORE ME’ - especially because Harvey was a great kisser. Wow. A fantastic kisser indeed. It took Mike’s entire willpower to pull back instead of pushing that man against the window and going down on him there and then. Oh, he would make him experience what he had missed out on.

When they finally broke apart, their faces were flushed and Harvey insatiably stole a couple of pecks - not that Mike minded. At all. How could this man have just turned even more breathtakingly handsome than just a couple of minutes ago? Christ, Mike was doomed. When Harvey moved closer once more and kissed him demandingly, Mike wasn’t able to contain himself anymore, he moaned hoarsely into the kiss, grabbed Harvey by the shirt and let himself go for a tiny moment before he gently pushed Harvey away, imitating him, “Easy, tiger…” Their rapid breathing gave away just how much they wanted each other right now.

Harvey blinked and ran his hand down Mike’s back, “I’ve waited for this for so long.”

“Oh, tell me about it,” Mike replied cheekily and screwed his own good intentions by leaning Harvey against the glass window and kissing him again. He just had to. Because that man was just so hot. And his lips looked so damn sexy post kissing. And just because he could.

Mike blindly reached for Harvey’s arm and pulled him with him to the couch while never breaking the kiss, amazed by how little his friend seemed to hesitate. Then again, this was Harvey goddamn Specter. A bold man with bold moves. If he did something, then 100 per cent. He always played with fire. Mike on the other side was the compassionate one, the one that brought the feeling into it and he knew damn well that he should end this here until they had talked about it but damn, Harvey was way too skilled. He could tell that Mr. Handsome had done plenty of research in the kissing field - in the end, it probably did not really make that much of a difference if you’re with a guy or a girl (if you’re attracted to both of course).

“You’re thinking too much, Mike,” Harvey murmured against his lips and cupped his face between his hands before caressing the Mike’s tongue with his own, a motion that went straight to his cock and made him let out a shuddering moan that almost scared him. His eyes fell shut for a moment as he enjoyed the wave of pleasure that hit his body. Fuck, he wanted this man. So badly. Fuck, fuck, fuck. He almost had to force his hands to stay where they were and not wander off to explore the new terrain.

“Harvey, stop...” Mike managed to press out and stared at Harvey with want while clinging tightly onto his arms, “Let’s not rush this… you’re too important to me. Trust me, everything - and I mean every single cell - in me wants this. Wants you. Jesus Christ, you have no idea how badly I want to fuck you…” his hitched breathing definitely was proof enough that Mike wasn’t lying, “But I also know you. I don’t want you to bite off more than you can chew. Because even though you’ve somehow known you might like guys… trying it for the first time is something completely different and I don’t…”

Harvey smiled gently and put his index finger on Mike’s swollen lips “Shhhh. You worry too much. It’s okay, rookie. I get it. You fear that I might change my mind if things get too much for me. But hey, you should know me by now, I’m not one to run from a challenge. I’ve always had the vague idea that I’m not completely straight but now I know for sure. And of course it is a little scary because it’s a field I know shit about but I am so. sick. and. tired. of fighting it.”

“Then don’t…” Mike replied tenderly while he allowed his nerves calm down. He needed to trust Harvey that he would not burn them in an attempt to explore that side of him. Looking at Harvey, the way he was lying half under him, just inches away from his face, he knew that there was no way back anyway. Mike was so smitten by Harvey that no reasoning would be able to stop him. He ran the back of his hand along Harvey’s face. “Oh my God, you’re so beautiful,” he heard himself whisper as Harvey closed his eyes and leant into the touch. Harvey smiled against Mike’s hand and pecked it briefly before he mumbled, “It feels different…”

“Different how?” Mike wanted to know. He had never slept with a woman and found it hard even to imagine what it was like. Soft. Somehow. That’s what they all said. But from experience he knew that men could be pretty soft as well if they wanted to be, so that was possibly just a stereotype.

“Good different,” was the only reply he got for a while. Mike didn’t stop caressing his arm and back and pretty much everywhere else that seemed safe enough right now.

“Well, that’s good…” Mike chuckled and watched Harvey’s smile soften even more, the way he tilted his head back, breathed through his nose and shivered under his touch was driving him insane but he wouldn’t do anything about it tonight. Even though that was extremely difficult.

“When was the last time you made out with a guy and didn’t sleep with him?” Harvey opened his eyes and grinned cheekily.

Mike wrinkled his nose, “Old man, don’t rub it in, I’m really trying here…”

Harvey raised his eyebrows “You know, if it was up to me…”

“But it’s not,” Mike stopped him right there and then, “and you sneaky bastard stop putting images in my head, I want you to at least think it over for one night, maybe two. Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, I’m pretty much into you myself…” Harvey grinned a happy grin that almost made Mike lose track of his own little speech “...and if you realize that you don’t want this and rather go back to your heterosexual life because it’s easier… no insults… no fights… no secrets... I would understand. I totally would. But I promise you one thing: If we have sex and you change your mind, I will have to leave Pearson Hardman”.

“That is not gonna happen,” Harvey replied seriously and took Mike’s hand in his, “But…”

Mike raised his eyebrows. Oh, here came the first ‘but’.

“If we do this. It will be a thing between you and me,” Harvey had not meant this as a question but a statement and Mike knew what it entailed. He bit his tongue and fought against the disappointment that was settling in his stomach.

“I hate secrets,” Mike pointed out quietly, “How will society ever change if we don’t show the world that we exist?” His voice was a little raspy now and he looked at their linked hands rather than into Harvey’s eyes.

“I’m only just coming to terms with this, Mike…” Harvey replied honestly and inhaled deeply, “Please… Could you do that for me?”

Mike knew that he was being unfairly judgmental about it. Harvey was right, Mike had had more than a decade to turn into the confident gay man he was today and there were still struggles he had to overcome. Harvey on the other hand was still easing into it. Maybe with time he would change his mind and they could appear together in public. One step at a time, right?

“How about we see how it goes and then we negotiate that point again?” Mike tried and ran his thumb along Harvey’s palm.

“Deal!” Harvey replied firmly and stared into the younger man’s eyes. Mike was talking to Mister Pokerface here but who was he kidding? He wanted this too much even to consider taking a step back. When Harvey moved closer and brushed his lips over his to initiate another kissing session, he threw all remaining doubts overboard.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PS: I'm gonna have to change the rating to explicit - not for this chapter but quite some to come. I'm done writing and yes, those two just cannot keep their hands off each other (that's hardly a spoiler, is it?). And that comes from a person who is usually VERY uncomfortable writing smut...


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's already the next one, I'm too impatient to leave you waiting ;)

_“Hi Mike, you’re probably still asleep. I’m about to go for a run and I just wanted to tell you that… In case you haven’t noticed… It’s the next morning and I still wanna sleep with you.”_

Mike lay in bed and grinned like a Cheshire cat.

_“Hi Mike, you’re probably still asleep. I’m about to go for a run and I just wanted to tell you that… In case you haven’t noticed… It’s the next morning and I still wanna sleep with you.”_

Okay. This was bordering obsession but he just couldn’t help it.

_“Hi Mike, you’re probably still asleep. I’m about to go for a run and I just wanted to tell you that… In case you haven’t noticed… It’s the next morning and I still wanna sleep with you.”_

He had to stop himself.  
Now.

Mike chuckled and wrapped the blanket tightly around his torso, hugging it thoroughly happily and put his cell phone on the nightstand before he would press that ‘voicemail’ play button yet another time. His face actually hurt by now from the unnatural beam plastered all over it and he hummed to himself, feeling overjoyed as he stared at the ceiling and replayed last night’s events in his head. He was so lost. So head over heels for that man!

He had overheard a conversation at The Center the other night where a guy who wasn’t in his group had advised another one to never go out with a closeted person because it was bound to end in heartbreak. Maybe they were right but for Mike it was too late, there was no way back. He would just have to work with everything that Harvey was willing to give. To show. And last night and this morning had left Mike happier than he had been in a long time so he’d do whatever it takes to make this last.

Nevertheless, he would have to teach Harvey that he did not always get what he demanded. His impatience was hot, as was his drive and ambition but they had to establish this was not like their work relationship. Even though Harvey was his boss, they were both in charge here. While he wanted nothing more than fulfilling Harvey’s wish and jump onto his bike to see him today, he decided against it. For ‘tactical’ reasons.

Mike bit on his bottom lip in amusement as he reached for his phone again, resisting the urge to play that voicemail back yet another time. He wrote a text message, looked at it for a second but sent it before he decided differently.

_I hope you enjoyed your run. It is the next morning indeed - and I’m glad to hear you haven’t changed your mind. As soon as my bed lets me go, I’ll dress up nicely for my weekly chess game with Grammy. Wish me luck, she’s a mean player._

When Mike was due to put the phone away, the three dots that indicated Harvey was typing flashed up on his screen, so he stayed in bed for another while, lay down on his side and stared at the device. The butterflies in his stomach made a jolly dance.

_You should know me better than that, rookie.  
Dress up nicely? What’s that Mike Ross style? Hoodie and blue jeans?  
She’ll kick your ass…  
See you later?_

Mike laughed softly and sat up now, shaking his head. He could get used to this. In a way, he already was. Their bantering had not changed much over the past year, yet his body reacted to it in an extremely different manner now. The texts they were exchanging right now made him giddy, excited, and stupidly delighted.

_Believe it or not, I own proper shirts.  
Thank you for your confidence, that really makes me feel so much better.  
...hmnnn not sure I can make it tonight, rain check?_

Mike wondered if that was too blunt because the last thing he wanted was for Harvey to fear he had changed his mind. However, when the next message popped up, he stopped panicking and jumped out of bed.

_So why don’t you wear them?  
No worries, I’ll see you tomorrow then. Looking forward._

Without giving it another thought, he typed.

_And still you fell for me!  
Me, too. x_

Mike turned on some music, put his phone on the nightstand again and sang along as he decided on which shirt to wear _(Believe it or not, I own proper shirts)_ , imagining Harvey lounging in his bed and observing him with that particular private grin _(It’s the next morning and I still wanna sleep with you)_. How could he possibly hide the latest events from his grandmother today? Or even worse - everyone at Pearson Hardman tomorrow? His poker face was very much not intact right now. Oh well. For now, he couldn’t care less, turned up the volume and danced around the room, feeling like the luckiest man on earth.

***

“I don't get that. You get a skim milk latte, and then you put whipped cream and sugar in it,” Mike shook his head and handed Harvey’s feisty secretary her favorite coffee - a peculiar combination that only someone like Donna could possibly order. He had been early and just wanted an excuse to stand in front of Harvey’s office when his boss showed up. Yeah, a little desperate maybe but after he had not seen him yesterday, he wanted to make sure that Harvey knew he still wanted this.

“ _Because_ I get skimmed milk, I _can_ put whipped cream and sugar in it,” she replied and winked before she interrogated him, “And what gives me the honor of being graced by your presence AND brought coffee? - Or did anyone die?” she pretended to be shocked and Mike tilted his head, “Ha, ha, very funny. I was hoping I could sneak into Harvey’s office to put a file on his desk.” That was not true. The folder he held in his hand was something they had already gone over last week but it had come in handy right now.

“Not happening, Mike, you’d need to bribe me with way more than that,” she winked and pointed at the man approaching their desk right now, smiling smugly and acting even more as if he owned this place than usual, “You’re too late anyway, skinny boy”.

Mike held his breath and tried to act normally right now while he clung onto the folder in his hand as if it was a matter of life and death. At the same time, Harvey radiated confidence; he seemed to be on top of the world. So much in fact, that Donna looked at him with wide eyes, “It’s a little early for name partner, isn’t it?”

“Donna, I appreciate your enthusiasm,” Harvey grinned at her, “I just had a great weekend, that’s all.”

“Scotty in town?” Donna retorted immediately and Harvey opened the door full of verve, “How about ‘it’s none of your goddamn business’?” before he nodded for Mike to follow him inside.

“Scotty, huh?” Mike replied when they were finally alone, “I knew you had history…” He raised his eyebrows and grinned at Harvey, confident that she was not a threat because when they had met on a case a couple of months back, Harvey had not been overly enthusiastic to see her - much to Donna’s surprise. Now he knew why.

Harvey was very aware of the broadcasting intercom, so he chose his words wisely, “Yeah, we dated a couple of years ago.” Both men could see Donna snort at the understatement of the century but they chose to ignore it. It did not matter, as long as they both knew that they were on the same page.

Mike opened the folder he had brought along and took a pen off Harvey’s desk, “I think I found a loophole for our little problem, you see this…” he circled a random word and started writing something, “...could be just what we need to nail the bastard”. He turned the page and looked at Harvey, trying not to stand revealingly close. Was this an appropriate distance? Hell, he did not know anymore.

_I’m sorry I couldn’t see you last night. Dinner?_

“That’s perfect, I’m sure if we grill him enough, he’ll buckle. Call him and set an appointment, confrontation is the way to go forward with this one. I think I’ll be able to clear a spot at around…”

Donna looked up from her desk and busied herself checking Harvey’s calendar before she showed him a nine with her two hands. God, this was too easy, Mike thought. She must have noticed something, right?!

“9pm it is,” Mike nodded. “Let’s roast him.”

Harvey took a pen, looked pensively at the document once more before he circled another random paragraph and wrote down a couple of words, while mumbling, “Please look into this as well. It can’t hurt to have a backup plan.”

_Can’t wait. My place._

Mike would have objected, he wanted to stay in charge but a) they both knew Harvey had the better kitchen and b) it was difficult to discuss something like this while they had to be careful about their choice of words. Therefore, this time, Mike gave in.

“Will do, thanks Harvey,” he briefly met his gaze but that sent his entire body to high alert, so he quickly glanced away as casually as possible. When he turned around, he almost bumped into Jessica’s arms who was obviously amused by Mike’s level of respect towards her. She nodded and greeted him elegantly, “Mister Ross.” while he left the room, nodding in return, “Miss Pearson.”

From the corner of his eye he could tell Harvey and Jessica were casually talking about him and Mike could only hope for the best - she still intimidated him, even after all this time. She was just such a graceful, no nonsense person.

“So who’s the client?” Donna asked as he left the office.

“What…?” Mike was caught a little off-guard.

“The client…” Donna replied amused, “I need a name for Harvey’s schedule.”

“OH! Yeah, right,” the associate felt like a naive puppy right now, “Jenson.”

“Jenson? I thought you closed him last week,” Donna replied irritated and Mike shrugged, “So did we. Turns out, he had another card up his sleeve. But don’t worry; we will close that son of a bitch.”

Donna smirked back at him, “Oh I’m sure you will.” and Mike was no longer sure she was talking about the case.

***

When Mike showed up at Harvey’s place that night with a bag full of groceries and a bottle of wine, he was nervous. This really seemed like his first date ever all over again. He had absolutely no idea what to expect because the man he worked for was full of surprises. They would be okay. Of course they would. All their mutual pining had to be an indication of how they would act around one another when things turned serious.

These moments at the door had always been some of Mike’s favorites because Harvey’s face opened up whenever he saw it was him. Tonight was no difference. Not true. There was a difference. In addition to that look on his face, Harvey grabbed him by his collar - they were both still in their work clothes - and pulled him inside for a kiss. Mike smiled against his lips and put down the bag before he pushed Harvey against the wall and pressed against his body, mumbling, “So we’re gonna roast Jenson tonight?” Harvey chuckled lowly and replied cheekily, “If you wanna call it that! Yeah, let’s roast Jenson.”

Mike held Harvey’s face between his hands and kept him steady as he kissed him once more, feeling the need to catch up after not having been close to him for two days. Harvey let him and closed his eyes, enjoying every fragment of this until they had to come up for air. Mike was about to start another attack when Harvey shook his head, “Hold on a second, I need to tell you something…” He reached for the grocery bag and carried it into the kitchen, waiting for Mike to follow him.

Mike was startled by all this but he could tell Harvey was not about to break up what hadn’t even properly started yet, so he trusted this was important and busied himself unpacking the groceries while Harvey poured them a glass of wine each and placed them on the counter.

“I had a conversation with Jessica this morning,” Harvey began and his face immediately changed to business mode. It was almost as if he had a twin brother that always came to play when he was handling work related stuff.

“About…?” Mike asked, fearing for a moment that someone had outed him against his will. But that could have only been Harvey or Rachel and therefore highly unlikely. That - or someone had revealed his secret about not having a law degree. Now that would be a disaster!

“As you may know, we represent MedInsurance,” Harvey looked at Mike still all business like who nodded, “Yes, we executed their merger with Mayer & Watkins in spring,” he still sounded suspicious and Harvey’s doubtful face gave him no reason to calm down any time soon.

“What if I told you that we could find a way to change the Affordable Care Act in a way that would benefit our client _and_ the people.”

“Then I’d say ‘That’s great, let’s do it - but what’s the catch?’ You don’t pull such a face simply to wind me up,” Mike concluded.

“It would entail having dinner with an associate justice to win him over. Jessica scheduled it for about a month from now. She asked me to come and suggested I should bring you because you worked on the merger with me. But I don’t think it’s a good idea because...” Harvey started and Mike immediately felt his heart race angrily in his chest. Was he really about to tell him that now that they were secretly seeing each other, they needed to make sure not to spend too much time together in public? Didn’t he realize how ridiculous that was because everyone knew how close they were? Mike frowned and crossed his arms in front of his chest, feeling insulted already. What a way to start a… relationship or whatever it was they were about to get into.

Harvey raised his hand in a conciliatory manner, “Hear me out…”

This could have been a great evening, hell, he had pictured themselves having sex before dessert - definitely not happening now!

Harvey sighed, “It’s not that I don’t want to bring you. Not as my date obviously but…”

_Obviously._

“...that’s not it. The associate justice I’m talking about is Antonin Scalia.”

Mike froze and widened his eyes, “You gotta be kidding me.” Where was the hidden camera? Who was trying to test Mike to see how much he could take before he would lose it and throw one of Harvey’s precious lounge chairs down the balcony?

“I’m afraid, I’m not,” Harvey reached out for Mike’s crossed arms and pulled them apart gently, “That’s why I wasn’t sure how to tell you… Because even I know that he is a homophobic bastard and I don’t want you to get hurt.” He sounded very protective now and wrapped his own arms around Mike’s torso. The younger man frowned angrily - but more at the injustice of the situation. All these years he had campaigned against assholes like Scalia and now he would be forced to pass him the bread and flash him a smile instead of telling him once and for all what his political decisions did to the community.

He felt Harvey’s hand in his short hair and sighed, slowly letting the anger subside and his muscles relax. He rested his head briefly on Harvey’s shoulder and mumbled, “Sorry that I got angry. I should have trusted you.” He pulled back a little before he kissed Harvey gently.

Harvey smiled reassuringly against his lips and when they broke apart, he replied, “It’s okay, I get it. The whole thing is fucked up. I’m asking a lot of you. Not just the Scalia thing. Also, when it comes to us...”

Mike did not want to hide that was true, honesty was important so he nodded seriously and explained after gathering his thoughts, “I’ll have to get used to this. I’ve marched for so many years now and told everyone how proud and out I am and this… arrangement is very difficult to take. But I’m willing to do it. Because I have feelings for you and I want us to at least give it a try. And I know how new all this is for you. That I’ve had so many more years to work through all the shit that you must be dealing with right now. I will just have to learn to step back for now. So if I’m impatient with you and not understanding enough, please stop me, okay?”

He ran his hands up and down Harvey’s back as they spoke and openly looked at him. It was so frustrating to not be able to shout into the world that he was smitten by this man. He wanted to shower him with affection any given minute to show him it was okay to be gay and if that couldn’t happen at work because they were boss and employee, then at least as soon as they left the office building. However, it was early days. He knew that he was rushing things.

“If you don’t wanna come to that dinner, I’ll figure out a reason why you need to urgently work on another case,” Harvey offered and Mike could not help but smile. The way Harvey attempted to shelter Mike from harm was something that had always moved him but now that they both knew how they felt about one another, it had an even stronger impact on him. It literally made him shiver.

“No, I want to come. It’s important to the company. If it helps, I will ask Rachel to be my plus one. To not raise any suspicion, I mean,” Mike mumbled, unsure if he could share a table with that homophobic prick for an entire night without freaking out. It couldn’t hurt to have an ally.

“Wouldn’t she take it the wrong way?” Harvey asked and pressed his lips together, “I think she likes you.”

“She does,” Mike replied matter-of-factly. “But she knows I’m gay.”

Harvey’s eyes widened, he frowned and took a step back, “I explicitly asked you not to talk about it. At least not to anyone inside the firm. Mike, the more people know, the bigger the risk.”

Mike raised his hands exhaustedly, “Please, Harvey. Don’t.” He shook his head, tired of this constant dance - one step forward, three steps back. He sounded tired now when he asked, “Do you have any idea how difficult this year has been for me? I thought you out of all people would understand! I’m at this firm basically 24/7, I needed someone I could confide in. Someone who wasn’t the boss I fancied...”

Harvey looked at him with uncharacteristic panic in his eyes now, “Did you tell her THAT as well?”

“No, I didn’t. And to be honest, if you keep questioning us like this, I actually begin to wonder if seeing each other is a good idea,” he kept his anger in check but the disappointment and sadness were clearly audible in his voice, “I understand you’re terrified of being openly bisexual, it changes everything, I promise you it does. But I would never ever out you against your will.”

Harvey folded his hands and kept a bit of a distance now because Mike made it clear through his body language that he did not want to be touched in this moment.

“That. That just really hurt.”

“I’m sorry, Mike…” Harvey tried but Mike wasn’t sure Harvey even got what he was supposed to be sorry about, so he asked, “Are you ashamed of your feelings for me? Would you rather not have them?”

Harvey’s mouth dropped open and he exclaimed in utter surprise, “What…?”

“That’s how I felt by the way you reacted to the Rachel thing…” Mike inhaled deeply. He had not considered things to get this incredibly messy this soon.

“I’m far from being ashamed, rookie.” Harvey tilted his head and took a careful step in his direction; the way he looked at Mike now was something he could only describe as ‘the closer look’, “I want this. You. I want us to spend time together. Date. Kiss. Have sex. Be an item.”

“We need to establish something,” Mike replied with firm voice, even though he felt raw, insecure and vulnerable. He took a deep breath and continued, “This is not the Harvey Specter Show. I want to be with you, too. With the private you. ‘Private you’ means you won’t always be the one calling the shots. And you will have to accept that I don’t always have to agree with your approach.”

“If you talk to Rachel, I have to react as ‘business me’,” Harvey pointed out, “Because you do it in the Pearson Hardman context.”

“Not if I talk to her during my lunch break. In confidence. And if I trust her that she won’t sell me out. That falls under my ‘private me’ time. Not the ‘business me’ one,” Mike countered, not backing off one bit.

“I disagree, she’s still a Pearson Hardman employee and will take the knowledge to the firm.”

“Well, so are you. And so am I. And we will be doing the same. I dare say that what we will be doing might be a lot more suspicious than what she might be saying. So you either accept that I talk to Rachel, or the consequence would be that we have to stop dating. Because you’re applying double-standards and bending the rules in your favor,” Mike replied. He had learned to argue from the best.

Even though Harvey should probably stand his ground now, he did not want to fight, risking what they could have. His expression softened and he reached for Mike’s hand, looking at him ruefully “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you. You know, if it were up to me, I would love everyone to see… It’s just damn difficult, company policies and all…”

Mike let Harvey pull him closer and sighed softly. Of course he did. He whispered sulkily “Can’t we just run away?” Harvey smiled at him fondly, “I don’t think that’s the solution. But how about a trip? Holidays. After the dinner. Cuba. Or Hawaii. Or anywhere else where nobody knows us. Then I’ll show you off to the entire world.”

“Not quite the entire world,” Mike pointed out but smiled mildly. It was a nice idea. “I would like that…”

“Then that’s set.” Harvey smiled. Same old bold move maker as always. He just had to boast, didn’t he? But Mike loved that confidence and boldness about him. He wrapped his arms around Harvey and kissed him tenderly before he pointed out, “You did get the point about private you not always calling the shots, right?”

Harvey grinned widely now and shrugged, “I might have heard you say something along the line, yeah…”

“Okay, _Harv_ , go cut the onions…”


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is VERY NSFW. I got a little carried away here. If you're not crazy about reading smut, wait for the next chapter ;) I found this necessary to point out the dynamics between them but the story still works without it...

Mike woke up with the immediate knowledge that he was not in his own bed. The sun that tickled his shoulder was too bright and the linen surrounding him way too soft. In addition, he was certain he was being watched. Funny, how you can tell someone’s eyes are on you even when you weren’t looking. He stirred and smiled into the bedsheets, when fingertips found their way into his hair.

“Morning…” Harvey’s voice filled the room. Oh, Mike could totally get used to this.

“Morning,” he replied and looked straight into Harvey’s hazel eyes. What a stunning man.

“How did you sleep?”

“Like a baby… I don’t know if it’s down to this bed or the wine or the food or…” Mike was shut up by a kiss from a Harvey who mumbled against his lips, “I would like to think it was my company…” He shifted his leg and straddled Mike, smiling down on him.

“The alpha male needs to be on top again?” Mike remarked and chuckled softly at the offended look that greeted him, “I don’t recall you complaining last night.”

“Oh, no worries. This isn’t a complaint, I’m merely observant,” Mike smirked and wrapped his arms around Harvey’s neck to pull him down for a kiss. His lips were still raw and swollen from yesterday’s kissing session that had been messy and hot - their fight had pretty much killed all sex vibes, but that didn’t mean that they couldn’t enjoy each other’s company. Quite the opposite: They both had used those hours of intimacy to reassure each other without words that they did not want to fight. Yes, they were not always good with words but when they had gone to sleep, both of them had felt they would be okay.

“If you made me a hickey anywhere, I’ll need to have a serious word with you,” Mike added after kissing Harvey one more time. Harvey leaned back a little and scanned every bit of Mike’s neck, face, shoulders and chest, making him shiver with desire. He could not remember to have ever been looked at that way.

“You’re good,” Harvey concluded and leaned down to run his nose along Mike’s neck, whispering, “I couldn’t help it, I just wanted to mark you mine…”

Mike moaned softly, Harvey’s possessiveness killed him. He wanted him so badly right now, “There’s nothing wrong with that… just not in a visible spot, Mister Privacy.” Mike could not believe he was the sensible one right now, such a role reversal. Nevertheless, he cared about Harvey and did not want to get him into trouble. Harvey smirked and slid down a tiny bit before he playfully ran his tongue over Mike’s left nipple and sucked on the skin right on top of it hard enough to leave a deep purple bruise. Mike was panting; Harvey knew exactly which buttons to push.

“Okay, my turn,” Mike replied hoarsely. He would not let Harvey dominate him that easily. He reached for his arms and wrapped his right leg around Harvey’s waist before turning them around without any problems.

“Sneaky,” Harvey leered at him and was ready to wrestle him but Mike knew who he was up against, so he pinned him down with both hands and rolled his hips, rubbing the thin fabric of his briefs against Harvey’s, making him cry out in surprise. Knowing that he was the first man ever to make him experience this sensation turned Mike on more than it possibly should. He was in charge and loved every second of it. “You like that, don’t you?” Mike smirked naughtily and rubbed his crotch against Harvey’s.

“Christ, Mike,” Harvey’s hips thrusted up involuntarily but Mike, ever the tease, slid a little further back until he was trapping Harvey’s legs instead, leaving him pretty immobile. Harvey groaned in frustration but only until Mike bent down and started kissing his way downwards from chest, to belly button, sucking lightly on his skin every now and again. When he had reached the delicate spot between belly button and crotch, Mike mumbled against Harvey’s torso, “Mine…” before he sucked on it, never breaking eye contact with Harvey whose entire body trembled underneath Mike’s lips and he enjoyed every second of it.

While leaving his mark on Harvey, Mike playfully ran his thumb along his trapped length. He had wanted this for so long - was this actually happening? The reaction was plain gorgeous. Harvey’s eyes fluttered shut and he blindly reached for Mike’s head to push him in the right direction. “Not so fast, sexy,” Mike commanded and ran his tongue in circles further down while he released Harvey’s legs to take off his briefs. Harvey helped Mike by arching his back and when Mike had gotten rid of that unnecessary piece of clothing, he knelt next to Harvey for a moment and took in the sight.

This incredibly handsome man was lying before him, eyes shut, a content smile on his lips, trembling, well equipped (not that Mike was surprised) and aroused. And he would have the pleasure to do all the things to him that this beauty had never encountered. If he did not screw it up, he would be the fortunate one to give him all the important first times that he’d never forget. Even though that should terrify Mike, it didn’t. It actually really, really turned him on. The idea of teaching Harvey, helping him explore the new terrain. His boss, mentor and know-it-all was the rookie now. 

Mike moaned quietly at the thought and was rocket hard within seconds. He quickly got rid of his own briefs, which had become increasingly uncomfortable, pushed Harvey’s legs apart, bent them slightly and positioned himself between them. Then he moved in to crush his lips onto Harvey’s demandingly, feeling all the confirmation Mike could have possibly needed when Harvey whimpered involuntarily into the kiss and opened his eyes to stare at him with lust.

“I want to taste you - and I want you to look at me while I do…” Mike whispered and Harvey’s desperate shudders were almost too much to take. God, how beautiful this man was. He had never seen him this speechless. “Do you want that, Harvey?” he asked almost teasingly. It was plain to see but Mike could not help it.

Harvey nodded immediately but Mike felt playful and on top right now, he wanted to drag this moment out, it was the hottest thing he had ever seen. “I’m not sure I heard that…” he teased him and kissed him once more while he simultaneously rubbed his own erection against Harvey’s.

“Fuck…” Harvey muttered and reached for Mike’s head again to push him down.

“Was that a yes?” Mike tried again while he rolled his hips some more and started grinding against Harvey’s groin.

“Suck me off already,” Harvey muttered through gritted teeth, making Mike laugh cheerfully, “I guess I can’t expect a ‘please’ of you, boss, can I?”

“Suck me off already, _please_ ,” Harvey complied and rolled his eyes. There was a hint of nervousness in his eyes but more than anything, he was horny and desperate and Mike was happy to store this image in his head to replay it whenever he pleased.

Harvey, never able to give up control, kept his hands firmly on Mike’s head while the tease kissed another trail down his body. The smell of sex already filled the air and Mike realized just now how much he had missed that. He moved back a notch and pushed Harvey’s legs apart more to have better access.

The sounds Harvey made when Mike let his tongue explore every inch of him turned him on so much more and encouraged him. While his thumbs softly massaged Harvey’s balls, his mouth closed around his hard cock and the heat he felt pulsating against his lips and tongue was enticing. Mike shifted his body weight a little so he could have a better look at Harvey as he slowly but steadily moved up and down Harvey’s shaft. Fuck, that man was handsome. Even more now. The way he forced his eyes remain open because Mike had asked him to look at him while he did this. _Oh yeah. Feel this, Harvey. This is just the beginning. I want you. All of you. Every cell of you. You’re mine. This is me claiming you._

Harvey’s moans turned into surprised whimpers, groaning and wheezing and Mike felt how close he was. He had to force his hands to stay right where they were and not wander off to some regions that Harvey had not explored yet. All this would be his soon; he had to be patient. Right now, those noises were all Mike needed to know that this would not be their last time. He ran his tongue along the tip of Harvey’s cock before he went down on him once more and felt every muscle in Harvey’s body contracting. Then Harvey pulled hard on his head, muttering an alarmed “I’m….”

Mike smiled and stared straight into his eyes as he disregarded the pull - Harvey needed to learn to let go - and twirled his tongue around his cock one last time before Harvey came right into his mouth and he swallowed it without breaking eye contact.

“Oh fuck…” Harvey whispered, obviously not having expected Mike to do that and the love that Mike recognized in his gaze right now made him shiver. He had closed Harvey Specter. His own emotions almost took their toll on him; he needed to pull himself together. Mike kept Harvey’s member in his mouth for another moment, feeling it soften around him. He knew that he always enjoyed that and could tell from Harvey’s widened but shining eyes that it did not fail to do the trick. When Harvey breathed more regularly again, Mike lazily crawled up and brushed his salty lips along Harvey’s, mumbling, “Taste yourself, you’re delicious…” Harvey shivered and moaned very silently now, he grinned tiredly and wrapped his arms around Mike, mumbling “Thank you… Want me to return the favor?”

Mike shook his head. He was pretty sure that Harvey was ready for it but did not want to test that theory. The moment was perfect as it was and he did not want to spoil it. “I’m good,” he smiled, “this is good…” He lay down next to Harvey and turned to his side, “I just wanna look at you, post orgasm… It suits you…”

Harvey chuckled, “Now that is something I haven’t heard before.” He also lay on his side, facing Mike and kissing him softly. Mike lazily reached between his own legs to take care of his own erection, never breaking the kiss.

“May I?” Harvey asked and put his hand on top of Mike’s, moving along with him. Mike’s heart skipped a beat and he grinned happily, “Be my guest…” He took Harvey’s hand in his and guided the first one, two, three strokes before he let go of it and held onto his upper arm instead to steady himself as Harvey jerked him off rhythmically. He could tell he had not done it to another person before. It did not feel experienced or rehearsed, there were tiny changes in pace and angle and that alone made it so exciting, so special that Mike let out a low moan and before he knew it, he had to bite into Harvey’s shoulder to stop himself from repeatedly cursing and moaning his name.

“Come for me…” Harvey suddenly whispered in his ear, hitting Mike completely out of the blue. He whimpered against his shoulder and shot his load into Harvey’s hand, gasping and trembling as he leaned against his torso. His racing heart vibrated against Harvey’s chest and when Mike was pulled on top of him with sticky hands, he was sure that this was heaven.

Both men were sweaty and spent but high on endorphins. Harvey lazily cleaned his hand on the blanket under him and kept Mike in a tight embrace that made him feel safe and cherished. Harvey kissed the top of his head as they lay in silence and Mike’s ragged breathing slowly returned to normal. 

“Perfect…” Mike muttered against Harvey’s skin.

Harvey hummed a confirmation and they both lay still for a while, coming down from their orgasms and the reality of it all. When Mike began to shiver, Harvey pulled the blanket from underneath him and covered them both. They knew they would have to get up soon but allowed themselves another couple of minutes lying there in silence.

When it was finally time to get ready for work, Harvey nudged Mike who had almost fallen asleep on top of him and grinned, “You know… it’s the next morning and I kinda had sex with you.”

Mike laughed and rolled onto his side, stretched and tried to convince himself that the world outside this bed wasn’t that bad, “kinda?”

Harvey chuckled and sat up and air quoted, “Well, we didn’t go ‘all the way’.”

“Some couples never do more than this, you know?” Mike pointed out and followed Harvey’s example. He just had to kiss him once more - yes, definitely addicted, “This does count as sex.”

Harvey looked at him in surprise and asked honestly, “Does that mean that all these thoughts in my head I’ve had over the years that I do like men but am not particularly crazy about anal sex were for nothing?”

The feelings of love for this man that washed over Mike right now were absolutely unexpected and took him by force. He had considered him attractive and special before, had been drawn to him for a long time but this right now was the moment that stirred him up so badly that he wasn’t sure he ever could be without Harvey again - possibly post coitus induced but he almost felt physically sick. _So when did you know that you loved this man? - When he said he wasn’t crazy about anal sex._ Okay, that one would definitely not be a story to share with his friends.

Mike grinned and ruffled his hair, “You’re cute.”

“I mean it!” Harvey frowned but failed to suppress the spent and sexed up grin plastered all over his face.

“Okay. I do like it,” Mike started again, but he could not quite shake the need to reassure the man in front of him, so he added, “To be honest, it’s just one of many things that I like. Rimming, for instance, is at least as hot as anal. Blowjobs - anytime. Handjobs - just as fine. So yes, today definitely counted as sex for me. How could it not?”

The puppy look that Mike had never seen on Harvey before slowly vanished and was replaced by the confident, on top of things person he was so familiar with. Before Harvey could speak, Mike added, “So if you don’t want to try it yet - or ever. That is absolutely okay. I have friends that gave it a shot and realized it was not for them and they happily live without it. I have talked to plenty of couples who have never actually tried it because it simply does not turn them on and they have a fulfilled sex life without it. Some people say it always hurts, others have found techniques that make it very pleasurable. I can’t promise you it won’t hurt because sometimes it does. Anal sex is not as important to gay men as straight people always think.”

“Now _that_ was an extremely impressive activist speech, Mike. I like it, you’re pretty sexy when you turn all Moby on me…” Harvey tried to distract Mike but he wasn’t stupid. He had known this man for a year now and was familiar with all his dirty tricks, so he simply ignored him and finished his train of thoughts, “This. Us. This morning. It was sex to me. And it was perfect. Okay? Per-fect.”

Harvey nudged him, “Okay, Moby, now stop it, I won’t give you the pleasure of making me blush.”

“Per-fect,” Mike repeated and kissed Harvey once more who knocked him over and wrestled him, “I said stop it.”

“I said per-fect,” Mike laughed now and fought back until he was pinned to the mattress and stared into Harvey’s dark and dangerously glaring eyes. He groaned silently and muttered, “You win… clearly…” He glanced down at his cock that did not seem to mind it had just been jerked off. Harvey grinned at him naughtily and rolled his pelvis teasingly against Mike’s now, making it so much worse before leaning down, biting his earlobe and whispering seductively, “Alright rookie, time… to go to work.” He smugly climbed off him and turned towards the bathroom, leaving a panting man on the bed.

Mike beamed all over his face and muttered, “Bastard.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Priya, I hope you're still alive!!!


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one *is* safe for work ;)

“Rachel, do you have a minute?” Mike asked as he entered her office, not even waiting for her reply as he closed the door behind him and leaned against it from the inside. These rooms did not offer overly much privacy, the outer walls were all made of glass and no acoustic genius in this world could construct them 100 per cent soundproof but you at least did not feel completely exposed in the fake comfort of your own space.

His friend looked up from her file, crumbled the post it she had just written on and studied Mike curiously, “What’s with that look? Did _someone_ mess up?”

Mike wrinkled his nose and retorted, “If by _someone_ you mean me, then no. This someone here is doing pretty alright,” he pointed at himself before he clarified, “I need your help. On a case. Well. Sort of.”

Rachel raised her eyebrows in amusement and repeated teasingly, “Sort of.”

“Well, it is for a case. But I don’t need legal advice. I need your time in pretty much exactly a month from now,” Mike sat down in the chair opposite her, took one of the highlighters out of the penholder and pulled the lit off just to put it straight on again. He just needed to keep his hands busy to disguise the fact that his entire body was on constant high alert.

This morning had seriously thrown him off his game and it astonished him that such a major thing had happened between him and Harvey but nobody seemed to notice. Which was good of course! He had to remind himself it meant they would not get busted. Moreover, it would help Harvey sleep. Which was vital. Harvey needed to sleep more anyway - he never allowed himself a break. But Jesus Christ, Mike wanted to shout it into this world. He had slept with Harvey Specter. Handsome, smart, confident, strong and not quite so straight Harvey Specter.

“Are you asking me out on a date?” Rachel challenged him cheekily and chuckled. The inside joke from the early days still did not seem to get old. Mike bashed his eyelids at her while he still unconsciously clicked the lit back in place so many times that Rachel reached across the desk and took away the highlighter, “What are you? Five?”

“And who are you? Harvey?” Mike reached for another highlighter.

Rachel laughed, “If I was Harvey, I’d have slapped you across the back of your head with a folder.”

“Fair point! Anyway,” Mike rubbed his hands along his pants now and sighed deeply, “I’m just nervous because he… well, actually Jessica which makes it even worse, asked me to join her and Harvey on a client dinner.”

“Hey, that’s great. Jessica wanting you there is a huge compliment. It means she values your work,” Rachel pointed out. She was right! With all the negative feelings he harbored against Antonin Scalia, Mike had not even taken into consideration what that invitation implied until now. When that news had finally sunk in properly, he sucked in his bottom lip and squinted his eyes together, “It does, doesn’t it?”

Maybe she really did value his work - she might have done so from the start and he had never really seen it. From where he was standing, it had always seemed as if Harvey had dragged Mike to the firm against her will and done everything to make him stay. Something he hadn’t appreciated nearly as much as he should have, if he was completely honest. Maybe Jessica believed in him after all? He looked at Rachel thankfully, “Thanks for putting things into perspective. But. I still have a favor to ask. That dinner, I’m gonna need an ally. Someone who… knows about me, if you get my point.”

“Why, who is it?” Rachel was a quick thinker; she immediately drew the connection to Mike’s sexuality and tried to come up with a potential client that could get to him.

Mike ran both hands through his hair and looked at her openly, “Antonin Scalia.”

“Oh my God,” Rachel leaned back in her chair and absent-mindedly reached for the tiny white crystal element she wore on her necklace, trying to process that piece of information, “Lawrence v. Texas - Scalia?”

Mike inhaled through his nose and sighed softly, “Yup. Romer v. Evans - Scalia.” He balled a fist around the highlighter in his hand and felt a little lost until Rachel looked at him compassionately, “Shit, I’m sorry, Mike… So, you’d like me to accompany you?”

He nodded matter-of-factly and replied, “I was thinking… You’re a great conversationalist. I don’t know how you do it but I’ve watched you at the Christmas party and you’re a natural…”

Rachel shook her head and pointed out, “Not a natural, years and years of training. Can you imagine how many family events we were supposed to attend? My dad made sure I knew how these things work…”

Mike kept forgetting that Rachel’s father was managing partner at one of the top New York law firms and made a substantial living. So much in fact, that she had deliberately chosen to work for another employer not to appear like an opportunist that just got to where she was now by being Robert Zane’s daughter.

“So…? I’m sure their food will be _to. die. for,_ ” he smirked and Rachel cocked her head and laughed, “You imitate me one more time and I’ll accidentally forget about that dinner and leave you hanging…”

“Does that mean…”

“...that I’m coming? Of course, I can’t throw you to the wolves like that. Plus, that man is a bit of a living legend, I want to see firsthand if he’s really such an asshole.”

“Do you have any doubt he might be?” Mike raised his eyebrows.

“Oh, none at all…” Rachel came back immediately and made a shooing gesture with her hands, “And now leave me alone, I need to figure out what to wear. I would ask you to help me out but a gay friend of mine once said I’m applying too many stereotypes and not all homosexual men have a great fashion sense,” she scrutinized Mike jokingly, “and I think he was right.”

Mike frowned, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Rachel pointed at his chest and pursed her lips, “That tie? Harvey is right. Still too skinny…”

***

Mike stood in his boss’ door and allowed himself to share a private smile with Harvey. Images of their morning flashed up before his eyes and he felt his knees go weak. How could anyone possibly not see what had changed between them? That man was so handsome, even when he was looking at him this seriously. He stepped inside, “You wanted to see me?” _I’ve wanted to see you, too. All fucking morning._

Harvey nodded and pointed at the chair opposite his desk before he switched off the intercom. _What the hell?_ “Is everything alright?” Mike asked and wondered if all these hours at work had made Harvey realize they could impossibly date. That couldn’t be it, right? God, he needed to trust Harvey more. Why was he so scared of losing him when clearly Harvey had never done anything to doubt his actions?

“Sit down, Mike,” his partner said calmly but his voice still gave away that something was substantially wrong. Harvey pressed his lips into a thin line and sat down opposite him.

“You’re scaring me…” Mike admitted silently, thankful for the fact that nobody but Harvey could see him right now. He was sure that his emotions were written all over his face and in this moment, so were Harvey’s. The man sitting in front of him almost seemed like a stranger to him, he had hardly seen him this haunted.

“The nursing home called and asked for you. You weren’t at your desk and they couldn’t reach you on your mobile phone either, so I took the call,” Harvey finally managed to say. He went quiet for a moment and then shook his head, unable to break the news gently, “Your grandmother… She passed away this morning.”

Mike’s eyes widened in shock as he looked back at his partner, “No.”

Harvey nodded, visibly torn. At home, he could be a very different person but in this office, he was constantly on guard, scared that anyone would find out about their little secret. Right now, he seemed like a prisoner in his own body as he explained quietly, “She did not suffer. Just… fell asleep.”

“No, no, that can’t be right… She still beat me at chess last weekend,” Mike replied stubbornly, refusing to let this piece of information sink in. Harvey simply shook his head. “Look… If you’d rather go home, I’d understand but… I think you shouldn’t be on your own now.”

Mike nodded and numbly got to his feet, rambling quietly to himself “I need to… take care of the funeral… and call people… I need to tell Brendan as well, I don’t even know where he is at the moment… And I don’t know if Father Walker is available, I mean, it’s holiday season and…”

The next thing he knew was that two arms had pulled him into a hug. Mike clung onto Harvey’s torso and whispered, “I knew that she wasn’t doing well anymore but… she seemed okay… and… I’m not ready, Harvey…”

“I know,” Harvey replied and held him tight. He ran his hand along his back soothingly and whispered quietly, “I wish I could kiss you now…”

Mike nodded and swallowed hard, “So do I... Fuck…” he inhaled deeply to not start crying here and now, “But this helps…”

Harvey reluctantly let go and looked at him seriously, “Mike. Like I said, take the day off if you can’t be here right now. I can also bury you in work to distract you if you’re scared to be alone… To be honest, I’d rather have you here so I know you’re okay,” Harvey briefly bit his lip and gave away once more how much it shook him up to see Mike in pain, “I’ll make sure that the funeral is arranged, okay? You don’t have to deal with any of that stuff unless you need it. Whatever helps you get through this, we will make sure you’ll have it.”

Grammy was gone. And she had only ever met Harvey once, briefly, in the hall. That was not fair. Last Sunday, she had been so happy for Mike, so relieved that he and Harvey had finally worked it out. She had made plans, wanted to see them both during one of the next visits. None of that would happen now.

“Thanks, Harvey, I rather work,” Mike whispered heartbroken. His lip quivered as he admitted, “I told her about us… She’s been rooting for you for months. And now you’ll never get to know her.” Harvey shook his head sadly, “No, I won’t… But I have a feeling that through all your stories, I got a pretty good idea of what she was like. And that she was incredibly proud of you. She was a strong person who wouldn’t take no for an answer. Someone with a huge heart ready to fight for the right cause. Just like you. She will live on through you.”

Mike looked down at his hands and inhaled deeply, without Harvey, he would be in utter free fall right now. Knowing that he was not completely alone through this made it a little less terrifying. He nodded silently and mumbled, “Please don’t work overtime tonight, okay?”

“I promise you I won’t. Wait…” he walked around the desk and opened a drawer with a spare set of keys that he handed over and squeezed his hand briefly while doing so, “Take these. Go straight to my place tonight, I’ll buy us something to eat even though you’ll probably not feel hungry but trust me, you’ll need some food down your system.”

With trembling hand Mike held onto the keys and nodded, muttering another ‘thanks’ in his direction before he turned around, leaving the office slowly, feeling numb and overwhelmed at the same time. He could hear Harvey switching on the intercom again and asking Donna to find the top funeral home of the city. Mike knew it was his way of saying ‘I care about you’ and appreciated it, even though right now he had no idea how things could ever be the same again. Now he truly was an orphan.

***  
Mike felt it was time, he had tried to talk himself into going up there and doing his grandmother proud but for the first time in years, he felt like the 11-year-old boy who had just been told his parents had died. It was like drowning in a sea of people even though just few had showed up here – apart from Harvey and Brendan, he literally did not know anyone.

“Look, I know it's hard, but if you don't go up there and say something, you’ll regret this for the rest of your life,” Harvey said quietly as he pulled him aside and looked at him. He ran his index finger gently along the back of his hand, being there as best as he could without showing public affection. God, Mike wanted nothing more than just pull him tight and let him hold him the way he had done the night he had learned the news. Harvey had been perfect. They had just sat together in silence and eaten their dinner (or at least tried in Mike’s case) and then – against all company regulations – gotten stoned until Harvey had prompted, “Why don’t you tell me some stories about Grammy?” They had laughed, Mike had cried and Harvey had just been there. Without saying too little or too much.

That had been so much easier than standing here now, not being able to touch, to hold onto each other. Mike needed it so badly. Harvey tried to encourage him, “Hey, your grandmother would ask you to kick some ass and make them all cry, wouldn’t she?” Mike smirked softly and nodded, “Yeah, she would.” He was right. Of course Harvey was right. Even though he had only met her once, that was exactly what she would have done. “So what are you waiting for?”

Mike took a deep breath and walked up front, unsure what to say. Nothing would do her justice. She had been his lioness, had sacrificed her entire life to make sure that he would be okay. Grammy had been his family. Without thinking about what to say, the words just tumbled out of his mouth. He looked at all these people he had never seen before and told them the story of Edith Ross, a brave woman with a giant heart. Whenever he did not know how to continue, he had looked at Harvey whose encouraging smile was the only anchor he needed in this rough water.

“You were great,” Harvey whispered and placed his hand on Mike’s shoulder after the ceremony.

“Thank you,” Mike nodded silently, relieved that it was over, “The setting was beautiful. I couldn’t have done any of this… I’m so grateful that I didn’t have to…” Harvey squeezed his shoulder and replied, “That’s the least I could do.”

“Mikey…?” a familiar voice inquired and he turned around to look at the person it belonged to. Brendan. It felt a little awkward to stand right in front of him after all this time but right now, Mike was glad that he was here. He hugged him briefly, unsure what was appropriate. The last thing he wanted was hurt him, Brendan was here to honor his grandmother and Mike was grateful for it.

“Bren… I appreciate you came… Grammy would have liked to know you’re here,” Mike said with slightly shaky voice, “You look good.”

“Thank you. It’s getting easier,” Brendan replied and put his hands in his pockets, nodding to himself. Oh God, Mike felt like an asshole now for having brought his new partner while Brendan was still working through their breakup. He nodded as well.

“I haven’t seen you around…?” Mike remarked quietly and took a tiny step back so he stood in line with Harvey, “This is Harvey…”

“I moved to San Francisco… Change of scenery. The community is strong, so I decided it was the perfect place to start over, you know?” he eyed Harvey up before they shook hands, “The boss. I remember.”

“Yes. That and… partner,” Mike gnawed his lip and shyly looked from Brendan to Harvey and back.

“Oh. Oh… I see…” Brendan looked hurt as he pulled his hand back, “I had no idea…”

“It’s still fresh,” Mike felt the need to point out. Great, now he had upset him anyway. _Well done, Mike._ He retreated slowly, not wanting to make this any worse, “Anyway… I’m thankful you’re here. Good luck in San Francisco.”

Harvey nodded in his direction and said politely, “Pleased to meet you,” before they left the room. “Rookie, you do know that you just outed me, right?” he looked at Mike when they were out of everyone’s earshot and sight. Mike leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, “Shit, you’re right… I didn’t think…”

“It’s okay,” Harvey replied calmly, “It’s an overwhelming day for you…” He rested his forehead against Mike’s and added, “I’m proud of you. And I do like it when you call me your partner. In every sense of the word.”

Mike’s eyes shifted to left and right to scan their environment before he dared to pull Harvey close and kiss him lovingly, sighing deeply, “Oh God, I’ve needed this. I have so needed this. Can we go home? I need to feel you…”

Harvey nodded and kissed him back, mumbling against his lips, “I’ll call a cab… And Mike?”

“Hmm…”

“What you said about her being your only family… If you let me, I’ll be there.”


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was my most dreaded chapter to write. I'm not from The States and picked Antonin Scalia by googling for Americans known for homophobic behaviour. I did quite a bit of research on what he said and what kind of cases he backed or opposed and I hope that this is realistic. If it's not, please point me to the mistakes and I'll work on it. Thanks in advance!

The next few weeks were mayhem at work but Mike was thankful for the distraction; he needed to come to terms with all the things that had happened. Clearing out his grandmother’s room at the nursery because someone else needed to move in had been the toughest part but he could not dwell on it because Pearson Hardman underwent a critical time full of attempts for hostile takeovers and backstabbing. Mike would always know whom to trust, even if he hadn’t been dating Harvey Specter. Jessica Pearson was one scary woman but she would not be the one to throw him under the bus should he ever out himself - with Daniel Hardman, he was not so sure…

They worked so hard to keep this firm alive and running and on top of that, Mike did not even manage to spend time at The Center, something he felt increasingly guilty about, especially considering that he also had a bad conscience that he had not spent more time with his grandmother before she passed away. However, if they did not do this now, there would not be a firm left to return to and that company was Harvey’s life. He felt like he could finally return some favors, which was long overdue.

Therefore, before he knew it, Mike found himself sitting himself on the couch in Harvey’s condo, a box of files right next to him, going through everything and anything there was to know about Antonin Scalia to prep them for the dinner. The more he read, the sicker he felt. It was 10pm and Harvey still had not come home. That was a bad sign - Daniel Hardman was up to some shady shit, even though Mike had a feeling that Harvey had only told him bits and pieces to not upset or worry him. But he was not blind; he hated how agitated Harvey was and how little he allowed himself to rest. He also drank too much at the moment but that was a completely different story.

Mike glanced at his phone - no message. By now, he was beginning to worry something might have happened on the way home. Yes, he was clingy right now; he just couldn’t stand the idea of losing the only person he had left in his life. That just could not happen. Of course he knew that he projected his recent loss onto Harvey, which is why he never told him about his fears but he was always relieved when the door opened. Just the way it did now.

Mike exhaled slowly, releasing the tension from his body. Just from the way he was walking, Mike could tell Harvey was in a bad mood. When he saw him sitting on the couch, his facial expression softened and he bent down to kiss him upside down, “I didn’t know you were here…”

“You got so much on your plate at the moment, I thought I’d take something off,” he waved the file he was currently holding in front of his face, “So you won’t have to do go through all the bullshit Scalia has ever said. I’m compiling a list of ‘do’s and don’ts’, which topics to avoid, hobbies, wife, affairs, kids, bla bla bla. The more I read, the more I dislike him, this must be my favorite so far, buckle up and enjoy,” he picked up a piece of paper and sat up straight as if he was reciting a poem,

_“If we cannot have moral feelings against homosexuality, can we have it against murder? Can we have it against other things?”_

He wrinkled his nose, still unbelieving that this dinner was actually happening and that he would be sitting there, having the chance to tell him all these things he’d always wanted to get off his chest but being forced to stay polite and stay all smiles.

Harvey shook his head and sat down in the chair next to the couch. He took off his shoes and loosened his tie, asking protectively, “You think it’s a good idea you’re the one going through all that?”

“Who else should do it? You? When? In those four hours that you currently allow yourself to sleep? In case you haven’t noticed, we’re not in Seattle and you are not Tom Hanks.”

Harvey shook his head and rubbed the back of his neck, looking utterly depleted, “Alright, you win this one. But just because I’m too tired to come up with a decent comeback. For now.”

“Which, I believe, proves my point,” Mike cocked his head and looked at Harvey, “If you need a good laugh, I have a couple more prepared for you. This one is also lovely, listen…” He cleared his throat and put on a serious, business like voice as he read a paragraph of another article out loud,

_”Suppose all the States had laws against flagpole sitting at one time, you know, there was a time when it was a popular thing and probably annoyed a lot of communities, and then almost all of them repealed those laws,” Scalia asked the attorney fighting the Texas law. “Does that make flagpole sitting a fundamental right?”_

“So being gay is like flagpole sitting? Hmmm,” Mike rolled his eyes up as if he was pondering on that statement before he said slowly, “Come to think of it… That’s one way of calling it,” he chuckled, rummaged through the pages and found another one, “And you as a first born will be extremely happy about this one…” He got to his feet, held the piece of paper in his right hand, extended his left arm and dramatically strode across up and down the living room,

_“In a big family the first child is kind of like the first pancake.”_

Mike paused for effect before he continued with a wide grin,

_“If it's not perfect, that's okay, there are a lot more coming along.”_

Harvey’s bad mood subsided. He started laughing and reached for the paper, “Give that to me, you’re winding me up, never on earth would he have said something that stupid.” Mike teasingly pulled it away a couple of times before he handed it over, “But he did! And now I want to see your face the moment he orders pancakes for dessert.”

***

“Could you please pass me the bread?” Antonin Scalia asked politely and looked at Mike, unaware of the fact that this was the moment his worst nightmare came true, dinner with the homophobe, oh what a joy!

“Sure,” Mike smiled at him and handed him the basket across the table, trying hard to pull himself together. Damn, that was not easy. They had spent the past two hours small talking.

Oh yes, they all agreed that Texas was worth visiting.  
Of course they could give him a tip or two which restaurants and theater plays he absolutely needed to see while he was in town with his lovely wife.  
Oh, how unfortunate that she could not make it to the dinner that night, it would have been such a nice balance - three women, three men.  
The youth of today did not respect the old values anymore.  
A Bill of Rights that meant what the majority wanted it to mean was indeed worthless.  
Well yes, they all understood what Scalia meant when he said that when it came to The Constitution, words had a meaning and their meaning did not change.

Mike was going to be sick. He could have easily countered every one of those ‘facts’ but he knew that they had to butter up Scalia to get them on their side. The Affordable Care Act was still relatively young and they knew how to twist it to sell their approach to a change to Scalia but in order to do so, they all had to be charming and understanding hosts - believable still, but Jessica Pearson was the queen of steering a conversation in the right direction. Mike was more and more impressed by her and in a way he was glad that he got to sit in at this dinner; he understood way better why she was where she was and what made her so special.

Harvey and Mike were seated at one side of the table, Jessica and Rachel opposite them and Scalia at the head between Jessica and Harvey. They kept it light most of the night and every now and again, Jessica would introduce a new fact in favor of the changes to be made to the ACA. They were currently eating their dessert (no pancakes, what a shame!) and Scalia looked at Mike and Rachel curiously, “So you two met at the firm, is that right?” Rachel and Mike exchanged a look. They should have talked this through properly, they just noticed. Rachel nodded and took the lead, “We worked on a pro bono case together. A combination of sexual harassment and wrongful termination. I admired Mike’s drive, he is the most thorough and determined associate I’ve had the pleasure of working with.”

Mike glanced up, he had not expected something like this at all and from the corner of his eye, he could see that Harvey’s posture changed a little. He did not dare to look properly to figure out if it was a ‘told you so’ reaction, assuming that Rachel still had feelings for Mike or pure and simple jealousy.

“We’re a good team, Rachel has very broad knowledge and I’m good at specializing,” Mike replied and took a sip of his wine. He hated playing this charade but he knew how important this case was for the firm. MedInsurance was one of their top clients and they needed to bring this baby home.

“You see,” Scalia said with a smile, “This is what society needs. Ambitious young couples who know what they want and make it work despite the many hours they dedicate to their companies. Two young people that appreciate each other’s company. And what do we get instead? The divorce rates are higher than ever. Marriage used to be a sacred act. Relationships important. The tip of the iceberg are those gay right activists that spit on our beliefs and disregard our Constitution just because they want a piece of the cake. Where will this all end, I am asking you? Let us have a toast to Rachel and Mike. To a couple that makes me believe not all hope is lost.”

Mike inhaled deeply. _Those gay right activists. How dare they want a piece of the cake? Why should they be allowed to marry the people they love? Yeah, how very silly of them._

He held tightly onto the wine glass and tried to smile through gritted teeth. For a second he felt as if he could smash the vessel with his bare hand. Then he felt an index finger discreetly and just as briefly run along his upper thigh. He turned his head in Scalia’s direction but more to look at Harvey whose eyes were serious even though his mouth was pulled into a grin. For a tiny second, their eyes met and Harvey tried to reassure Mike that they would be okay and that he knew he was upset. He could do this. For Pearson Hardman. Just tonight. And later on, he would go home with Harvey. And they could talk this through. _Just smile._

Both Mike and Rachel nodded appreciatively in Scalia’s direction before they took a sip of their drink and put the glasses back on the table. Rachel also glanced over to check if he was okay and he nodded slightly. This was not about him.

Thankfully, Scalia changed the topic right now and when Harvey was sure that nobody was paying attention, he reached for his hand under the table and squeezed it, a high-risk gamble that made Mike’s heart flutter.

Time dragged out, it was exhausting to agree with all those ancient Christian morals without being able to counter them. Mike wondered if this was how all those conservatives felt when he tried to convince them that the LGBTQ also had rights and they did not want to listen…

He zoned out for a while and quietly sipped on his glass of wine. For now, he wasn’t the center of attention anymore which he was thankful about. Not only did he have to make sure that Scalia wouldn’t figure out he was actually gay but he also had to stay away from anything Harvard related because he had done his research on Scalia and knew that he had graduated magna cum laude in 1960. Since Harvard Law most likely had not changed one bit over those decades, he had rather not engaged in any university related banters between Jessica, Harvey and Scalia.

The moment he tuned back in, he wished he hadn’t. He had no idea how it had happened but Scalia was at his best, in the middle of another speech about homosexual practices that violated the Constitution and the way society regarded gay people.

“Many Americans do not want persons who openly engage in homosexual conduct as partners in their business, as scoutmasters for their children, as teachers in their children’s schools, or as boarders in their home. They view this as protecting themselves and their families from a lifestyle that they believe to be immoral and destructive,” Scalia said. That sounded familiar to Mike, Scalia was quoting his own reasoning from Lawrence v. Texas when the court had struck down the sodomy law in Texas and he had been in the minority against it.

Mike felt a sharp aching behind his temple. He unconsciously rubbed it to ease the pain and concentrate on something else than his racing heart. This was too much. He could not deal with this any longer. His entire body seemed to scream for release. A self-preserving impulse eventually made him get up. It would not end well if he stayed; he’d eventually explode and scream at this man and everyone else at the table for calmly discussing his private life, deciding about his fate while having tartes au chocolate and chardonnay. He held his head and tried to say as calmly as possible, “Please excuse me, I’ve been suffering from a bit of a headache all day and I guess the wine wasn’t the best idea to cure that one…”

Scalia laughed, “Oh, I usually try scotch; it helps - for the moment.” He rose to his feet and shook Mike’s hand who did everything in his power to not pull back but smile at him, “Mister Ross, it’s been a pleasure meeting you. You’ll undoubtedly have quite a career ahead of you.” _Many Americans do not want persons who openly engage in homosexual conduct as partners._

Rachel stood up as well but Mike shook his head, “Darling, it’s okay, I’ll take a cab home, you enjoy yourself. I’ll just take a pill and go to sleep.” She looked at him and mouthed ‘are you sure?’ but he nodded, all he wanted right now was some time alone to process all the things he had to endure tonight.

“Jessica, Harvey,” he briefly bowed in their direction and dared to look Harvey in the eyes for a tiny second. He could tell he was worried.

Before he knew it, Mike was sitting in a cab back home to Brooklyn. He was angry with himself for not having been able to stay that little bit longer; leaving in the middle of desserts must have come across extremely unprofessional. Nevertheless, it was for the better. The wine would have made him say things that could have cost him their case, so pulling the plug had been wise. He just hoped Jessica did not regret asking him along now… Mike reached for his phone and sent a short text message to Harvey.

_I’m sorry. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. On my way home. ‘Enjoy’ the rest of the night._

Mike stared out of the window and tried to get rid of the lump in his throat. The wine had made him sensitive and teary-eyed. He hadn’t cried much since his parents had died, it’s almost as if he used up all his tears. That, or it was a form of self-protection. The last time he had allowed himself to be that weak was when Grammy had passed away but that had been about family. This wasn’t. So one thing was for sure: He definitely would not start now. Not over this asshole. Still, he was entitled to feel sad. So incredibly sad.

About fifteen minutes later, he was almost home by now, his phone lit up.

_Excused myself to the bathroom to make sure you’re okay. He is an asshole and none of the things he said are true. Don’t believe a word he said, rookie. Okay? I’ll call you when I get out of here. x_

Mike smiled and inhaled slowly and deeply. Harvey was perfect. He knew him scarily well! Mike drove the last bit of the way attempting to keep his shit together. When he arrived at his apartment, he quickly paid and made his way upstairs, hoping that the familiar surroundings would calm him down. He opened the door, turned on the light, kicked off his shoes and walked into the kitchen.

Water? Milk? No. Mike grabbed a bottle of beer - to hell with the ‘don’t mix wine and beer’ rule - and sat down in the living room floor with his back against the couch to look at the Eddy Joaquim he hadn’t actively noticed in months. Right now, it was reassuring and familiar and reminded him of the evening Harvey had brought it as a flat warming gift.

Mike did not know for how long he had been sitting there, numbly staring at the shadow and light composition as a form of meditation to will the depressive thoughts away, when his phone rang. He blindly reached for it, answered it and held it to his ear.

“Are you okay?” Harvey’s gentle voice shook something up inside him he had tried to will to sleep for the past… what? 30 Minutes?

“Yes… No… I don’t know,” Mike rambled; his voice shook with emotions. No crying over this! Scalia had done and said exactly the things he had anticipated, so he should not feel as insulted and low as he did. Maybe it was the combination of the toast to a fake relationship and his comments on gays that had rubbed him up the wrong way.

“Listen, Ray just picked me up. If you don’t mind, I would really like to see you now,” Harvey replied sounding half business- and half private-Harvey. Suppressing his real thoughts had probably messed with him as well; he was still on work mode. At least a tiny bit.

“Harvey, if you have Ray drive you all the way to my place after what just happened, that’s basically an outing,” Mike pointed out the obvious and heard Harvey inhale deeply. He seemingly had not considered that. Which was unlike him. He would hate nothing more than Harvey doing something irrational right now because he knew that Mike was upset and regretting it later. He did have a tendency for throwing his own principles overboard when things got heated and Mike had to look out for him right now.

“True,” he replied before he whispered the second part to make sure that Ray was not listening to that bit of the conversation, “Okay, give me 20 more minutes, I’ll swap vehicles.” Mike felt cared for and that sent a warm feeling through his system. He wrapped his arm around his pulled up knees and smiled calmly, “Alright. See you in a bit.”

When the doorbell rang a little later, Mike scrambled to his feet and put the beer bottle on the table; it was still the first one and only half-empty. He greeted Harvey quietly, after that dinner he didn’t know what to say. Normally, he was pretty confident and standing up for himself but tonight, he felt vulnerable and both of them sensed that. Weirdly enough, Harvey did not seem as hurt as him - Scalia had also disregarded him with his little speech. Maybe it was different when you knew that you were at least part of this society and had been with women (and therefore ‘normal’) in the past.

Harvey looked at him with open concern and took a step in his direction, whispering, “Come here…” He wrapped his arms tenderly around his body and pulled him into a tight embrace, not letting go until Mike had gone completely soft in his arms and let go of all the tension he had harbored since he’d known about the dinner.

They both pulled back a little but only enough so they could kiss before Mike leaned his forehead against Harvey’s and muttered quietly, “Thank you.” He was so glad not having to be on his own anymore. “I don’t know why he got to me like that,” Mike admitted and swallowed down tears burning in his throat. He was determined not to cry over this. That was not a satisfaction he would give him.

“He said a couple of very hurtful things, I had to bite my tongue so many times tonight to not tell him off for it,” Harvey pointed out. He sounded just as exhausted as Mike was and slowly guided them towards the ‘bedroom’, “Come on… let’s just… try to catch some sleep. It’s been a long day.”

Mike nodded and let Harvey take over. He did not want to make any decisions tonight; all he wanted was a confirmation that he was indeed good the way he was. Harvey first quickly slid out of his clothes and then helped Mike with his and before he knew it, they were lying under the covers and Mike’s head rested on Harvey’s chest while his hair was caressed lovingly. It was that gesture that took away the rest of Mike’s defenses; he let out a strangled sigh that could have easily been mistaken for a sob.

He was tired. So, so tired. Of being different. Of fighting society. Of being denied basic rights. Of having to watch out who he was flirting with because people could easily feel offended if they were not gay. Of hiding. Just of fucking everything. To some people he would always be scum and demanding unreasonable things that offended other people’s religious feelings. Him _loving_ someone else, him _being happy_ upset others. He would always have to look over his shoulders to not insult others simply by being himself, wouldn’t he? He would never ever get over that.

If he had a choice, days like these would make him give up. They made him understand why bisexuals kept that part of themselves hidden for good. Mike was so thankful that Harvey had taken the risk and given up his easy life to walk in his shoes. To be with him. He felt so much gratitude for having him in his life. Harvey never stopped caressing his hair; he put the other arm around Mike’s torso and kept him close to himself, whispering, “I wanted to punch him in the face for hurting you…” From the tone of his voice, Mike knew that he meant it. There was no doubt about it; those were not just empty words.

“Now that would have been counterproductive,” Mike tried to joke but it sounded a little pathetic to his own ears because his voice was raspy and low. He felt the little chuckle he got in response tickle his cheek and smiled relieved. The tears he had fought stubbornly for the past hour or so finally disappeared for good and he celebrated the tiny victory by kissing Harvey’s chest.

They lay in silence for a while and Mike only knew that Harvey was still awake from the movement of his hand in his hair. He wanted to talk about the fact that he was upset. Wanted to explain it. Why after all these years of bullying, tonight had almost managed to break him down. The words were floating around in his head but he could not catch them. It was almost as if he was thinking in a foreign language that he did not understand himself.

“Try to sleep, rookie,” Harvey murmured barely audible, “It’s alright…” Could this man read his thoughts? Mike was astounded yet another time but he sighed deeply and nodded against his chest. He loved the way Harvey called him ‘rookie’. It had always been his term of endearment but since they started seeing each other even more so. It felt different. And he hoped he would never swap it to a ‘baby’ or ‘babe’ or ‘darling’. He wanted to be Harvey’s rookie forever.

“Goodnight, Harv… Thanks. For everything,” he kissed his chest and concentrated on the safe feeling of being held and loved.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the gorgeous feedback so far, it's a pleasure posting when I receive such positive comments. xxx 
> 
> PS: Still no beta for this one, so if you find anything, please let me know!

When Mike woke up the next morning, he felt like being run over by a truck. His head ached, all power was drained from his body and even without having said the first word, he could tell his mood was still fragile. It was coming down from an incredibly bad trip. He stretched carefully and was greeted by a mellow “Good morning. How are you feeling?”. When he opened his eyes, he saw Harvey sitting in bed next to him, scrolling through his phone.

“Are you working already?” He was well aware of not having answered the question but last night had hit him harder than he had expected and he did not want Harvey to worry about him more than he already did. Over the past few weeks and months, they had established a somewhat healthy relationship and he knew that he could always count on Harvey just as much as he tried to be there for him in return. Still, he did not want Harvey to fuzz over him right now. Scalia should not win; he did not want to give him any more space in his head than absolutely necessary.

“Looking for holiday destinations,” Harvey replied casually, “I promised you I’d take care of it once the dinner was done.” Mike smiled, such a Harvey thing to do; he definitely did not waste any time.

“So what have you come up with?” Mike turned on his side and propped his head up on his elbow, thankful about the immediate distraction.

“I googled gay friendly holiday destinations - how does Puerto Vallarta sound?” Harvey inquired and actually managed to make Mike laugh, “I thought you wanted to stay in the closet, Harv. If you book us flights to Puerto Vallarta, you could just as well make a public announcement in the New York Times.”

Harvey grinned back at him, “Really? That bad? ...and don’t call me Harv!!!”

“Worse! And I can always call you dude instead, if you prefer,” Mike winked. Harvey leaned over him and nudged him teasingly while he still held onto his cell with his free hand. He made Mike squirm under his touch and attacked him mercilessly until he pleaded, “Stop. Please. Don’t.”

“No dude, no Harv!” Harvey pointed out once more and bit lightly into his neck, “Are we clear?”

Mike moaned quietly and whined, “No hickeys!!! Goddamn, you’re worse than a teenager… Where have all your privacy concerns gone?” He shivered from the touch and scratched Harvey’s bare back in return, panting heavily.

“I can’t help it…” Harvey smirked and gnawed on his earlobe now, causing Mike to curse under his breath.

“But seriously, you need to work on this. I feel like I’m the only one making sure you’re not being outed by accident. Yesterday for example. Ray. You’re too carefree about it. - God, am I really saying this?” Mike wondered when he had turned into such a paranoid human being but Harvey looked at him with this special something in his eyes and replied honestly, “I appreciate it, Mike. Because it shows how much you respect my decision. It’s selfless. Yesterday, all I could think of was getting to you as quickly as I could. I didn’t even consider how it could look.”

So now they were talking about yesterday anyway. _Careful, Mike, you’re about to spoil the mood._ “I’m used to these games. Sometimes, I still mess things up - like when I told Brendan you’re my partner. I know you said it was okay and that you understood because I buried my grandmother that day but that was not cool. Outing someone else without their explicit consent is not cool,” he paused and made sure that Harvey understood how sorry he still felt about that. When he nodded, Mike continued “It’ll get easier, you’ll learn what to say, how to say it and what to leave out to not make people suspicious, speaking about your significant other without actually using a personal pronoun. You’ll be surprised how little people actually notice. You’ll learn to talk about ‘your partner’ rather than your ‘boyfriend’,” Mike realized he was rambling and pulled Harvey down for a kiss first, then he looked at him and grinned like a boy, “...and where to go on holidays.” He winked and reached for the phone.

Amsterdam. Sydney. Gran Canaria. Ibiza. Miami. San Francisco.

“Okay, definitely none of those. Almost all too far away. If we both go on a trip and people realize we’re in the same completely different time zone, it will be way too suspicious,” Mike scrolled through the options expertly, “San Fran is out of question, not enough water under the bridge to bump into Brendan that soon again. Miami is too dangerous right now, I don’t want us to have awkward encounters with a client that has a subsidiary there. Or a holiday home.”

Harvey watched Mike with a soft expression on his face that left him a little baffled, “...what?”

“Nothing… I’m just amazed by how enthusiastically you are dissecting holiday locations for their outing factor. Considering how active you are in the community and all the hell you’ve given me for not wanting to be out,” Harvey replied openly.

Mike arched his back so he could reach Harvey better and kissed him in return, “I respect your wish, that’s all. You know… Last night made me realize the extent of the sacrifice you’re making for me. That you are willing to step out of the heterosexual world and give this a shot.”

“It’s not a sacrifice, I happen to get a lot in return,” Harvey looked angry now and Mike was aware that his emotions were not directed at him but at Antonin Scalia for even making Mike feel this way. He ran his fingertips along Harvey’s arm and replied warmly, “Thank you for saying that. I do have a feeling I’m dragging you to the dark side…” “Do you have cookies?” Harvey tried to lighten the mood before he pointed at the phone, “So, Mister Gay Travels, where should we go?”

Mike shook his head. Talking to Harvey about these type of things was still a bit like fencing, he had to be quick on his feet not to lose the conversation right after it began. He knew how to distract and sometimes Mike let him but behind all those layers of joking and subject changes, he could tell Harvey was insecure about the developments in his life. He embraced them, he definitely had feelings for Mike and was willing to fight for them but they would have to take small steps. Which was okay. All this was okay for mornings like these.

“Montevideo maybe? I heard that Uruguay is pretty progressive but it’s not known for gay travels. At least not yet. Or…” Mike scrolled through the travel options, “... Cuba isn’t on here but I heard they don’t discriminate tourists, so that’s always an option. Puerto Rico? Curaçao? I want a beach.”

Harvey took the phone out of Mike’s hand without a warning and put it on his nightstand. “Hey…” Mike protested until Harvey crawled on top of him - oh yes, he definitely liked to be an alpha male - and grinned, “And I want to watch you walk around half-naked, so that’s definitely a win-win.”

Mike tilted his head, “Only if I get to see the same. Harvey Specter in swim gear - do you wear speedos?”

“Oh, you’d like to know, don’t you?” Harvey pinned his hands down and rolled his hips against Mike’s, causing him to gasp but this time, Mike knew better, “Oh, don’t you dare… I won’t make the same mistake twice…” He gathered all his strength and wrestled Harvey down who laughed naughtily, “Oh dammit, I’m such a one trick pony, ain’t I?” Mike reached for his crotch and stroked his member through the fabric of his briefs, whispering naughtily, “Don’t worry, pony, I’ll teach you some more. And if you behave, I might even ride you…”

When Mike got out of bed, Harvey groaned as soon as he noticed the prominent tent and threw a pillow in his direction. Mike grinned like the cheeky bastard he was and winked, “Gotcha. Payback time…” before he left for the shower.

But he hadn’t taken alpha male Specter into account who suddenly snug up behind him, twisted him around and shoved him against the next wall, crashing his lips and teeth against his and rubbing up against him, “Not so fast…” Mike’s eyes widened and he moaned deeply into Harvey’s mouth. As his knees went weak, he knew he had lost.

“Work…?” he reminded Harvey with tiny voice but when he felt Harvey’s knee rubbing against his groin, he threw his head back and held onto Harvey’s shoulders with trembling hands.

“Who’s going to work?” Harvey teased Mike mercilessly while he kept increasing the friction with his knee.

“We are…?” Mike tried, God, how did he know all this stuff? Why was he so good at it? That was not how things were supposed to go, he was supposed to teach Harvey, not the other way around.

“I don’t see you taking that shower yet…” Harvey chuckled softly and damn, was that sound sexy.

“Because someone is stopping me,” Mike pointed out the obvious while he let his hands wander down and squeeze Harvey’s ass, making him gasp in surprise as well. He, too, could play dirty if he had to!

“Oh, I’m sure your boss will give you hell for being late, kid,” Harvey attacked Mike’s throat and sucked hard on it and Mike whined quietly, “Harveeey, no hickey...” but by now he was past caring. He would definitely have to make sure not to unbutton his shirt at work today, that one would absolutely leave a bruise.

“You love it.”

“I do…” Mike gave in, oh what the hell. How could he not give in? He massaged Harvey’s ass cheeks and pulled him close against his crotch, so their tents were rubbing against each other, making both men moan simultaneously.

“We will be late for that initial meeting with… Florentine Whittaker…” Mike pointed out while he slid his hands inside Harvey’s briefs and ran his index finger teasingly along his crack, something that Harvey answered with a surprised but pleased whimper.

“Christ… you’re right, let’s be quick…” Harvey muttered, his face was flushed and he was so horny that his look alone could almost drive Mike over the edge. They quickly pulled their briefs down to their knees and took each other’s erections into their hands, Mike’s other hand reached up to Harvey’s neck as he pulled his face as close as physically possible when he started kissing him as if there was no tomorrow. They jerked each other off rapidly, there was nothing gentle about it, nothing loving but their kiss, that kiss was quite something else.

Mike was the first one to come, he moaned deeply into Harvey’s mouth who thrusted hard into his hand and left a scratch mark on Mike’s chest the moment he was over the edge as well. They both started laughing at the way they turned each other on and Mike pulled Harvey into the bathroom with him, “We don’t have much time, let’s shower together.”

Harvey shook his head in amusement, “You think it’s a good idea? I really don’t know how to keep my hands to myself…”

Mike shrugged and suggested, “How about you put your hands on that wall and I will soap you up. And if you take them away, you won’t have any fun with me tonight?”

Harvey turned and shook his head, “That is not gonna happen. One: I’m pretty sure we will have fun tonight, no matter if I keep my hands to myself and two: That little game might actually be catering to a kink I would most likely enjoy a little too much right now…”

Mike raised his eyebrows, “Hear, hear, Harvey Specter has kinks.”

“Don’t act all surprised… Maybe I can teach you a thing or two myself,” he turned on the shower and reached out for Mike’s hand to invite him in.

“So you’re not a one trick pony after all,” Mike pointed out, not that he had expected that - if anything, he was amazed by the fact that Harvey had just admitted he’d enjoy Mike dominating him a little. Interesting...

“Not really. But if you behave, I might still let you ride me.”

***

As it turned out, going on holidays ‘straight after that dinner’ became a bit of an illusion. When they had started making plans and looking into actual destinations - for real, not just to dream a little dream of running away together - Harvey had been busy trying to stop the merger between Pearson Hardman and Darby from happening. That trip suddenly seemed VERY far away. And when he even made name partner in the process, Mike began to wonder if it would ever happen.

Nevertheless, he supported Harvey all the way, these were important changes and seeing the name ‘Specter’ up on that wall when he came to work filled him with pride. If anyone deserved it, it was Harvey. They had talked about the maneuver a lot, Harvey had lost many nights of sleep trying to figure out what to do. He did not want to ambush Jessica but sitting back and letting this merger he did not believe in happen - it just wasn’t him. So they went to war and it almost shred the firm to pieces in the process.

Before they knew it, six months had passed and both of them needed that holiday more than anything. Work was slowly beginning to take its toll on their relationship, no matter how hard they tried not to take potential disagreements of how to deal with the merger home. Mike was still as crazy about Harvey as he had been since day one and he knew that once they could leave all the troubles behind, they would have wonderful holidays. Therefore, throughout this turmoil, they had held on tight and counted the days for their joint time off to finally happen. Now that the biggest storm had passed, it was time.

Harvey actually claiming that he needed a holiday had not thrown Donna as much off track as it normally would have done. Everyone could tell how drained he was. He snapped at associates for the smallest reasons and was impatient and unjust. So when he had told his secretary that he’d spend the week abroad, not to be contacted under any circumstances, she wasn’t suspicious. More relieved really.

And when he casually mentioned Mike should use the opportunity to also go on a little vacation, nobody seemed to notice his unusual consideration. Maybe Mike was just a great actor when they were standing at Donna’s desk and Harvey almost casually told him that their cases would rest for a while and he should go see the sun and come back with a better mood. He pulled off his best surprised face and beamed all over his face (the surprise was fake – the joy wasn’t!).

Well, everyone knew that they had been shouting at each other an awful lot over the past few weeks. People assumed they just needed to spend some time apart after being pretty much in each other’s faces all day, while they tried to convince clients to stay and make sure that the firm was not going down. 

It was normal, right? Whether you’re working in a law firm closing deals or in marketing right before the revelation of a new campaign or in a tech company about to launch a new product - during those last few days at work, everyone started to shred each other to pieces. Harvey and Mike had not been any different but as soon as they got home, they tried to put it all behind them and enjoy the time they spent together. So far, it all worked out but by now, they both felt the tension creeping up inside of them. Therefore, this trip came at exactly the right time.

Boarding the same plane individually gave the whole thing a bit of a ‘secret mission’ feeling. They both made sure not to sit together, but just knowing that the other person was somewhere close - that felt important. It was impossible that Harvey had his eyes on him but it surely felt that way and made Mike grin. He had insisted on at least buying the tickets for his own flights because he knew that Harvey was not the type of person to let them stay in a three star hotel and he would refuse to let him pay just one dime. So he was sitting in economy class while Harvey was somewhere in business class. That way no client that could possibly be on board would notice what was going on. Not the dumbest idea really.

At their stopover in Miami, they carefully avoided seeing each other - which was possibly a paranoid decision but the last thing Mike wanted was to start the holidays with an involuntary outing, so when they finally got off at their final destination in Willemstad, Mike was giddy with nerves and excitement. One week. Just the two of them.

He spotted Harvey at the baggage belt and approached him, beaming all over his face - if anyone recognized them here, that’d be destiny, he decided and wrapped his arms around Harvey’s waist, “Hey you… I feel like a super spy trying to ditch the cops.”

Harvey grinned, “Story of your life, isn’t it?” and stared into his eyes. They were in public. And Harvey did not hide his feelings. There were no words to express what that meant to Mike. He asked quietly, “May I kiss you?” not wanting to overwhelm him here and now.

“Of course you may,” Harvey replied and actually initiated the kiss, looking so much younger and at ease than in New York. Curaçao suited him. His hair was not gelled up, he wore khaki shorts and a black polo shirt and seemed like a different person altogether. When they turned around because the belt started moving, Mike took Harvey’s hand in his and looked at his face to make sure it was okay. Harvey nodded briefly and did not pull away. - Couldn’t they just stay here for good? All the things that used to be normal for Mike slowly clicked back into place and he soaked it all up, pretty certain that after this week he would have to do without it again.

“That’s yours,” Harvey pointed at the gray sports bag currently passing them and Mike asked surprised, “How did you know?” He shrugged, “I guess I saw it at your place…” Mike chuckled; he had not considered him to be this observant. Harvey’s was easy to spot: It was the most exclusive, brown leather duffle bag, very classy. He definitely traveled in style. They gathered their belongings and made their way out of the building, never letting go of each other’s hands.

The shuttle service was already waiting outside and Mike stared at a grinning Harvey and asked him incredulously, “Babe, where is he taking us?” He had not expected a three star hotel, alright, but this man looked posh, he wore white gloves in the Caribbean sun.

“I decided you deserved to be spoiled a little, after everything I’ve put you through,” Harvey said calmly and added almost cutely, “So are you going for ‘babe’ now?”

Mike blushed and bit his lip. He had been so impressed by all this madness that he hadn’t even noticed, “Hey, I’m not allowed to call you dude. Or Harv. Is ‘babe’ also on the list of forbidden endearments?”

Harvey laughed and nudged him, “I’m just winding you up. You call me any name you like, rookie. - Oh, apart from dude. Dude is forbidden.”

Mike joined in on the laughter and climbed into the limousine waiting to take them to their new home - which turned out to be a luxury resort at a lagoon. When they got to their final destination, Mike had troubles closing his mouth. This was insane. Harvey had lost his mind. It must have cost a fortune. They were guided into their suite that had a private pool and terrace with view over the beach where the sun was slowly setting.

“Harvey, I can’t accept this,” Mike shook his head in awe as soon as they were on their own and when his partner turned up with two glasses of French champagne, he looked at him with a spark in his eyes.

“I think you just did,” Harvey pointed out and winked, handed him one of the glasses and raised his own, “Thank you, Mike. For being understanding and kind. Patient and wonderful. I know that we’ve only been dating for about half a year but… I want to spoil you this week, okay? Don’t worry about the money, we work so much - especially lately - and it comes at a great cost. For both of us. I also know that for you it’s harder.”

Mike understood that Harvey was not just talking about the workload over the past couple of weeks and months that had put their relationship to the test. This was about keeping it a secret. He looked at him and nodded quietly, waiting for him to continue.

“I see how much you’re struggling and I promised you it won’t be forever. I will stick to that promise. There must be a way to change things, especially now that I’m name partner. But until they do, please trust me that I am proud to be with you. Even though I can’t show it in public.”

Mike’s smile had grown wider and wider at the last part. It did not feel like Harvey was buying him or his loyalty. He was not doing this as some kind of consolation prize. He believed him when he said he wanted things to change and would do something about their current situation. Mike put the two glasses aside even though they had hardly taken a sip and cupped Harvey’s face with his hands, “You didn’t have to do this. Trust me, I know… All of that. But… Thank you.” He brushed his lips over Harvey’s.

He stared into Harvey’s eyes; this was almost too good to be true. Things like these did not happen to people like him. “So, is this the honeymoon suite?” Mike asked to lighten the mood; it suddenly all felt so important. So weighty. He briefly gave Harvey an Eskimo kiss and made him smirk in return.

“Don’t worry, it’s not. And it isn’t the romantic pool suite either, that just sounded too cheesy. This is the superior beach suite, I believe. All I wanted was a private pool…”

“For skinny dipping!” Mike exclaimed excitedly and Harvey laughed, “God, you’re such a puppy sometimes…”

“Well, if I’m the puppy, then you’re sure as hell my sugar daddy. I mean, look at this place…” Mike spun around and stretched his arms out to demonstrate how insane all this luxury was.

“I knew it, he just wants me for the money,” Harvey announced dramatically and Mike nudged him, “Careful, daddy, or I’ll throw you into the pool.”

“Don’t you dare, I’m not even wearing my speedos…” Harvey grinned all over his face. Those laugh lines would always, _always_ make Mike’s heart melt.

“I think I’ll need to explain the concept of skinny dipping to you, Harvey,” Mike grinned and ruffled his hair, “But before I do, I’ll take a quick shower, this place makes me feel even filthier than I am after that long flight…”

“Trust me, I don’t mind a filthy you at all.”

“Why am I not surprised?” Mike rolled his eyes and rummaged in his bag until he had found a clean shirt and boxers and pecked Harvey briefly, “Be right back.”

They both settled in, feeling exhausted from the flight. All they wanted to do that night was being lazy and Mike was so happy that Harvey was on the same page because even though he always wanted this man, he was not sure he was physically able that night. So instead, they had taken two pillows from their lounge chairs and made themselves comfortable on their wooden private terrace, lying on their backs and staring into the stars while they held hands and grinned stupidly to themselves because it just felt so right.

“Harvey…?”

“Hmmmm….”

“We’re such a cliché right now, you know that, right?”

“Hmmmm….”

“But I don’t mind….”

“Hmmmm….”

“You do mind?”

“No… ‘hmmmm, I don’t mind’” Harvey sounded sleepy, he was about to drift off, Mike could tell. After a couple of minutes, the breathing next to him turned even. They should go to bed; tomorrow, they would regret this. He whispered one last time.

“Harvey…?”

But there was no reply.

He smiled to himself and gnawed on his bottom lip before he let out a content sigh, “I love you…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this turned out a little cheezy towards the end. I know that it's quite a cliché - but so do Marvey ;)) Hope it's not toooo sugar sweet. Just thought they deserved a break for a while...


	14. Chapter 14

Curaçao treated them well. Harvey had not just booked them the best resort he could have possibly found, he had also made sure they were treated like kings. Breakfast in bed, a fresh fruit platter every morning, private picnic on the beach, massages — nobody had ever pampered Mike like that and it took him a couple of days to not constantly repeat he didn’t deserve and therefore couldn’t accept it.

“You do, rookie. And you can.”

“But Harvey…”

“Are you questioning my judgment?”

“Just a little.”

At some point he simply gave in to the fact that Harvey wanted to spoil him rotten and began to relax completely and enjoy every minute of it. They spent hours lounging around enjoying the sun and each other’s company, went out for drinks, cruised around the island and took diving classes but more than anything, they were just themselves. 

Mike could not remember the last time he had been so at ease with his life, and he did not want this to end. The long walks along the beach were extra special because they could hold hands. Their dinner dates in romantic restaurants seemed so perfect because they could just let out the loved up couple feelings they had hidden for so long. In short: They could live a normal life without having to look over their shoulders to be sure that nobody was watching and judging them. Every new day gave Mike more hope that things could be different when they returned to New York. 

However, their holidays could not last forever. Before they knew it, they sat on their shuttle back to the airport and even though Mike did not want to kill their perfect mood by being sentimental, it almost felt like a goodbye. He kissed Harvey lovingly as they boarded their plane and asked quietly, “So, this is it? Back to hiding?” and Harvey nodded regretfully before replying subdued “I’m so sorry, Mike…” 

On their trip back to normality, Mike could not sleep. He almost wished they had not spent this wonderful, perfect, beautiful time together because having that taken away again was painful. Mike had underestimated the longing that immediately settled in his stomach and tried to distract himself by watching movies on the in-flight entertainment system but in reality, he did not catch any of the stories. Fuck, he hated this. So. Much. 

Miami.  
Stopover.  
He saw Harvey queuing at Starbucks and had to do everything in his power to not just join him there, take his hand in his and kiss him in front of all these strangers the way he had done over the past couple of days. He needed to take his mind off things, or he would go insane. 

This whole stopover was brutal! Mike sat down in a quiet corner and busied himself checking e-mails on his phone. If he was not allowed to enjoy Harvey’s company anymore, he could at least do something useful. That way he would not be overwhelmed with work as soon as he set foot into their office again. 

Harvey seemed to be doing the same because there were a couple of new messages in his inbox, all unbearably professional and short, and he wanted to hit the reply button and type ‘I’M SITTING NOT EVEN TEN FEET AWAY FROM YOU, MOVE YOUR SORRY ASS OVER HERE AND FUCKING STAND UP FOR YOURSELF. FOR ME. I’M ANGRY. I’M UPSET. I NEED A HUG.’ What he wrote instead was

_’On it first thing tomorrow morning, just got back but I already got an idea how to go about this.’_

Harvey briefly looked up from his phone in his direction and flashed him a sad smile. Screw that smile! — Fucking hell, what had happened to his mood? He had been so considerate and understanding when the holidays had started and now all he wanted was to jump Harvey and make out with him in front of everyone to let them know that they were an item. And that it was alright that they were. 

He had not anticipated what happened next. Harvey put his phone away and came straight over. He sat down next to him and acted surprised, “Hey! I had no idea you were here!” 

Oh… That was how he wanted to play it now? Very believable… 

Mike was too weak right now to point that out, his “Hey” came out depleted and sad. Definitely not the reaction that Harvey had expected, he had wanted to go for the charming approach but could tell that was not in order right now. That's when Harvey reached for his hand and made him turn his head in surprise. He looked at Mike openly, his emotions, too, were all over the place, “Screw that…” and pulled him close for a kiss, “I was dying to do that ever since I saw you sitting here…” 

“But…” Mike pressed out.

“We’re not in New York yet. This counts as holidays,” Harvey stated stubbornly. High risk gambling — as always. 

Mike was tired of fighting against this for both of them. If this was how Harvey wanted to play it, alright, he wouldn’t object. He rested his forehead against Harvey’s and whispered, “I’ll miss you so much.” He sighed painfully. 

“Don’t make this more difficult than it is,” Harvey urged and Mike just shrugged and locked lips with Harvey’s again. How could his partner be like that? Was it because he had never lived in the open in his own city so it was easy to tell holidays and ordinary life apart? 

“It hurts,” Mike confessed, “Going back now… It hurts. Last week was everything I’ve ever wanted. We could have that, you know? If you allowed yourself to be who you are. If you stood up for yourself. Our life in New York, the sneaking around, not being able to just kiss you or to even hold your hand. It makes me feel ashamed. As if we’re doing something dirty. Harvey, I’m… not sure how to do this anymore. Can you. Can we… work something out? At least outside Pearson Darby Specter until you know what to do about the firm?” His voice sounded urgent. It was a lot more difficult than he had foreseen.

Harvey sighed and asked honestly, “What do you want me to do?”

“This? Kissing me in public?” Mike sounded like a lost child now before he swallowed and cleared his throat, “God, sorry. I guess I’m just tired…” 

He paused for a moment and tried to gather his thoughts. They should probably talk about this in private but right now he was just so drained, “I don’t know. Come with me to The Center. Everyone there will be like-minded, they will understand you’re not… used to the exposure and won’t treat you any differently. If straight people ask you what you’re doing there, you can always say you’re around for a case…” 

He fumbled with his hands, still trying to get all those thoughts out he had fought back all this time. He shrugged insecurely and suggested, “Or, I don’t know, go out with me… There are areas in town where I don’t expect clients — and if they are there, I’m sure they wouldn’t want to be talked about either, so they wouldn’t tell anyone. Just. Small things. Anything.” 

Where had all this despair hidden over the past year? This holiday surely had brought it to the surface and it all seemed so pressing now. Harvey ran the back of his hand along Mike’s face who let his eyes fall shut and leaned into the touch. They sat in silence for a moment, not realizing that the world around them was still turning, until Harvey exhaled slowly and nodded, “Okay.”

Mike opened his eyes in surprise, “Okay?”

“Okay,” Harvey swallowed hard and elaborated, “I hate to see what it does to you. It makes me sick to my stomach to put you through this. We will need to work out what we can and what we can’t do in town but… I enjoyed this week as much as you did and refuse to pretend it never happened. It was all I ever wanted. You’re right. We should not be ashamed. We will work this out.”

As if he wanted to confirm his statement, he kissed Mike again and whispered against his lips, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you. That will end. Now.” His eyes showed the determination of the man that Mike had fallen in love with. He believed him and trusted every word he said. “Let’s grab some lunch before the connecting flight takes off, okay?” he suggested and pulled Mike to his feet. When they both were standing, Harvey did not let go of his hand.

***

It wasn’t as if someone had turned a switch and Harvey was all over Mike in public as soon as they arrived in New York City — but fair enough, the risk to bump into a client was way too high at the airport. Mike felt a little better now; he had slept a bit on the plane and calmed down. Even better he felt when as soon as they were in the taxi, Harvey reached firmly for his hand, not caring about the driver or anyone on the streets who might see them. He took him straight to his place and didn’t waste any time to lead him to the bedroom.

“You’re the only person I want to be with. You know that, right?” Harvey mumbled against his skin as he showered him with butterfly kisses and undressed him quickly in the desperate attempt to show Mike that he meant every word he’d just said. 

“I know,” Mike replied huskily and hastily pulled on Harvey’s clothes, damning his own clumsy hands for not cooperating the way he wanted them to. 

“Do you really?” Harvey insisted as he pushed Mike down and pressed his lips demandingly on Mike’s and staring at him with urgency. 

“Promise. I was tired, Harvey. Not of you. Of the situation. Because I love you and I want the whole damn world to know,” he realized what he had said when he saw Harvey’s facial expression soften to something delicate and tender. Mike gnawed on his lip almost shyly and cocked his head as he returned the gaze. 

“You’re so perfect,” Harvey whispered and shook his head slightly, “I’m such a lucky bastard…” Mike shivered. He didn’t quite know how to react. This was almost too much to take - but on the other hand just what he needed right now. Harvey started caressing him and whispered, “Just lay still, let me do this…” he moved down on him and Mike had no other word for it than ‘worship’. Harvey kissed, caressed, touched him in such a gentle way that Mike forgot to breathe for a moment. 

“Harvey, I... “ 

“Shhhh….” Harvey put his index finger on Mike’s lips, “I got you…”

Mike sucked his finger into his mouth and twirled his tongue around it, provoking a tiny moan from Harvey’s lips. He smiled when a second finger was added, and then, after a moment of hesitation and possibly contemplation a third one. Oh, he had a vague idea where this was going and just let it happen. 

When Harvey pulled his fingers out and looked at him, Mike pointed out caringly, “You don’t have to do this. Remember what I said…”

“I do remember. But I also seem to recollect you said you liked it,” Harvey replied with a smile, “And I also remember you were pretty adamant about the fact it ’s not always me who’s calling the shots.”

Mike grinned. He knew exactly why Harvey did this but he was a grown man and there was no way on earth he was going to talk him out of this one. 

“Correct me if I do this completely wrong,” Harvey pointed out before he ran his index finger along Mike’s crack. _Oh God, yes._

As with pretty much everything else, Harvey seemed to be a natural. The fact that he did not even know it made it so much hotter. Mike just loved that shy look on him that he had never seen anywhere else than in this bedroom whenever Mike taught him something new. It was special and precious and turned him on so much more than was possibly healthy.

“Yes, just like that,” he encouraged Harvey when he slid one, then two and then three fingers in his hole - first carefully, then a little more daring. He was usually more of a top if he was honest but right now he couldn’t care less. This was special, he knew how much aversion Harvey had had towards this topic in the past and for him to suggest this, to actually go for it - incredible. Mike moaned when Harvey hit his prostate and muttered, “Fuck, right there…” 

“I think we need lube?” Harvey stated with a doubtful tone in his voice - as if he knew how this worked but suddenly wasn’t sure anymore. Mike nodded excitedly and admitted, “I have some - in your nightstand.” 

Harvey smirked and sat up, still sliding his fingers in and out of Mike’s hole, widening him in the process, “Always prepared, hmm?”

“Of course, and see, comes in handy already…” Mike winked and leaned up to kiss Harvey before he reached over and opened the drawer, taking it out. 

“Okay, this is my part,” Mike propped himself up on his elbows and motioned for Harvey to open the tube. He held one hand up and let Harvey squeeze the liquid onto his palm before looking into his eyes, wrapping his hand around Harvey’s hard cock and stroking him slowly. Harvey’s eyes rolled back and he moaned deeply, muttering swear words under his breath. Then he showed Harvey how to prepare him thoroughly and guided his fingers in again, widening him just the tiny bit more and spreading some lube inside him, all the while looking deeply into his eyes to spot any signs of discomfort. There were none.

“Good to go,” Mike smiled and lay back again, he explained calmly “I find the easiest way for you to reach is when I put my legs over your shoulders. That way it stretches a little. Okay?”

Harvey nodded in concentration and positioned himself between his legs before Mike pulled them up and smoothly did as he had said. He smiled and reached for Harvey’s arm, “Come a little closer… Yes, like that.” 

_Fucking hell, you’re great at this._ Mike kept most of his thoughts to himself right now, he felt the need to stay on top of the game. This was Harvey’s first time inside another man, he could not screw this up. Even though he didn’t let himself go the way he normally would, he was overcome by desire and pleasure. 

“This okay? I’m not hurting you?” Harvey asked doubtfully as he entered him and began moving tentatively. Mike reached for Harvey’s upper arm again, grabbed it and pulled him close, kissing him before he replied lovingly, “Perfect. You’re doing great. May I guide you?” Harvey was usually the more dominant person who knew what he wanted and how to get it. He was a natural top - even though Mike had made sure that they switched, not only in bed but in their relationship in general. Right now, he still felt the need to ask if this was okay, he didn’t want to force Harvey into doing something he wasn’t ready for. He didn’t have all those years of experience and Mike knew it could feel slightly overwhelming.

“Yes, please,” Harvey smiled thankfully as he slowly gained more confidence. Mike slowly set the pace by holding onto his arms and moving them back and forth steadily, bit by bit gaining speed. 

“You may go harder, Harvey,” he encouraged him and when the other man frowned and asked, “Are you sure?” he kissed him and nodded, “Very sure.”

It took them a couple of minutes until they had established a rhythm that worked for both of them and allowed them to let go and simply enjoy this but when they did, it was intense. Mike loved this so much, the ultimate connection of two bodies. To literally crawl into someone else’s skin. To claim each other. Right now, he wanted them to fuck all night until they couldn’t move anymore and he wouldn’t be able to sit for days. “Fuck, Harvey, you feel so, so good. So good,” he mumbled over and over again until he could feel Harvey’s entire body shake with the upcoming orgasm and quickly reached between his legs to jerk himself off simultaneously. 

They both came nearly together and when Harvey pulled out of him, Mike wrapped both legs around his torso and kept him in a tight, sweaty, sticky embrace. He kissed him with dry lips, still panting heavily and whispered “Fucking hell…”

Harvey laughed and sighed contently, “Same here…”

They stayed like this for a while until Mike asked curiously, “So…?”

“So what?”

“So what do you say?”

Harvey shrugged and mumbled against Mike’s skin, “Your sounds were my favorite part…”

Mike was a little disappointed, he pulled Harvey’s face up with both hands and looked at him, “Still not your thing?”

“Oh, your reaction was very much my thing! And I think you can tell I liked it, too…”

“But… still not your favorite,” Mike smiled gently. It had been worth a try.

“Still not my favorite. Sorry,” he shrugged and kissed him, “But we can do it again, if you like, because you sounded like you were about to explode there and then… That was very sexy.”

“Trust me, I _was_ about to explode…” Mike chuckled and played with Harvey’s sweaty hair, “And let’s see about doing that again… I want you to enjoy it as much as I do. Not do it out of a favor or something.”

“Well, maybe it’s just a matter of practice, I was pretty nervous,” Harvey offered and shrugged, grinning so hard that his eyes almost vanished.

“Maybe. We’ll see. Maybe you just need to be the bottom,” Mike winked and Harvey nudged him, “Can you really picture me as a bottom?”

“Oh, I remember a certain conversation in my bathroom about certain kinks of yours that we haven’t explored yet…” he grinned cheekily.

Harvey raised his eyebrows as he replied, “True. And I have a feeling we might be doing that fairly soon.” He winked at Mike and crawled off him to look at him properly. They turned to their sides and stared each other in silence for a while, just randomly caressing each other’s hot skin. 

Mike opened his mouth to say something but decided against it. He enjoyed this moment and did not want to potentially spoil it. But it was too late, Harvey had seen something was on his mind, so he nudged him briefly and said, “Spill the beans, Mike!”

“You know, there is this thing at The Center next week. A fundraiser for an initiative that looks after beaten up gay kids who have no friends and need a shoulder to cry on,” Mike said carefully. He felt a little sorry now for his own emotional outburst in Miami, he could tell how much Harvey wanted to make this work, “I kinda promised Craig and Jared to help them with it because the organization means a lot to me. There will be plenty of people, so if you’d rather not come, I’d understand…”

Harvey ran his index finger along Mike’s shoulder and upper arm, “No. I will come. It’d be a great opportunity to meet some of those boys you keep talking about. Not that I’m jealous…”

Mike sighed contently and shifted closer, hiding in Harvey’s embrace and kissing his chest, “I didn’t mean to scare you… in Miami…”

“It was the wake up call that I needed, rookie…” Harvey admitted and wrapped his arm around him protectively, “I always say I’d kill anyone who hurts you and in the end, I’m the one that does by being a fucking coward. That will end now. I’ve done a lot of thinking on our way home and… No job in this world justifies denying yourself to be who you are. None. I will talk to Jessica about the whole unofficial coming out rule. I’m a name partner now, she has to at least listen to me - and I personally believe she will be okay with it. She is a progressive person and we’ve recently acquired a bunch of new clients through our merger with Darby. Things are different now than they were last year.”

“What about people like Antonin Scalia?” Mike asked incredulously and relaxed visibly at the news. 

“Fuck them. If I need to have any more dinners like the one we had with him, I’ll be physically sick,” Harvey exclaimed and added angrily, “We live in the 21st century for fuck’s sake.”

Mike felt a huge weight lifted off his shoulders. He could literally feel the tension leaving his body and rubbed the tip of his nose affectionately against Harvey’s chest, “Sounds like you were actually listening to some of the things I said.”

“Mmmmmaybe,” Harvey chuckled and wrapped the blanket around their torsos, “But don’t tell anyone”.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning: This chapter mentions cases of abuse against teenagers. If you have been the victim of abuse and feel uncomfortable reading that, stop after Harvey and Mike enter the 20Something Room at The Center and fast forward to the line that begins with "Mike’s hands balled into fists". That way you won't miss the important parts of the story. 
> 
> Thanks to everyone for sticking along, commenting and giving me Kudos xxx

Mike didn’t know how but he had somehow convinced Harvey to take the subway to the fundraiser, another achievement he never would have thought to witness but the man he was dating kept surprising him, especially these days. Their trip to Curaçao and even more so their stopover in Miami had definitely changed a couple of things for them and made their relationship so much less exhausting. More natural. 

They tried to be more themselves and it also showed at work, everything fell back into place again, no more dancing around each other. Of course they still could not tell people about their relationship - for several reasons. One being that Jessica was busy in the Chicago area securing a new client so Harvey hadn’t had the chance yet to talk to her. The other one would always remain an issue: Harvey was Mike’s boss and they would have to see if there was anything they could do to officially be a couple without violating the bylaws.

But one step at a time. Now they were about to meet Craig and Jared and Mike couldn’t wait to introduce his partner. It was about time! Of course the boys had suspected something and of course Mike had told them the truth at some point (not without consulting Harvey first of course, the ‘no outing without explicit consent’ rule was one of the most important ones to Mike). But to talk about someone and to actually bring him - those were two completely different pairs of shoes.

As they left the subway station at 14th Street, Harvey reached for Mike’s hand which thrilled him more than he could put into words. He beamed all over his face - wow. When he had been dating Brendan, that used to be normal to him. Now it felt as if he did it for the first time. His heart was racing against his chest and he had to suppress a grin, trying not to make that much of a deal out of it. They walked side by side and talked about a car that Harvey had seen the other day and absolutely needed to buy (something Mike still didn’t understand, a car was a car, wasn’t it?).

“And you want that Ferrari why exactly? It’s not like you can speed anywhere in the United States,” Mike asked with a smirk - masking how relieved he was about it. He didn’t like it when his partner sped, it always made him uneasy and reminded him of his parents’ accident but he knew he was being irrational, so he never told him so.

“Oh, it has a classic, timeless style. Unlike all those new models, it has a soul,” Harvey praised the vehicle - have him talk about cars or jazz music and he was in a world of his own. Mike enjoyed doing both, just to see that look on his face when Harvey got completely lost in his element.

“Any particular color?” Mike asked even though he was sure he knew the answer to that one and he wasn’t disappointed: “Black of course!”

“So are you taking me out to the countryside in…” he started but shrugged uncomfortably when somebody behind them shouted, “Faggots, stop shoving your sexualities in everybody’s faces!”

Mike cursed inwardly. First time Harvey had taken his hand out on the street for everyone to see and this was happening. He should play lotto some time… “...in that beauty?”, he forced himself to finish the sentence, staring ahead as if nothing had happened.

Harvey’s hand was holding tighter onto his, he clenched his teeth in anger. “Sure, where would you wanna go?”, he answered and turned his head slightly to smile at Mike, trying just as hard to pretend they were on their own.

“I was talking to you, ladies,” the bully behind them shouted and threw pistachio peels at the back of their heads. _Keep going. Keep. Going. No fight, not today. It’s not worth it._

“How about New Orleans? I know that’s not the countryside but I’ve always wanted to go on a road trip - well, theoretically anyway, it’s not much fun to go with me since I don’t have a driver’s license…” Mike looked at Harvey, still ignoring the man who judging by his voice and attitude was probably in his late twenties just like him.

“You’re disgusting! A disgrace for all men…”

“I remember you once told me that, well it’s never too late,” Harvey replied and smiled but his eyes gave away that he was about to punch that bully right in the face. Mike was sick of it. He turned around, eyed the homophobic asshole up and replied with a very uncharacteristically dramatic tone “Honey, we’re more man than you'll ever be and more woman than you'll ever get.”

Thankfully, they reached the red brick building in that moment, preventing things from escalating. They quickly walked up to the door, leaving the baffled man behind. When they entered The Center, Mike squeezed Harvey’s hand, leaned slightly against him and said honestly, “I’m sorry. I would have warned you that this might happen but usually they leave us alone in this part of town…”

Harvey shook his head and waved it off, “I could have given him a good kicking but didn’t want to give him that satisfaction. It’s alright.” 

Mike could tell it wasn’t. The memories in his head were still vivid when something like this had happened to him for the very first time. Or when Jared had showed up here with a black eye. These things did shake you up, especially when you weren’t used to them.

“You don’t have to pretend, Harvey. We’re all in this together. Everyone here has a story to tell,” Mike replied honestly, “That is why we stick together the way we do. Most people don’t get why our community is this strong. Well. Situations like the one we just encountered make sure that we choose our friends wisely…”

Harvey nodded and smiled openly, “Loved your Car Wash reference there.”

“That one always fits, even when you’re not camp,” Mike grinned in return. 

The door to their community room opened and Craig stumbled out, laughing at a joke they hadn’t heard, before he turned in their direction and his eyes widened in excitement, “Mikey! Wow, you got a nice tan, holidays look good on you, seems like your boss finally gave you that time off we talked about _months_ back!” He hugged his friend and turned in Harvey’s direction now, “And if that isn’t the boss-slash-friend-slash-partner-slash-have I forgotten anything else Harvey Specter! Pleased to meet you again.” He shook his hand enthusiastically and opened the door.

“Strictly speaking, you’re not allowed in here…” he smirked and Mike slapped him, “Stop it already…”

Mike turned in Harvey’s direction and explained, “He means that you’re too old to be a 20Something…” 

“Now that’s a nice way of stripping me off my confidence right from the start…” Harvey replied fairly amused.

Mike rolled his eyes and kissed him, “But the guys promised to adopt you, you’re the famous exception to the rule…” 

Now Harvey actually looked a little insecure (Mike found it suited him incredibly well, he liked that unguarded look - but he would never tell him that) until Mike nudged him again, “I’m serious. It’s okay. Craig will be thirty in a week from now and we won’t have him expelled straight away… although…” he tilted his head as if he wanted to evaluate his friend and laughed at his compelled reaction.

When the door opened again, Jared poked his head out, “Craig, could you give me a hand with the box? You know that I have two left hands, it keeps falling apart… Oh. Hi!” He opened the door properly and took a step out, extending his hand to Harvey, “You must be Harvey. I’ve heard a lot about you, nice to have a face to the name.” Mike was relieved when Harvey immediately seemed to warm to Jared, it was probably the fact that Craig’s partner didn’t come across as overly gay straight away, his down-to-earth attitude suited Harvey’s and probably made adjusting easier. Mike smiled - this would be a good day - and ushered them all back inside.

While Craig helped Jared to fix the donation box, Mike turned around and discretely pointed at a couple of the other guys and explained to Harvey who they were and what they would be doing at the fundraiser. Some of them were currently editing a leaflet for which Mike had provided the images. 

Harvey’s eyes were glued to the screen as he took in what he saw. “What happened to the kid?” he asked with a concerned tone in his voice and Mike ran his hand briefly along Harvey’s arm, “That is Pascal. He came home from a club one night with his boyfriend. They are both 15. You know, his boyfriend lives in a flat in Lower East Side together with his mum and Pascal was meant to spend the night there. The mum came home early from a dinner party and found them kissing in the living room. She refused to let him share the room with his boyfriend and sent him home. He was wearing pretty revealing clothes that night. This happened two blocks from his boyfriend’s place… Three men. He didn’t see their faces. Kicked him to the ground and didn’t stop booting him until he played dead,” Mike had managed to tell Pascal’s story in a halfway neutral way but when he talked about the fact that he had to pretend to be dead to survive the attack, his voice turned raspy and low. 

“Jesus, that’s awful,” Harvey placed his hand in the small of Mike’s back to console him. Mike had told him about his work, that he was taking pictures of people for a good cause. But Harvey hadn’t had any idea what kind of pictures he had been talking about and right now he obviously felt awful not to have taken the time to ask. The guilt was written all over his face. 

“How did you get him to open up to you?” Harvey asked and Mike shrugged, “I sit down with the kids and let them tell me whatever they want to talk about. Anything. Hobbies. Boyfriends. Sports. Music. It’s all about trust. Because these images show them when they are at their most vulnerable.”

Harvey nodded and kissed him. He was speechless. The second picture in the leaflet showed a young girl with a bruised lip and a black eye. Mike looked at her image and ran his index finger along the screen, explaining quietly, “Sophia. 13. Her…” Mike took a deep breath and swallowed before he continued “...her cousin wanted to prove she wasn’t gay. He punched her in the face when she put up a fight and forced himself onto her. The cousin was 16. Their family doesn’t call it rape. They say he meant well.”

Mike’s hands balled into fists, he was too sensitive for this shit. But somebody had to do it as long as society pretended gays and lesbians were just loud and obnoxious characters that should be happy now because they could get married and had achieved all they wanted. If only…

“Hey…” Harvey said quietly and ran his hands along Mike’s arms before he pulled him in a protective hug. They were both shaken up by the stories and images. Mike sighed softly and mumbled, “I thought these things would get easier but… they are just kids, Harvey. That could have easily been one of us. Many of the boys and girls in this room have been through similar shit. I don’t get it. I just don’t get it. Do you… Understand now why we need to be out and open?”

Harvey frowned deeply and caressed his back to soothe him, “I do. And I will support you as much as I can.” Mike pulled back and kissed him lovingly, “You’re pretty alright, Harvey Specter.”

“Now, what can I do to help? - I warn you, I’m just as rubbish at gluing stuff together as Jared. But I can make coffee for the team, how about that?” Mike smiled and nodded, “Coffee sounds like a good idea, it’s gonna be a long day…”

“Then coffee it is,” Harvey pecked Mike’s lips once more and walked over to the coffee machine, making himself familiar with the appliance and got to work.

“He’s gorgeous indeed,” Jared smiled as he approached Mike with the fixed donation box. He patted his shoulder, “I couldn’t help but watch you and think ‘that guy’s a keeper’. You know that I was worried when Craig said he wasn’t outed but he seems to be doing pretty alright here, doesn’t he?”

Mike followed Jared’s gaze and they both watched Harvey filling the machine with water, “It’s been a long way to get to where we are now but I’m so glad to have given it a chance. Quite honestly though,” Mike turned and looked at Jared before admitting, “If things hadn’t finally changed over the past two weeks… I think that would have been it. The trip to Curaçao was so wonderful and then on the way back home, I realized I can’t do it anymore. Hide.”

“I have no idea how you managed to pull it off for this long anyway, you live for the community. For politics and civil rights. All this is so important to you… now I’m honest with you as well: there were times when I hardly recognized you anymore. And I’m glad to have the old you back here with us.”

“I know,” Mike nodded seriously, “I know. Harvey promised to talk to the lady managing the company. She trusts him and if he asks her to do something about those regulations, I think she will. So. In a way… being with me has turned him into a bit of an activist as well…”

Mike realized how proud he sounded right now. Harvey had done so many impressive things in his life and stood up for him more times than he could count but to Mike, this one mattered the most. Jared playfully bumped his elbow against Mike’s arm as he pointed out, “I’m glad he makes you happy - but if he ever forces you into the closet again, I’ll need to have a serious word with him. Now if you excuse me, this baby is ready,” he waved with the box and left a thoughtful man behind. 

Jared was right, and Mike knew it. But that wouldn’t happen again. If anything, Mike would give his partner all the support in the world to finally out himself as well. He had a feeling Harvey was ready.


	16. Chapter 16

“There was a check for 5,000 dollars in the fundraising box last week,” Mike dashed into the living room, putting the key on the kitchen counter, looking at Harvey with big, unbelieving eyes, “Craig just called me.” Harvey looked up from the file he was currently reading and put it on the table, reached out for Mike’s hand and pulled him on top of him on the couch. “Slow down, rookie, don’t forget to catch a breath, still need you, you know?”

Mike ran his hand through Harvey’s hair and crashed his lips against his, making it hard for both of them to breathe now. He roughly pulled Harvey’s head back and looked at him in amazement, “That was you, wasn’t it? That check. Nobody else would have given as much. In fact, it was by far the highest single sum.”

Harvey loosened Mike’s tie and pulled it over his head, opening the first two buttons on his shirt, looking at him in utter concentration without saying a word. 

“You are crazy, oh God, I love you for that!” Mike exclaimed and pulled his head close for another deep kiss.

“You love me for being crazy?” Harvey grinned and looked at Mike with playful eyes as he bit on his bottom lip.

“I love you for many things, Harvey,” he pointed out.

“That’s good because it happens to be the same way for me,” Harvey replied, looking extremely handsome with those Harvey Specter laugh lines that Mike couldn’t get enough off and opened the rest of the buttons on Mike’s shirt. He slid it off his upper body and pulled his undershirt out of his pants. Then he sneaked his hands under the thin fabric and ran his fingertips along Mike’s bare skin, making him hum softly.

“Why did you donate 5,000 dollars for a cause you barely know?” Mike asked and followed Harvey’s example, starting with his tie. They had basically spent every free minute together since they’d started dating and over the past month or two, Mike had quietly moved in - not officially yet but he spent way more time here than in Brooklyn and not just for practical reasons. Even after all these months, they could never get enough off each other.

“Because when you talked about the cause, I felt they needed the money more than I do. The stories about these kids were horrifying. They need someone to restore their faith in society - and in themselves. Plus it’s important to you. So I thought… why not?” Harvey explained and pecked Mike, “But I also have news for you…”

He wrapped his arms around Mike’s lower back and got to his feet, carrying him towards the bedroom while Mike held onto him tightly and continued kissing Harvey, leaving him blind - but they had practised this so often now that they no longer bumped into every single door frame on the way. Mike was so happy today, this could be a celebratory fuck. He loved those. When they reached the bed, Harvey bent forward and put him down. As soon as Mike’s back touched the mattress, he rolled his hips and rubbed himself up against Harvey’s crotch while they both quickly pulled on their pants and undies.

“What is it?” Mike grinned and pulled Harvey’s body down on top of him, wrapping himself so tightly around him that their growing erections were basically trapped. Harvey pointed out, “I was going to suck you off right now, if you let me…”

“That depends on your news,” Mike panted and bit into Harvey’s bottom lip. He was still bruised from yesterday, Harvey just couldn’t stop marking him with his teeth, lips and nails and even though he liked it, he was scared someone would figure this out.

“I talked to Jessica,” Harvey stopped the movement and looked into Mike’s eyes. 

Wow.  
Big news indeed.  
Mike was nervous now but Harvey seemed to be happy, so he let him move by giving him a bit more space. His partner kissed a trail down his body and worshiped every bit of it. He caressed him tenderly and moved down further until he had reached his cock.

“I said… As a progressive law firm, we could benefit from supporting the LGBTQ community with case work and that I knew people at The Center that could do with our help in form of pro bono cases.”

He took Mike’s length into his mouth and began to move up and down around him. The news combined with the sensation Mike felt now almost made him burst. He had to pull himself together and dug his hands into Harvey’s shoulders.

“You… said… we should do pro bono for The Center?” Mike asked unbelieving as he moaned and tilted his head back.

“Jessica thought it was a good idea and would sharpen our profile in a changing world. She also said it might help closeted members of our team to come out as well,” Harvey smiled and massaged Mike’s balls with his hands. Man, he had taught him well, Mike noticed. His eyes fell shut and the happiness he had felt in his stomach spread through his entire body.

“I told her that I couldn’t agree more,” Harvey paused and hesitated for a moment, so that Mike opened his eyes and looked straight at him, he nodded encouragingly - to both the news and the blowjob. “I told her I couldn’t agree more, and that I would be the first to benefit from it.”

Mike jerked up and almost shoved his dick straight into Harvey’s face, “WHAT?” He pulled on his partner’s shoulders to have him right next to him, the blowjob could wait.

“I told her that I would be the first to benefit from it and she said she wasn’t surprised,” Harvey laughed now, openly, happily, relieved. Mike joined in on the laughter and wrapped both arms and legs around him, showering him with butterfly kisses. Harvey had just outed himself. Mike was bursting with pride and love.

“That is fantastic! Perfect! Fucking brilliant! Oh my God, Harvey, I don’t know what to say,” Mike babbled and his partner laughed, “You use plenty of words for someone who doesn’t know what to say.”

“Oh, shut up,” Mike beamed and kissed him tenderly, still not letting him move one bit. He held him tight and wanted to vanish in his skin right now. This would be the perfect moment for…

“I know what you’re thinking,” Harvey pecked him repeatedly and let Mike almost crash him to death.

“Oh yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“What is that?”

“My boyfriend just outed himself, time to top the hell out of him during anal sex.” Harvey smirked and Mike actually blushed. He shook his head in embarrassment and countered, “I wasn’t thinking that.”

“No?”

“No.”

“So what were you thinking?”

Mike bit his lip cheekily and replied, “I was thinking ‘My _partner_ just outed himself, time to top the hell out of him during anal sex.” Harvey laughed and replied, “Fair enough. But you know what I think? I think I should call the shots tonight. And I would really like to give this whole rimming thing a try. What do you say?”

Oh, that got Mike excited. He rolled them around so he was on top of Harvey and nodded, “My treat tonight… You just turn on your stomach and relax…”

Mike raised his body a little so Harvey could do as instructed before he whispered into his ear, “You so deserve this, you make me so very happy.” He sucked gently on his earlobe and stayed close to Harvey’s body, licking circles along his spine. His partner shuddered under his touch and Mike was so aroused by the fact that once again he could teach him something he had never done before.

“I’m so, so lucky to have you,” Mike murmured against his skin and nuzzled him fondly. “Hmmmmm… baby…. I can feel you shiver…” he pushed Harvey’s legs apart and knelt between them, kissing, licking and caressing his lower back now. “Is this good?” he asked lowly and Harvey clawed his hands into the mattress the further down he was touched.

“If any of this is weird in a bad way, stop me,” Mike felt the need to point out. Not that Harvey had ever let him do anything he hadn’t wanted to do but it was important to talk about it. He caressed Harvey’s ass cheeks and pulled them apart as widely as he could without hurting him. He let the tip of his tongue slide down the spine and into his crack, hearing - feeling - the gasp. His tongue became familiar with this new area it had never touched before and the whole situation made him want Harvey in an even more intense, more animalistic way. He needed to hear him scream his name. That was all that mattered to him right now.

Mike pulled a little firmer on the ass, revealing more sensitive skin. That cheeky bastard must have planned this, he was completely clean.

Harvey’s moans turned into whimpers, turned into something he had never heard before. He could feel him arch his back even though he couldn’t see it because his face was buried deep inside Harvey’s butt. Every tiny nerve responded to his tongue, oh fuck, how he had missed that. He knew that he was good at this but that didn’t matter. What mattered was the fact that even the old lady down on the first floor could hear how much Harvey wanted him right now. Oh these sweet sounds…

He dove in a little deeper, penetrating the sensitive flesh with his tongue, feeling Harvey get restless. So he did it again. And again. And again. Until his partner tensed around his face and almost choked him just before he could pull out to witness Harvey come with a loud scream.

Harvey collapsed face first into the mattress, his entire body was trembling from the orgasm and Mike climbed to his side and lay down next to him, brushing his sweaty hair out of his face, “Happy outing day…” It took Harvey a while to regain the ability to speak and Mike just watched him. When he dared to say something, he looked at him and grinned widely, “I think I need to out myself more often.”

Mike laughed melodically and planted a kiss on his burning forehead, “It does get easier. The first one is the most difficult…”

“Thanks for your patience. And… for this… fucking hell,” Harvey beamed and Mike shrugged with a smirk, “You might have to move now, you’re definitely out in this entire house.”

“My screaming doesn’t really out me, does it?” Harvey wrinkled his nose.

“Not per se, but screaming ‘FUCK MIKE’ is a bit of a give away,” Mike shouted the middle part and laughed, reached for the bottle of water next to the bed and handed it to Harvey.

“I did that?!” Harvey rubbed his face and took a large sip.

“I heard it loud and clear, even though my ears were stuck somewhere in your ass,” Mike winked before he took the bottle and had a sip himself, “I take it that rimming is a pastime activity I can add to our list?”

“Oh, that’s a definite yes,” Harvey nodded. He smiled exhaustedly and Mike turned on his back and pulled him close. Mike thought about the things he had learned today and still couldn’t believe his luck. Harvey had spent a shitload of money on his most important charity. In addition, he had talked to Jessica and outed himself. And Mike had no doubt he had done all that for him. He was such a lucky man. Those one and a half years of hiding suddenly seemed so unimportant. Of course he knew that they hadn’t been. That they had been fucking difficult to endure at times. But knowing how it had all turned out, he’d do it again.

Now that Mike was allowed to out himself at the firm, he had a decision to make. Well, if he was honest, it was pretty much a done deal - he would do it sooner or later. Tell the world about himself when the time was right. Of course he couldn’t do it straight away - for tactical reasons. If he did, everyone could figure out that he was dating his boss and there were still those bylaws that would forbid for him to date his immediate superior - but if he wasn’t working for Harvey, there was no point in working for the firm in the first place. 

What did it mean for them? Could he be out and pretend he wasn’t with Harvey? Pretend the other man hadn’t turned his entire world upside down? For how much longer could they pull this off? Eventually, there could only be one consequence, couldn’t there? Harvey would not like what he was considering to do. Mike couldn’t date his boss. Not officially anyway. So it meant one thing: They had paved the way for all non heterosexual people currently working for Pearson Darby Specter and those to come in future. As for him, he knew that he had to find a new job.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to cut this in two, even though it means these will be two short chapters but it felt more organic that way. Thanks for reading and commenting! This is it!

In the end, the process was easy. There was no way on earth Mike would have ever given up Harvey. When he had started working for Pearson Hardman, he hadn’t wanted this job and if he was honest, he still felt like he was fighting on the wrong side even though there were the occasional pro bono cases. Needless to say working with Harvey also was a huge plus, so it took Mike a couple of months to actually gather the courage to face the consequences, but the decision itself - that one had been made the day of Harvey’s outing.

Nothing changed after that conversation with Jessica. Not really anyway. There was no public announcement, Harvey simply started revealing the truth by mentioning that he had spent the weekend with his partner. Casually, as if that was the most normal thing in the world. It took people some time to notice Harvey was talking about a man - Mike had been right, if you didn’t explicitly mention personal pronouns, it was fairly easy to talk about relationships without explicitly outing yourself. If anything, their colleagues had been surprised he was seriously committed to another human being after such a long time of being a bachelor. 

Eventually, the news started spreading though, there was a fair amount of whispers down the hall that both Harvey and Mike decided to ignore until one day, Ronald, a fourth year associate that Mike had worked with on a merger, approached Mike and took him aside, holding onto his upper arm, whispering “Mike, listen, I heard that Harvey Specter is gay. You work for him all the time, is it true?”

Mike smiled professionally at Ronald and pretended that the question didn’t really concern him before he asked with a shrug, “Now would that make a difference?”

“It would to me,” the associate shifted his gaze slightly nervously, “I had no idea Pearson Darby Specter was this liberal,” before he laughed nervously and stared intensely into Mike’s eyes “I guess him and I have something in common after all…” 

“Oh really?” Mike answered more openly now before he replied almost casually, “Same here.” 

“Does he know about you?” Ronald tried with wide, curious eyes and Mike played it down by cocking his head and telling a bit of a white lie, “That’s really not something you talk about when you’re sitting in that office, trying to kick some ass.”

Later, when Mike told Rachel about the encounter, she laughed at him and nudged him teasingly, “Poor Ronald, there he was, flirting with you and you didn’t even notice!” Had he? Flirted? Mike wasn’t sure. His brain was way too occupied with Harvey. The wink that she shared with him now was a bit of a give away that she knew exactly what was going on. 

Donna, on the other hand, acted extremely surprised about Harvey’s outing but Mike wasn’t sure he bought it. She knew Harvey’s schedule inside out, was aware of all the occasions that Mike and him just happened to be unavailable at the same time, saw them leave five minutes after each other - one by car, one by bike. She must have known! Maybe she was just polite and felt it wasn’t on her to bring it up? Whatever it was, Mike appreciated she wasn’t nosy and pressing.

Louis acted surprisingly interested in all this, he wanted to hear how Harvey and his partner had met - while Mike was sitting on his couch, pulling funny faces behind Louis’ back, feeling increasingly amused by the fake story Harvey conjured up out of thin air. 

As for Jessica - up until Mike’s very last day, he couldn’t read her and when he handed in his letter of resignation, she smiled at him, wished him good luck and said, “I trust I will see you at our Christmas events or any other occasion that requires a plus one.” 

Mike looked into her knowing eyes, blushed - yeah, she could still do that to him - and replied, “Unless it’s another dinner with Antonin Scalia.” 

Jessica smiled at him warmly and nodded, “I believe Mr. Scalia will not be on our future list of dinner guests. Word has it that the firm decided to do pro bono for The Center a couple of months back. One of our name partners happens to know an on the go gay rights activists guy who has done some impressive work for young assault victims of gay hate crime. Since Mr. Scalia doesn’t believe that such hate crime even exists, he most likely won’t call us back on the ACA matter. Truth be told, we all believe it’s better that way.”

“How did you know…?” Mike couldn’t stop asking and Jessica winked at him, “Harvey suddenly became very interested in pro bono - that in itself made me suspicious…”

Mike laughed and put his hands in his pockets, a gesture he had definitely picked up from Harvey. He nodded and smiled at her, “Thank you. I guess I’ll see you at Christmas.”

“The very latest. Remember, we’re officially representing you.”

“Trust me, that is something, I’ll never forget….” Mike waved goodbye and left her office. It had taken him until his last working day to realize what kind of warm hearted, caring person Jessica was and he wished he could turn back a bit of time to appreciate it more (and convince Harvey to talk to her a lot sooner). But they would work together. And that made him happy.

Mike walked over to Harvey’s office and knocked. He never did that but special occasions called for special measures. He opened the door, “Can I come in or are you incredibly busy right now?” 

Harvey smiled and tilted his head _oh God, how could anyone not see the obvious?_ “Is it done?”

“Yeah, it is done,” Mike swallowed. This was a big step for both of them, “As of now, I’m no longer your associate.”

“But you’ll always stay my rookie,” Harvey grinned widely and waved for him to move closer, “Come here, Mike, I think it’s time for a show…” 

Mike couldn’t believe that they were actually doing this. There were just few moments in his life that had made him as happy as this one. He gnawed on his bottom lip and walked past the desk, pulled Harvey to his feet and asked one last time, “Ready?” 

Harvey nodded, “Ready,” and let Mike grab him by his face to give him a literally life-altering kiss. They heard Donna gasp through the intercom and several people stop in their tracks but in this moment, they couldn’t care less.


	18. Chapter 18

**EPILOGUE**

Gay pride 2013.  
Mike was marching with his fellow 20Somethings - for one last time because soon, all of them would be too old for this group and they’d have to figure out something else to do. 

Harvey had decided not to come, things were still a little too intense at these parades for him but that was alright, he had done so many outings over the past few months that Mike understood he needed a bit of a break. Incredible what had happened during these last two years...

He was so happy to be back here. France had allowed same sex marriage very recently, as had the United Kingdom and Brazil. Another couple of US States had done the same. A few countries had legalized successive adoption, among those Austria and Germany.

At the same time, Associate Justice Antonin Scalia decided to leave the gay community alone for a while and concentrated on the war against terror and clean water bills. Things were looking up.

Mike had permanently moved in with Harvey because it was pointless to keep his old appointment. He was never there anyway. His partner insisted on not accepting any rent because he kept saying that they were an item and would get through this period together until Mike was back on his feet and could live off his photographies.

When he wasn’t busy developing a clientele, Mike worked long hours at The Center and continued to support young assaulted kids by taking their pictures, listening to their stories and just being there when they needed someone to talk to. In addition, he offered legal aid for all those cases nobody would take - HIV patients that got dropped by their insurance company as soon as they heard their client was gay, parents that wouldn’t support their kids financially when they had learned about their sexual orientation, assault, bullying, wrongful termination - the ‘possibilities’ were endless.

Mike tried to do this on his own but every now and again, when they were up against a huge company that threatened to crush The Center, Pearson Darby Specter (soon to be Pearson Specter if all went according to plan…) would appear and intimidate the shit out of the bullies. And then this handsome name partner of that impressive big law firm would take the gay rights activist that tried to earn a living out of taking pictures home and they’d remind each other why being out was the best damn feeling in the world.

“Hey, Mikey, why are you grinning like an idiot?” Jared chuckled and waved the big rainbow flag above their heads.

“I wasn’t… just wondering what Harvey might be up to right now…”

“Isn’t it sickening how much he’s still head over heels for that dashingly good looking lawyer?” Craig sighed dramatically and rolled his eyes.

Mike nudged him, “Oh, you shut up or I’ll tell everyone that you don’t belong in this group anymore…”

“You mean like that guy?” Craig smirked contently, pointed at someone and shouted, “SURPRISE!!!”

Harvey was standing at the sidewalk, grinned widely and waved briefly at Mike. Somebody (presumably Craig?) had drawn a pink purple blue flag on his cheek and he wore Mike’s “I won’t stand for intolerance” shirt that looked very different (but good!!!) on him.

“What… you were all in on this, guys?” Mike beamed and pushed himself through the 20Something crowd to wrap his arms around Harvey’s neck. He kissed him passionately and shook his head, not believing that this was happening, “I thought all this was too much for you?”

“Hey, I wouldn’t miss it for the world…” He followed Mike back to his group of friends and grabbed the hand of the now officially happiest man on the planet. When they started marching again and everyone was waving their rainbow flags, Jared pushed a transparent into Harvey’s hand and winked at him. All four of them were aware of the true meaning of the sign.

It read ‘I will not go back into the closet’.


End file.
